bluestraps Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Certain people come into our life for a reason I've been here on Loveshack posting replies and reading thru posts exactly 3 months at this point and a few things are certain. We all have regrets, made mistakes, and we think that if we only knew or did things differently we could have stopped the breakup and could have sparred ourselves from this pain we are going through. This goes for dumpers and dumpees. I know that there was a time I needed somebody to bring me hapiness for a short while, and they did. And I know they did too. Many of us are hoping to get our exes back . We are going thru NC, We are waiting, some are still in communication with the other person. We are in some cases maybe scheming, praying , begging or just plain going crazy. We must let others make mistakes... If you believe in a God or not does not matter. We have freewill it is plain to see, we can't controll others and others can't controll us. We as people should constantly grow and become better individuals. We learn from our mistakes and mature and go on. If we could get the other person to see it our way and just come back, we would not allow them to make mistakes and learn from them. In many cases maybe we are to blame for relationships failing, and it is better that we dont get what we want. We must let the other person find out if they have made a mistake by leaving us. Maybe in time they will. The point is we cant mess with the past or the future. If we could change what has happened, all the better things in the future will not come. For thoes of you who know what Presentism is, the concept that the past and future does not really exist, only the present. Then we cannot even efect either if we tried. we should not worry about the past or the future because it simply does not exist anymore We should not mess with the "space-time continum". We should have learned valuable lessons from our "Present" situation. Also we should allow the ones we love to do the same. And come back if they are wise enough to see it.
condogal Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Hi, amazing post...fuh i'm so heartbroken...i don't know what to do with myself...if you have the time you can read my post..."he did the inevitable...from condogal...thanks so much!!
blackbear_703 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Wow...that was amazing. Despite all the chaos of the break-up, I honestly can't imagine what my life would be like now if my ex weren't there over the past several years...particularly when I hit some very rough patches in Life. I don't think I could've made it without her support and being there for me. I also have her to thank for helping get my career goals on track and bringing a good deal of stability to my life. Despite all the aftermath of the break-up, there always is a silver lining in the dark clouds. Thanks again for sharing that and take care!
gaudi Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 That really is a great and inspiring post, nice one Bluestraps, the thing that means the most to me about it is the very last line. We have to give the other person the exact same chance that most of us have been given, to grow as a person and find what we really want in life.
Beeotch Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Certain people come into our life for a reason I've been here on Loveshack posting replies and reading thru posts exactly 3 months at this point and a few things are certain. We all have regrets, made mistakes, and we think that if we only knew or did things differently we could have stopped the breakup and could have sparred ourselves from this pain we are going through. This goes for dumpers and dumpees. I know that there was a time I needed somebody to bring me hapiness for a short while, and they did. And I know they did too. Many of us are hoping to get our exes back . We are going thru NC, We are waiting, some are still in communication with the other person. We are in some cases maybe scheming, praying , begging or just plain going crazy. We must let others make mistakes... If you believe in a God or not does not matter. We have freewill it is plain to see, we can't controll others and others can't controll us. We as people should constantly grow and become better individuals. We learn from our mistakes and mature and go on. If we could get the other person to see it our way and just come back, we would not allow them to make mistakes and learn from them. In many cases maybe we are to blame for relationships failing, and it is better that we dont get what we want. We must let the other person find out if they have made a mistake by leaving us. Maybe in time they will. The point is we cant mess with the past or the future. If we could change what has happened, all the better things in the future will not come. For thoes of you who know what Presentism is, the concept that the past and future does not really exist, only the present. Then we cannot even efect either if we tried. we should not worry about the past or the future because it simply does not exist anymore We should not mess with the "space-time continum". We should have learned valuable lessons from our "Present" situation. Also we should allow the ones we love to do the same. And come back if they are wise enough to see it. GREAT POST! I very much concur. Looking at things in this respect has helped me A LOT! My continuous mantra is "What is to be will be" and "Everything happens for a reason". Yes it is normal to shy away from pain and to constantly think of how to undo things....but sometimes you just have to stop yourself and try to see the bigger picture. So far on my journey I am now seeing the sense and point of certain things occurring, and while my journey is not over as yet, I am more or less content and taking things in stride. I also like what you said about the other person needing to learn from their mistakes. We are ALL self-centered ....really we are. We all are concerned with what our exes did to us, how they ruined our lives, how dumpers are Satan's spawns, etc....but in reality as you have said, each person has a role to play in this life, in life's dramas, in lessons learned. This time you may be the dumpee but the next time you might be the dumper. It is a journey for both people in making mistakes, going through experiences and lessons and learning from it. You don't know what their path is neither do they know yours, but what is for sure is that everything that happens contributes to it so it is best to look at things in this way and you will feel a lot better than simply feeling like a victim.
condogal Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 hi Beeotch! wow your post really helped me thank you so much!!!
nekoxchaos Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I like your posts... I remember freaking out about getting dumped and being hurt about it, hoping they made a mistake etc etc But as you said we can't change what has happened, im feeling better now because I'm starting to let go. I may still be hurt but it doesn't do any better if your hanging around, if that person hasn't been feeling the same way. We should just let time make sense of it all for both parties. The dumpee can start to be strong for themselves and that they are worth more then they initially thought and the dumper may realize either they made a mistake or made the right choice.
