AD1980 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Im almost 30 never been in a serious relaitnship im perectly normal im just really shy and dont have much confidence with the opposite sex,i say give the guy a shot i sure hope when a women finally is interested in me that im not gonna be judged the same way.. I dont think relationships are about experiences its about compatiblity between the two people.. Theyres plenty of people who have allot of relationship experience and still stink at it including over half of the married population that ends up divorced..
b52s Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 so met a guy online, I sorta wondering if his lack of dating is a red flag, he's 33 and says he never had much time for dating, he hasn't date in 8 years. After the first conversation last monday - he asked me what i was doing for christmas "maybe we could se each other". Then he suggested that he call me back on friday - he did, and mentioned getting together again. I have been really sick so unable to make any plans...but as I think about it, what on earth could he have been doing for so much of his life that he never had a serious girlfriend, not even for a year, 6 months. I myself have had at least two relationships long term, the last 7 years, and i am not interested in teaching anyone the ropes.... what to think? Hon, give the man a shot....otherwise, NO ONE will give him a shot. If every woman who decided against dating a man who hasn't been dating in a long time....he'd never get any lovin'. lol
b52s Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I think hearing open honest viewpoints from a 38 year old virgin, as well as what his sex therapist offers, is not bashing, but I do have special insight. I mean the guy seriously has to get up and go to the bathroom just from sitting on the couch with me. Not saying this guy is this extreme, OP, but it would be a turnoff to me, also, to have to "train" a guy at this point. So we're talking training socially AND sexually, forget it. It would probably take several months just to get it so he could last more than 30 seconds in the sack. That means you're not relationship material, and very selfish because you're not willing to put anything into this relationship...it's sheer laziness. "Oh boo hoo, I Have to teach this guy a thing or two.." What's the friggin big deal??!! Woopty doo!!
b52s Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Why should that be a warning? Is it a crime to be a virgin at 33 these days? That's a disgusting generalization to make about virgins. Just becuase one virgin is a certain way does not mean another virgin is the same way. I'm afraid this 33 year old virgin (assuming he is one) will be one at 53 if women refuse to get in relationships with him becuase of that. EXACTLY....it probably happened because he never had sex in highschool..while all the "COOL" friends did....by the time college rolled around, he was a freak because he never had sex as a teenager...and it usually SNOW balls from there in his 30's. All, because he never got laid as a teenager. Senior Year Prom is probably the "Point of No Return" for guys who either get laid or stay virgins Reminds me of American Pie, "We're probably going to be going to college as virgins,you know that, right??!!" LOL I'm thinkin' Yeah, so....you're a stupid kid that shouldn't be having sex while highschool aged.
Yukikazi Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Think of the guy as a blank slate that will let you teach him exactly what you find pleasurable w/o any bad habits needing to be broken.
Author kiki30 Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 Thanks for the feedback everyone, For me personally, my greatest fear is not someone being bad in the sack, or him being socially awkward or anything like that. I am concerned he may not be ready for something long term, he may need to date a few women at this point for him to figure out what is best for him. I also worry that there is some issue - perhaps something serious which has kept him from dating, like emotional issues, or family issues. After my last relationship of seven years of sacrificing, and teaching him everything - it drained me, and I know that I need someone who is somewhere near the same page as me. So I am willing to give him a chance, however I cannot ignore the voice inside of me which is screaming beware, i have ignored that voice before and paid big time.
thegreatmoose Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I think hearing open honest viewpoints from a 38 year old virgin, as well as what his sex therapist offers, is not bashing, but I do have special insight. I mean the guy seriously has to get up and go to the bathroom just from sitting on the couch with me. Not saying this guy is this extreme, OP, but it would be a turnoff to me, also, to have to "train" a guy at this point. So we're talking training socially AND sexually, forget it. It would probably take several months just to get it so he could last more than 30 seconds in the sack. Your sample size is one. Clearly your freind has some serious problems and I'd think his problems have got to be a huge turnoff to most women. Sorry, but I don't buy that a virgin without other serious problems would take "several months" of training. Sure the first time or two might be awkward and the woman may have to lead, but how many times does a happily married couple have sex? Probably thousands. Some poeple are virgins at 33 becuase they have serious problems. Others are virgins because they got started late for a number of reasons. These might be a career or lack of confience when they were younger or 1000 other things. Still others are virgins because they want to wait until marriage or close to that. Lumping all 30+ virgins together into one group is ridiculous. I find it more than a bit strange that you seem to be good freinds with a 38 year old virgin, yet you discourage a woman from dating a 33 year old vrigin that you have never met.
Mary3 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 The last guy that said he had not a relationship or sex in 4 years turned out to be 390 lbs. ( This is from on~line and years ago ~ I have since learned )...
thegreatmoose Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 The last guy that said he had not a relationship or sex in 4 years turned out to be 390 lbs. ( This is from on~line and years ago ~ I have since learned )... So everyone who has not had sex or a relationship in 4 years is overweight? I'm not sure what you mean.
