Ash20 Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Hey everyone, I have a question...well, several actually... 1. Have any of you been in a relationship where your man is being controlled by a friend, ex gf, or other manipulative woman? Where he has fallen for every (or most) of her mind games? 2. Have you gotten rid of her? Or did you end up leaving the relationship because of it? 3. How has this situation affected you? How has it affected your relationship (if you managed to get rid of her and are still with your man)? 4. If you did get rid of this manipulative woman, how did you do it? I would like for this to be a place for everyone to share their experiences with these issues. Thanks so much for your input!
freestyle Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 (edited) Hey everyone, I have a question...well, several actually... 1. Have any of you been in a relationship where your man is being controlled by a friend, ex gf, or other manipulative woman? Where he has fallen for every (or most) of her mind games? 2. Have you gotten rid of her? Or did you end up leaving the relationship because of it? 3. How has this situation affected you? How has it affected your relationship (if you managed to get rid of her and are still with your man)? 4. If you did get rid of this manipulative woman, how did you do it? I would like for this to be a place for everyone to share their experiences with these issues. Thanks so much for your input! Are you posing these questions because you're in a situation like that? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t201311/ here's a link to story that falls into this category: Edited December 13, 2009 by freestyle add link
freestyle Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 one more link:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t213147/
Author Ash20 Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 Thanks for the links. It was helpful to read them. Anyone else have an experience they would like to share? Thanks
Analyticalhope Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I feel for you being in this situation as I currently am to and it is eating away at me. The second link Freestyle posted was to my story. My boyfriend's best friend - Zoe, is a manipulative, controlling personality and I'm as keen as you to know how to stop her from affecting my relationship. The latest is that my bf tried confronting her about her controlling actions, demands on him and her aggression towards me. The hoped-for-controlled conversation where he discovers why she is acting this way towards our relationship did not happen. Instead he tells me that she exploded, claimed that I was the bad guy who had made her feel the worst she had ever felt in her life, and that as long as he was dating me she could not be friends with me. When my bf asked her to explain or give examples of how I had treated her badly, Zoe could not because I have not acted badly towards her even though most would probably say it was well within my rights to turn against her. My bf and I found this latest attempt to split us up particularly hurtful as she was been the one making us feel so miserable and for her to turn round and try to claim that I had made HER feel bad, makes my blood boil! Throughout all her behaviour and plays for the attention of my bf, I have acted oblivious. I stayed polite, smiled at her, wrote her Christmas cards, contributed towards her birthday presents, invited her to things and treated her like a friend, because I thought I should take the high-ground as she use to be a good friend and I hoped that her behaviour would calm down or that we would be able to talk things through. My bf obviously knew that Zoe was lying and this time did not fall for her manipulative tricks. Up to now she has been very manipulative, telling half-truths to get attention from my bf or to try to make me doubt my bf. She would send texts to him demanding that he come and see her immediately because she really needed him. He would dash off, hoping to appease her and get her to stop acting aggressively towards me, hoping to save her friendship. When he reached Zoe it would turn out that there was no urgent need, just that she wanted him to spend time with her. Or she would say that she was really upset about something and that is why she needed him to come, but would never say what she was upset about. She would always send the texts to him when she knew he was spending time with me. I hated how we were stuck in this pattern of appeasing her manipulative behaviour and tricks in the hope of her behaviour getting better due to being appeased. Instead the behaviour got worse and so my bf confronted her a few days ago. The result of the confrontation is that she gave my bf an ultimatum as if there was any competition. Of course he chose me. I'm his GF and the one thing he says that has mad him feel happy throughout the last 2-3months of Zoe's demanding behaviour, which affected our relationship. She managed to eat into the time that we had together as a couple free from work. She made us both feel miserable, strained and powerless to change the situation. We kept hoping she would change or back off as time passed or on several occassion when my bf tried to have words with her. She used to be a good friend and probably my bf's best friend at university and my bf and I had still in shock that it has come to this and that she thought that she could give an ultimatum. My bf and I have now been together for 4months - she didn't split us up, but instead I think we are stronger. We act as a team, supporting one another and discussion our next move against Zoe. We are both going to distance ourselves from her and I guess we are almost relieve at the offer of the ultimatum as we can stop investing hours of effort and stress trying to repair the friendship. It is healthy to distance ourselves as much as possible from her. I will remain polite and smiling and helpful towards her, as I must continue to work with her on my course at university, and because all 3 of us are part of a larger group of friends who are unaware of all that has been going on. However, my bf will be busy if she ever wants to spend time with him and we will both stop emotionally-investing in the friendship with Zoe. My bf wants me to clearly see that it is me he wants and not her and I just hope that we can maintain distance from Zoe whilst returning to university, the course, the same friends and living in the same building. It is still an ongoing problem I guess and I hope someone can offer further advice on how to deal with controlling and manipulative girls. Zoe definitely won't split me and my bf up, but we hate having to put up with bullying behaviour from her. Confronting her did brings things to a head, but an ugly head and although we will now be trying the "polite-blow-off" approach towards her, we would greatly appreciate any advice on how to proceed.
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