Zeegagge Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 My breakup is weird in that it didnt hurt my pride or my ego at all. Our relationship was perfect in every way except the one that counted, the connection. For 3 1/2 years we didnt fight much, we handled our finances well, we went on a lot of fun adventures (we were great at that), and we had some hot sex. Now that we're friends (I know not supposed to do that, long story) Im starting to realize maybe we should've just been friends the whole time, roommates even. The connection was off and we both knew it in the back of our minds the whole time. We were blinded by how good everything else was. I guess Im getting over her little by little then. Up and down a lot but a little less down every day. This site has helped a lot, I don't plan to leave as soon as everything's better. I'll hang around and try to offer some of my insights to others. Not totally over it yet, but Im getting there.
moment Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I agree. My ex and I are friends and I guess we always have been. My situation is very similar to Zeegagge's. In retrospect, we had so much fun and things were so good for a long time. I just think that maybe we were never "in love" like we should have been. It seems that we were settling for each other. We have a healthy respect and admiration for each other and we are capable of having loads of fun, but for some reason we drifted apart and it doesn't really feel wrong. I miss what we had terribly but realize that maybe we should have been friends all along.
Author bluestraps Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 Thanks for the kind words about my post , everyone. I really believe everything i've said. It would be much better for our exes to chase after us. I am hoping my ex realizes she made a series of mistakes and will in time decide she wants me back. Then I will be in the power position. I know my ex well. I would not be surprised if it happens.
pureinheart Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Thanks for the kind words about my post , everyone. I really believe everything i've said. It would be much better for our exes to chase after us. I am hoping my ex realizes she made a series of mistakes and will in time decide she wants me back. Then I will be in the power position. I know my ex well. I would not be surprised if it happens. "Power Position"...relationships are not about power or who has the power at the time, they are about love, especially in the context of this OP. Also I must communicate as respectful as I can it is arrogant to believe that an ex is either wise to come back or unwise to stay away....what this actually says is that "How could a person leave me, they will never find anyone better than me"....believe me, they can find much better...it's an illusion to think we are all that.
Author bluestraps Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 I'm strictly talking about In the context of a breakup, and what you do after. My ex has the power because she broke up with me, she will decide when... and if she realizes she made a mistake. We did have a relationship based on love, But my ex has a lot of problems. Over time things happen. We were together for 10 years.My post was a reaction to all the people who want their exes back. Instead of pushing its better to let them see that they need you and come back and then they feel that they need you which gives you the power. Then you better be ready to do all the things you may have not done or fix the wrong behaviors you brought to the relationship.
Author bluestraps Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 In a breakup, it's a battle for your soul. At that point it's all about power.
Author bluestraps Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 "Power Position"...relationships are not about power or who has the power at the time, they are about love, especially in the context of this OP. Also I must communicate as respectful as I can it is arrogant to believe that an ex is either wise to come back or unwise to stay away....what this actually says is that "How could a person leave me, they will never find anyone better than me"....believe me, they can find much better...it's an illusion to think we are all that. Just a little response to your post , pureinheart..I dont mean that I think i'm better than anyone else. But in some cases its true. In my case my ex girlfriend of 10 years and I had a long and mostly happy relationship. She always told me that she knew how much I love her, and that she never felt love from any other man and never trusted anyone with her heart. But something went wrong. Recently she was getting closer to a friend of mine. This was a friend of mine for 20 years almost. We did alot over the years. We were both hanging out buddies, we spent time at each others places went to concerts ,we were part of a group of friends all guys ,,,like brothers. Over the years she knew him in a just passing way. But in the last year her and I started going to visit him more often. Basicaly she cheated on me with him She told him we were split up, But I didnt know yet. She called me on the phone and told me the next day after they had sex.Im sorry to say she has problems, but I still love her. When refering to your comments. I do believe I'm better that this other guy. Heres why. Hes not good looking ( doesnt mater). He dresses like a bum. He is a user and he is very sneaky. I dont believe he really has her best interests at heart. I know him or at least i thought I did..He basicaly hasnt had a girl for the last 8 years. He told me in so many words when I confronted him that he was and I quote "GIRL GRAZY" basicaly meaning he was Horny !!!But she gave it up., again..Why is he a user. I hepled him move, twice. I bought him food.I helped him many years ago with giving him $500.00 which He never paid back I gave him rides. Even she would tell me she was tired of us taking him here or there because he was using us, This was before she started having feelings for him. I cant begin to tell all the things we did as friends. I trusted him. And she knew it. And she used it against me. And hes got the nerve to have sex with my girfriend when he knows how much I loved her . and still do love her. Even though she cheated on me.So you may ask yourself , why did she leave him. I was only told she was tired of me not commiting to her :ie marriage, This is not true. She basicaly gave up on what we had. I never cheated on her. We were exclusive. I did not have other girlfriends . We were partners in a commited relationship or so I thought. But in fact she cheated on me 4 times over 10 years. So who didnt comitt to who!! . I kept taking her back because she wanted me too. These other guys used her. She found herself being tempted because she felt lonley. I tried the best I could to be there for her and I was. . , I wont get into it here, its too long and painfull.But I decided she must find out on her own. She must see the qualities that are important This way she will become a better person. We must let others decide their own fate. That was the spirit of my original post.
Author bluestraps Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 I agree. My ex and I are friends and I guess we always have been. My situation is very similar to Zeegagge's. In retrospect, we had so much fun and things were so good for a long time. I just think that maybe we were never "in love" like we should have been. It seems that we were settling for each other. We have a healthy respect and admiration for each other and we are capable of having loads of fun, but for some reason we drifted apart and it doesn't really feel wrong. I miss what we had terribly but realize that maybe we should have been friends all along. Good point .I find myself feeling much the same way. But it depends on my mood . Its all part of sifting through the feelings and coping with the loss.
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