Artist Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I have been told I could go NC or LC with my ex who cheated on me and then dumped me but keeps trying to reach out me. Will one lead to my healing faster than the other?
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I went through this this past summer. The LC did nothing but give me hope where the shouldn't have been any. I went to complete NC and it was so very much better. I used it as a way to say goodbye with no intention of ever seeing or hearing from him again and I have to say that reality is far better than false hope. I could only do that when I was ready though. I wouldn't suggest going to NC until you are ready to say goodbye forever and put this behind you. Sometimes the LC can be a crutch to get you to that point as you wean yourself off.
CaliGuy Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Definitely NC for good. As LB said, all LC will do is keep you hoping for another chance to be "treated like crap". If that's what you want. (read links below)
sean1970 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I have been told I could go NC or LC with my ex who cheated on me and then dumped me but keeps trying to reach out me. Will one lead to my healing faster than the other? Forget for a moment that cheating should always be a death sentence for a relationship and just consider what the cheater is really saying to you: -I don't respect you -I can't control myself -I lack courage -I lack character Is that really someone you want to keep in contact with?
Jackie-Jhonson Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I think NC is much better for you, move on and don't bother to aste your time on her! Good luck!
LovelyDaze Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Forget for a moment that cheating should always be a death sentence for a relationship and just consider what the cheater is really saying to you: -I don't respect you -I can't control myself -I lack courage -I lack character Is that really someone you want to keep in contact with? sean1970 is 100% on it. Read all four of those things back. That's what I did in regards to my ex. Doing LC is like being "a little bit pregnant." it just doesn't work. Be with someone who WANTS to be with you fully. I am learning that everyday.
threebyfate Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 If you're looking for a black and white solution, NC is the quickest way to heal and move on, for most. But not everyone can handle perpetual NC since each relationship and all people are individuals, with their own issues. In a situation of cheating or infidelity, I personally found LC helpful, as a way to vent on the cheater, have questions answered and strangely enough, to help him with his issues. It allowed me to forgive the ex in steps and finally, most importantly, to forgive myself for trusting someone who wasn't trustworthy. But there were several tranches of NC over this period of time, when I needed to refuel myself.
twinklecat Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 If you're looking for a black and white solution, NC is the quickest way to heal and move on, for most. But not everyone can handle perpetual NC since each relationship and all people are individuals, with their own issues. In a situation of cheating or infidelity, I personally found LC helpful, as a way to vent on the cheater, have questions answered and strangely enough, to help him with his issues. It allowed me to forgive the ex in steps and finally, most importantly, to forgive myself for trusting someone who wasn't trustworthy. But there were several tranches of NC over this period of time, when I needed to refuel myself. I still go for NC. Tried LC for a bit and it just made me feel a whole ton worse. Plus using LC to try and get answers from a cheater? I gave up as I was just fed more and more lies to the point I don't think he knows what the truth is. But not my problem anymore! ^^
sean1970 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 In a situation of cheating or infidelity, I personally found LC helpful, as a way to vent on the cheater, have questions answered and strangely enough, to help him with his issues. threebyfate... really? Help him with his issues?
threebyfate Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 threebyfate... really? Help him with his issues?Yes, he has clinically diagnosed NPD.
sean1970 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Yes, he has clinically diagnosed NPD. You have Jesus grade forgiveness capabilities. My 'help' to the cheater would be limited to providing the direction they need to walk to go **ck themselves.
threebyfate Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 You have Jesus grade forgiveness capabilities. My 'help' to the cheater would be limited to providing the direction they need to walk to go **ck themselves.I did it for me, in that I had to reroute the anger issues acquired from his infidelity. In order to help him, I needed to step back from the anger. Once in awhile, I would let him feel the full force of my anger, which he had to take as payment for my help. So we worked our way through our own issues. So no, it wasn't all altruistic in nature. For me to represent it as such, would be inaccurate.
Beeotch Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I have been told I could go NC or LC with my ex who cheated on me and then dumped me but keeps trying to reach out me. Will one lead to my healing faster than the other? Ahmmm wow.... I think you definitely need to cut this person off and move forward. It seems more understandable when you have an amicable break up to try to be friends (although that too is not really recommended esp if you still have feelings) but if this person cheats on you and dumps you, there is really ZERO reasons to keep in contact with them. Say what you have to say to this person and cut him off! Most likely keeping in contact will be a disaster.
Wicker_Parked Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 No contact if your the hurt dumpee, and when you finally have worked on yourself, accepted and moving on with you life and plans in the future without this particular person and not broken no contact or re-initiate opening lines of communications (letting your ex call you) then low contact is great in opening the floodgates of friendship if this is what you want and most probably will if you have worked on yourself and the whole scenario is starting to hurt less. In my experience i have felt better in low contact but her always breaking no contact on most ocassions after no contact because hearing news from them and that everything is fine is better that leaving your mind wander with imagination about what they are up to
ecm Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Forget for a moment that cheating should always be a death sentence for a relationship and just consider what the cheater is really saying to you: -I don't respect you -I can't control myself -I lack courage -I lack character Is that really someone you want to keep in contact with? Wow. Well said. Wow.
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