eternal.denied84 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 guys please go through my story,its a bit long but i really need your help and guidance to bring back my life. She was my junior in school, we never spoke but I had a crush on her.After 3-4 years I approached her through fb,we started chatting and felt the spark very soon.I asked her out,she agreed.we rushed into things quite early.long phone calls(we were far apart-long distance),telling each other how perfect we are for each other,calling us a couple for forever.The love was blooming she shared her pwd with me and one day after 1 month I found her chat with some guy flirting and spending a night in the hotel.Though that was only a chat it was really a shock for me and i brokeup with her for this-she begged, cried a lot and told me that it was mere stupidity and nothing else,that chat was just a leg pulling and nothing else,since i was really in love with her I trusted her and took her back but after that incident her chat with that guy was always there at the back of my mind and i started having trust issues with her.Whereas after that incident she did everything to gain my trust,she did everything whatever i asked and whatever i didn't ask.She was full blown in love with me but i was not that much due to trust issues i always use to test her and doubt on her so I was not giving my 100%,moreover i was having a very busy and stressed work life as well so sometimes i used to be rude & indifferent to her.well we met after 6 months from the day when we started going out,we made love and had a very gud time for couple of days. Then I came back to my city .Couple of months after I came back she started saying that she doesnt see me as her life partner because she feel insulted with me, my attitude has not been right,and she feel that she is just standing in one queue for me where she stands last. her sudden outburst made me realize that I really love her so much and I have not been giving my 100% i told her she would not feel that in future we got back to love again and everything was going fine untill after 3 months she said that old things keep coming to her mind when I didnt use to care about her and insulted her and so she can not carry out with me. 9 months had passed till now. after this the table were turned i started begging her for forgiving me and giving me one chance and i will correct everything.She didnt listen to me this begging cycle went for 1 month or so when she was not at all listening I got pissed off and started maligning her and even blackmailing her.when nothing worked out i went back to her place to meet her tried to convince her we stayed together again had some good time but she didnt come back. so i came back to my city and again tried to convince her,couple of times she used to agree that okay we will continue but i always wanted her like early stages which never happened,finally she got frustated ,i kept on begging and pleading till one day when she said that she never loved me,it was only attraction from her side,i questioned on all the love we made-her answer was that those things doesn't matter to her much-i got furious and frustated on her and called her slut and pros. next moment i realized what did i do.I sent a sorry mail to her and since then I am on NC.this has been 15 days now. My Problem: 1.I want her back coz i really feel i love her so much. 2.I am on no contact and i have done so many bad things that I myself feel ashamed of going back to her.since I have asked her so many times and she didnt agree i feel reluctant to ask her once more and hurt me again. 3.I feel like sending her a big mail in which I can tell her how sorry i am feeling and how much i really love her. 4.what troubles me is that its she who broke my trust once..and even then its me who is begging for her to come back which is hurting my ego also. what do you guys suggest me.I am sinking in guilt every day for saying bad words to her and i really want to get back but not at the cost of my dignity coz i have already lost it many times. I am also puzzled on how even after apologizing so many times she is just so adamant..can there be someone else involved? pls help me with your thoughts/suggestions/comments on who has been wrong here.I have seriously lost my mind and i am not able to figure out anything.
Space Ritual Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Long distance relationships are hard enough to maintain, because they involve having complete honesty and transparency, and constant communication. Basically all three components have to be there for it even having a chance to work. The fact will always remain that anyone in an LDR runs the risk of having the other person not be as truthful as one would hope. Many people cannot handle the distance and thereby find it easier to have a physical relationship with someone close to them, whilst keeping the LDR person on a string in an emotional fashion. It seems that there is not a lot of trust or communication in your LDR. But don't feel too bad, it happens to the best of us. I suggest you give this up and date someone you can see, touch, kiss and communicate in person to everyday. there is no substitute for that. I really don't think that your LDR has any chancer of surviving,and most likely she has somebody else or did the whole time. I suggest you move on. Good Luck
Author eternal.denied84 Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 Long distance relationships are hard enough to maintain, because they involve having complete honesty and transparency, and constant communication. Basically all three components have to be there for it even having a chance to work. The fact will always remain that anyone in an LDR runs the risk of having the other person not be as truthful as one would hope. Many people cannot handle the distance and thereby find it easier to have a physical relationship with someone close to them, whilst keeping the LDR person on a string in an emotional fashion. It seems that there is not a lot of trust or communication in your LDR. But don't feel too bad, it happens to the best of us. I suggest you give this up and date someone you can see, touch, kiss and communicate in person to everyday. there is no substitute for that. I really don't think that your LDR has any chancer of surviving,and most likely she has somebody else or did the whole time. I suggest you move on. Good Luck why do we dumpee want to know the reason for breakup?this is making me insane beacuse whatever reason she gives..i dont accept..why do i want a reason for gods sake?
Space Ritual Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 why do we dumpee want to know the reason for breakup?this is making me insane beacuse whatever reason she gives..i dont accept..why do i want a reason for gods sake? I don't know, maybe the fact that it is long distance makes it harder for someone to accept. IOnce again, diue to the distance it is easier for the dumper to just hang up the thone or just shut off the computer and go on like you never existed. Thats the thing with Long distance...THE DISTANCE...in reality I have never persionally met anyone who was in an LDR that ever had it work out. I think that temptation for the physical side of things tends to destroy most of them. remember that people are always looking for what they consider "closure" but in reality there never is such a thing. There are always followup questions to the ones we get answered seemingly. Plus closure is over rated. Its of no use to beat a dead horse repeatedly if someone does not wish to remain in a relationship. at least in my opinion. I learned that the hard way though about seeking closure. I am not saying that everyone does not get the answers they seek, but usually they don't like the answers they get. IDK...I still suggest you leave this one behind and date somebody near you. There is no substitute for a warm body next to you
parky-our-zeppelin Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 LDRs can work out, but it's true, you need communication every day, at minimum an hour, and complete trust. Transparency implies that there's the potential for distrust, but you really have to go into it knowing that you will both be faithful without question. It sounds like you've got a lot of unresolved issues to begin with, and once you open up huge wounds like that in a relationship, especially if you really said those things because you thought they were true, it's hard to push them back under the rug. It sorta sucks, but I really think you should move on. This girl sounds flighty and you sound like you've got a lot of commitments and you started off on bad footing, so it would be next to impossible to salvage what you have right now.
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