Mary3 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 So everyone who has not had sex or a relationship in 4 years is overweight? I'm not sure what you mean. What I mean is ; He was very large and I did not find him attractive ( And I like Big guys ) so for me personally I could not be intimate with him. So in my mind I could see why he had not been physical lately based on his size...( which is a personal thing , such as you might not be attracted to large women , for example..)
thegreatmoose Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 B-52, are you a virgin? I hope he does NOT answer your question.
nes9 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I'd probably wonder why a guy at his age hasn't dated anyone long term. I went on a date a few weeks ago with a guy who is 37 and never dated anyone for longer than a year and a half- it raised some questions for me. He was also a little over-eager, leading me to wonder if he gets attached quickly and then burns out quickly. Some guys just aren't wired for long term monogamy- some women aren't either. There is nothing wrong with that- but my line of thinking is that I don't want to chance getting involved with someone who will get bored and move on within a year. Are you serious? A year and a half is a pretty legit length of time. Do you not consider a dude boyfriend material if he has not had a relationship of at least 3+ years or something? That's absurd haha.
Rhythmic Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I'm warning you - he's probably a virgin. Virgin guys at that late stage will come basically from just being in a woman's presence, from even just holding their hands. It takes a while to train them to get over their sexual dysfuntions. also, a lot of older male virgins are not satisfied by sex once they have it because they have used their hand and gotten exact stimulation from that for so long, with just the right tightness they want that the vagina is disappointing to them. Just warning you. I have a friend who is a 38 year old virgin guy and he totally told me all of this, he is seeing a sex counselor but still hasn't had sex. I'm not giving a kudos to myself but seriously, this guy comes just from sitting on the couch and watching a movie with me. He understands that we are just friends, but just being on the couch with me makes him have to get up and go to the restroom to clean up because he just ejaculated. Seriously. Read some sites about older virgins over 30. He sees a sex therapist and has been very open and honest with me. I think hearing open honest viewpoints from a 38 year old virgin, as well as what his sex therapist offers, is not bashing, but I do have special insight. I mean the guy seriously has to get up and go to the bathroom just from sitting on the couch with me. Not saying this guy is this extreme, OP, but it would be a turnoff to me, also, to have to "train" a guy at this point. So we're talking training socially AND sexually, forget it. It would probably take several months just to get it so he could last more than 30 seconds in the sack. I hope you never complain about the sexual double standard of men who have lots of sex are looked up to and women who do are sluts like so many women complain about considering your line of thinking is part of the cause of it.
Rhythmic Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Are you serious? A year and a half is a pretty legit length of time. Do you not consider a dude boyfriend material if he has not had a relationship of at least 3+ years or something? That's absurd haha. Male worth is often judged by sexual/relationship success with other women. If he couldn't get a girlfriend for 3+ years something must be wrong with him if other women didn't want him. That is the "logic" used anyway.
AD1980 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Male worth is often judged by sexual/relationship success with other women. If he couldn't get a girlfriend for 3+ years something must be wrong with him if other women didn't want him. That is the "logic" used anyway. Women are goofy
thegreatmoose Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Women are goofy I don't agree with this. Making a blanket statement like that is just like when a couple of people in this thread made generalizations about 30+ year old virgins. There are many different types of women just as there are many different types of 30+ year old virgins.
rateyes Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Male worth is often judged by sexual/relationship success with other women. If he couldn't get a girlfriend for 3+ years something must be wrong with him if other women didn't want him. That is the "logic" used anyway. i honestly hope your the only person who thinks like that... if thats the case shy people in middle/high school are doomed.
betamanlet Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 women desire men that other women desire, and women expect men to be experienced. A guy who would dismiss an inexperienced woman is a pig, a woman who dismisses an inexperienced guy is justified because she shoudln't have to teach him the ropes. There's only ONE double standard that doesn't benefit women, and even that will be gone soon. There are so many double standards against men.
betamanlet Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 In cases like this, a guy should NOT be honest, and just lie. Say you've been in relationships, because women WILL hold a lack of relationships against you given they desire men that other women desire. If you haven't had relationships, it means you aren't popular with women, and hence why should she want you if other women don't want you? Lie, or you will not be given a chance.
b52s Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 In cases like this, a guy should NOT be honest, and just lie. Say you've been in relationships, because women WILL hold a lack of relationships against you given they desire men that other women desire. If you haven't had relationships, it means you aren't popular with women, and hence why should she want you if other women don't want you? Lie, or you will not be given a chance. Yeah, don't even bother telling a woman you're a virgin, and just do the deed without saying a word about it. Considering the circumstances.
Yukikazi Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Yeah, don't even bother telling a woman you're a virgin, and just do the deed without saying a word about it. Considering the circumstances. Not like she wont figure it out anyways...
Rudderless Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 In cases like this, a guy should NOT be honest, and just lie. Say you've been in relationships, because women WILL hold a lack of relationships against you given they desire men that other women desire. If you haven't had relationships, it means you aren't popular with women, and hence why should she want you if other women don't want you? Lie, or you will not be given a chance. Actually, in this specific case, the guys honesty seems to have allowed him to filter out a particularly narrow minded and judgmental person.
b52s Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Actually, in this specific case, the guys honesty seems to have allowed him to filter out a particularly narrow minded and judgmental person. Exactly....it's just sex....what's the big deal? Besides, this is probably why he's a virgin, because he's been turned down by women BECAUSE he's a virgin...so it's rather Catch 22. Go head and be the first gal in his life to give him a thrill....knock yourself out. :-)
betamanlet Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Exactly....it's just sex....what's the big deal? Besides, this is probably why he's a virgin, because he's been turned down by women BECAUSE he's a virgin...so it's rather Catch 22. Go head and be the first gal in his life to give him a thrill....knock yourself out. :-) Won't happen. Women are overly concerned with what other women (their friends) think. So if other women didn't give him a chance, there must be something wrong with him, so she shouldn't give him a chance. Being a male virgin is the 21st century equivalent of being a leper.
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