uRabbit Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 (edited) This relationship I'm in has almost everything going for it... We treat each other well. We have so many of the same interests. We both want to move to Seattle (from Boise, ID). However... She is not sexually stimulating to me at all. She is boring, really. But only in bed! Everyone says we're so great together and that we should get married (only been six months). But I know that I'm not 100% happy. So all my friends I tell this to that are successful in relationships say that I am only making things worse by not leaving her. I believe this as well. I want to be able to leave her like a man, not a spineless jerk. But she is soon finding out whether or not she has ovarian cancer... How great of timing would that be if the man she loves just kicks her to the curb? I have a problem with going out with women that I find problems with after getting passed the initial puppy love stage. If you check my post history I'm sure there's a pattern on my part. Edited December 14, 2009 by uRabbit
CarrieT Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Be strong and break up with her before she finds out about her cancer, if that is what you are going to do (which it sounds like). Of course there is no way you are not going to come across looking like a jerk. Just man-up to that fact and that the relationship is not 100% what you want. But do her the favor of being honest with her and don't make up some other reason why you are ending the relationship.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 But wait! It's one thing to be sexually boring and another that you don't find her sexually appealing at all. Which is it? Can you elaborate a little? Also, was this always the case or could it be she is preoccupied with the idea that she might have cancer and this is killing her libido?
boogieboy Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Yeah what about teaching her to be less boring in bed?
Lish Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 This relationship I'm in has almost everything going for it... We treat each other well. We have so many of the same interests. We both want to move to Seattle (from Boise, ID). However... She is not sexually stimulating to me at all. She is boring, really. But only in bed! Everyone says we're so great together and that we should get married (only been six months). But I know that I'm not 100% happy. So all my friends I tell this to that are successful in relationships say that I am only making things worse by not leaving her. I believe this as well. I want to be able to leave her like a man, not a spineless jerk. But she is soon finding out whether or not she has ovarian cancer... How great of timing would that be if the man she loves just kicks her to the curb? I have a problem with going out with women that I find problems with after getting passed the initial puppy love stage. If you check my post history I'm sure there's a pattern on my part. Wow. So, just to make sure I'm reading this correctly (it's very early morning).. The girl you're in a 'almost perfect' relationship with may have ovarian cancer and you can only think about your penis? I'm perfectly aware everyone has needs, but actually, believe it or not; there ARE more important things in life. I don't think the word 'jerk' really begins to even touch the sides. ...dear god.
Author uRabbit Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 (edited) The physical/sexual attraction has been lacking since day one. But her personality drew me in and I was desperate for an attachment. It'd been six months since any type of physical attention. Having parted from a 3 year relationship. The cancer issue is newer than my attraction issue. A main reason that I feel so horrible and why I'm posting here. Also, her libido is actually not taking a hit. She is still wanting to have sex. Edited December 14, 2009 by uRabbit
Lish Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 The physical/sexual attraction has been lacking since day one. But her personality drew me in and I was desperate for an attachment. It'd been six months since any type of physical attention. Having parted from a 3 year relationship. The cancer issue is newer than my attraction issue. A main reason that I feel so horrible and why I'm posting here. So ya should. You should have told her LONG ago. There are things you can do to improve physical attraction. Tbh, if she's so great & loves you like you say she does, then surely she'd appreciate your honesty and make more of an effort? I'm assuming you support her through the worry of cancer... so it's a two way street; she needs to be accomodating of your needs too. If you believe this girl is worth it, try make it work. Just don't make her feel like you getting laid is more important than you know, the prospect of cancer. Maybe dressing up...trying new things....toys....new positions?
Author uRabbit Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 I've stayed with her so long because she has been losing weight. She's lost twenty pounds since we started going out. But there's things she does and doesn't do that make me kind of grossed out, actually. It's pretty personal and embarassing, even though it's not me. That and she's a dead fish. I'm more experienced and have tried showing her how to do things. And she does try. Well, people, thank you for the input. Forgot to say that before.
InspiredbyYou Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Oh gosh you need to get the heck out, it won't grow if you weren't attracted to her from the get go it isn't going to happen at all! And the fact that you say she is a dead fish sexually AND she grosses you out oh my, you need to get out FAST! I can't imagine what a dead fish is like sexually I always thought this was a myth..
Lish Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I've stayed with her so long because she has been losing weight. She's lost twenty pounds since we started going out. But there's things she does and doesn't do that make me kind of grossed out, actually. It's pretty personal and embarassing, even though it's not me. That and she's a dead fish. I'm more experienced and have tried showing her how to do things. And she does try. Well, people, thank you for the input. Forgot to say that before. Because you're not shallow at all, are you? And I suppose you're a supermodel?
silic0ntoad Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Because you're not shallow at all, are you? And I suppose you're a supermodel? He's not here asking for criticism. He's asking for help. Everyone is shallow. Jeez. I'd bounce. Tell her flat out why. And be exact. Don't flake. Be a man and say "Sexually, this relationship is not what I need. I am sorry but we need to part ways." Done deal.
CarrieT Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 He's not here asking for criticism. He's asking for help. Everyone is shallow. Jeez. I'd bounce. Tell her flat out why. And be exact. Don't flake. Be a man and say "Sexually, this relationship is not what I need. I am sorry but we need to part ways." Done deal. Amen. Lighten up, Lish. He came here with honesty and openness. We shouldn't judge everyone in their problems, but help them as best we can.
Left in a Lurch Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Because you're not shallow at all, are you? And I suppose you're a supermodel? Are you sexually attracted to everyone that is really nice to you? Why is it whenever a guy is unattracted to a woman no matter how hot or how ugly she may be, it somehow makes that guy a shallow jerk, but the same women calling them shallow turn down offers from guys all the time based on looks alone?
Author uRabbit Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 I'm no supermodel but neither were any of the women that I found extremely attractive... I did, however, play a supermodel in a high school drama class back in the day. Anyways, yes, there's some things that gross me out about her. And I don't understand how these particular things happen during sex, cause she's very hygienic. Oh well. I will do my best... Thanks everyone!
silic0ntoad Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Anyways, yes, there's some things that gross me out about her. And I don't understand how these particular things happen during sex, cause she's very hygienic.QUOTE] Now I am intrigued. What the hell happens?
InspiredbyYou Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I'm no supermodel but neither were any of the women that I found extremely attractive... I did, however, play a supermodel in a high school drama class back in the day. Anyways, yes, there's some things that gross me out about her. And I don't understand how these particular things happen during sex, cause she's very hygienic. Oh well. I will do my best... Thanks everyone! You don't need to justify yourself! Just ignore those who are trying to make you feel bad. Is it a smell thing? Maybe she has a disease? sorry for being nosy now I am intrigued.... I do urge you to please let her know sooner than later that it isn't working out don't drag it on and don't lead her on anymore it's not fair to her.
Lish Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 (edited) He's not here asking for criticism. He's asking for help. Everyone is shallow. Jeez. Amen. Lighten up, Lish. He came here with honesty and openness. We shouldn't judge everyone in their problems, but help them as best we can. I did give him advice and help... So ya should. You should have told her LONG ago. There are things you can do to improve physical attraction. Tbh, if she's so great & loves you like you say she does, then surely she'd appreciate your honesty and make more of an effort? I'm assuming you support her through the worry of cancer... so it's a two way street; she needs to be accomodating of your needs too. If you believe this girl is worth it, try make it work. Just don't make her feel like you getting laid is more important than you know, the prospect of cancer. Maybe dressing up...trying new things....toys....new positions? Are you sexually attracted to everyone that is really nice to you? Why is it whenever a guy is unattracted to a woman no matter how hot or how ugly she may be, it somehow makes that guy a shallow jerk, but the same women calling them shallow turn down offers from guys all the time based on looks alone? No, but I don't go getting into relationships with everyone who is nice to me. I'm not looking down on shallow men OR women, but I believe the OP was 100% wrong in what he did, which was get with a girl because she was nice, and then be under the impression that he would grow sexually attracted to her by trying to change her (weight - I'm not saying he forced her into anything). I agree that if there's nothing that can be done about this, that he is best to part ways with her - the situation he finds himself now in is due to the fact he wasn't completely honest with her long ago.. and now he is feeling a massive amount of guilt because he's about to leave her and she may have cancer. I don't envy you, OP, and I'm sorry you're going through this. Genuinely. If there's REALLY nothing you can do anymore, you should leave her ASAP. If the news is she actually has cancer, you are going to feel trapped and obliged to stay with her throughout the course of her treatment. Save yourself the pain. Just like I don't believe a couple should stay together because of kids, I don't believe anyone should feel trapped in a relationship out of sympathy when really, they want to get out. Good luck, OP. I'm no supermodel but neither were any of the women that I found extremely attractive... I did, however, play a supermodel in a high school drama class back in the day. Anyways, yes, there's some things that gross me out about her. And I don't understand how these particular things happen during sex, cause she's very hygienic. Oh well. I will do my best... Thanks everyone! I really wanna know what these things are now. Edited December 14, 2009 by Lish
Curious-One Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I also think you are being selfish ... you kept her around while you needed to bond with someone even though you knew you were not attracted to her. Now after 6 freakin months you want to brake up with her , oh wait , before she learns if she has cancer. I see that as being very selfish... You were ****ing her for 6 months now all of a sudden before she is suppose to find out if she has cancer you want to dump her. Give me a brake, there is no way i can **** a girl for 6 months without being attracted to her i dont care how good her personality is. Something is fishy here... i am starting to think you got a better option lined up and want to get out of this one. Another thing that bugs me is that it seems like this girl is trying, she did lose weight and i am sure if you want her to be more sexual she could acheive that.
alphamale Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I want to be able to leave her like a man, not a spineless jerk. just tell her u want to be by yourself
Author uRabbit Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 (edited) I don't have a better option. I have been having sex with her for six months. Five of those months it's been difficult to ejaculate because I'm not stimulated. The thing that's been happening, if you must know, is dark coloured build up when we have sex. I've come to learn that it's dried blood that has not been cleaned. But yes... That... Anyways... Embarassing. Edited December 15, 2009 by uRabbit
Lish Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I don't have a better option. I have been having sex with her for six months. Five of those months it's been difficult to ejaculate because I'm not stimulated. The thing that's been happening, if you must know, is dark coloured build up when we have sex. I've come to learn that it's dried blood that has not been cleaned. But yes... That... Anyways... Embarassing. Perhaps you're more turned off by the blood than by HER. ie: if this wasn't happening, would you be stimulated? Maybe the subconscious part of you KNOWS it's going to happen and therefore turns you off before you're even turned on ...does that make any sense? It does in my head...
ecm Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I don't have a better option. I have been having sex with her for six months. Five of those months it's been difficult to ejaculate because I'm not stimulated. The thing that's been happening, if you must know, is dark coloured build up when we have sex. I've come to learn that it's dried blood that has not been cleaned. But yes... That... Anyways... Embarassing. 1) You're not doing her any favors by staying in a relationship with her. Still, you can be there for her if it turns out to be bad. (I hope it's not, btw) 2) Dried blood? Well, I don't really know what to say about that. I mean, your putting your thing in a place where there is blood once a month. That's almost like her getting grossed out about that white stuff that "sticks around" after you've unleashed it. Really. Jeesh. I thought you were going to say something horrible. LOL. Honestly, though, if she is having potential issues down there, it could be a symptom. 3) I think if you really liked her, that wouldn't gross you out. 4) repeat #1 Good luck (to you and her as well)
InspiredbyYou Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I The thing that's been happening, if you must know, is dark coloured build up when we have sex. I've come to learn that it's dried blood that has not been cleaned. But yes... That... Anyways... Embarassing. Hmmm never heard of that!?? Could it be related to her possible illness and she is bleeding internally? Cysts can produce internal bleeding sometimes...
QuistisTrepe Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Umm untintentional weight loss is a sign of cancer you know? As is non menstrational bleeding. That sounds bad. Anyway, it sounds like she needs a friend right now. I can't speak for you but I would never leave a friend if they're in this type of situation. It just seems like a very selfish thing to do. I mean, seriously, do you NEED to find another girlfriend now? Can't it wait until she gets better or is at least at a less scary point in her life? It's not like you need to get married in the next year or your sperm will rot or something. Geesh, kid, I know disease is a scary thing but grow some balls and be a man.
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