eternal.denied84 Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 broke up with my gf and have been on NC for close to 25 days want to move on with life..did everything I could have to get my gf back..didnt work. Do i want her back? yes..why?..my life just seems to be stuck..i really loved her. why did we break? she says she feel insulted with me because i never treated her with respect..atleast this is what she claims..please read my other posts to get the complete picture. am i suing NC to get her back? I am using it to move on with life..i am not seeing any progress in that direction..waste a lot of time thinking about her. do i feel bad for using complete NC? yes to some extent i feel this is also selfish motive to ignore someone just because you are not getting what you want. do i like to be a doormat? hell No. after reading below post from a female dumper..I am changing my mind and thinking of contacting my gf..may be through mail..to let her know that i forgive her..for crushing my hurt.. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114697 again before i get any criticism let me clarify that ..yes i would like her back..or atleast i would like my life back.. should i go ahead and break NC? would it make my life better or make it more miserable? thoughts/suggestions?
LovelyDaze Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 You sound like you believe that by contacting her things will get back to normal between you two...how so? I am an advocate of NC. It's not to get our exes back, it's suppose to be so we can move on with our lives healthily. But maybe you are one of those that must live and learn. Go ahead, contact her by any method you choose. But be warned..even if you get a promising response, don't count on it to stay that way. It hurts even worse the 2nd time. How do I know? I've broken NC on an ex years ago, we got back together for awhile and he dumped me AGAIN and I never felt so much pain. Good luck.
BTLC23 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Yea its been like 6 months since the breakup with me and over four months NC. I should have done what the girls bf did it her post, just got busy and just when i talked to her dont pressure her or ask for anything from her, give love. I think that would have worked, but who knows I might be saying that because I am mad I haven't got any results. For those first three months after i could contact her but if i mentioned anything about the breakup she would bug out. Now she wont even return my texts. I think she might think i was trying to manipulate her by not talking to her. How should i no wtd?
Wicker_Parked Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 i think in some situations it is good to have Low contact after a period of no contact, my ex called me the other day after 5 weeks of no contact except when we accidently ran into each other last weekend. I gotta say its probably best not to initiate breaking no contact if you are a dumpee getting hurt in my case i worked on myself during the 5 weeks and had my whole life planned and moving forward without her, and being a bit sad knowing my life was going forward without her but i finally accepted it. When i got the call i was not acting cool, nor distant, i had a great conversation - and cos i had moved on i didnt even think of her throwing out breadcrumbs, and when the call finished i felt good unlike when you are in no contact and overanalysing things. No contact is great and really does help you, i even dont have the urge or want to have her and have accepted she can meet someone now. But i know that maybe i can start up a friendship again and thats the most important thing as this makes it easier knowing i can move forward in life with her as a friend and being apart of it even if it is not with me. But i am glowing after the call so my feelings may change in a couple of days lol : )
HLP234 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 I dunno but after being so hurt, I don't think I would be able to be friends with someone that did what she did to me. Even though we were best friends for about five years before we dated. Somewhere deep inside the feeling will still be there and talking to her would just make me upset and stop the healing process. For me it doesn't feel like it would get better and I would forget..it will always just linger around.
Wicker_Parked Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 For me it doesn't feel like it would get better and I would forget..it will always just linger around. Okay i hope you read this in a few months time after no contact improving yourself and if and when you Ex calls you back after that period. You will not even think about it, it wont even affect your mind. Trust me before 1 week felt like eternity of no contact, just sitting around hoping it would affect my Exs mind and eventually she would come around. But you have to accept its over, move forward, concentrate on your health before you can be ready for any type of low contact. Its almost the best feeling in the world to know that they call you up and your out doing all new things and they are still stuck in the same whole, and they can date anyone they want without it affecting you. Your Ex isnt part of you no more, think of the next person they date and thank them for taking your Ex off your hands who hurt and gave you so many problems
Author eternal.denied84 Posted December 16, 2009 Author Posted December 16, 2009 well its been close to a month..and i feel it doesnt affect me that much or maybe i am wrong maybe i am trying to console myself or hide my feelings.. if i am thinking of closing this on a good note by dropping her a mail mentioning that now i am okay with the breakup..showing the positive side of me..because during the breakup i acted pathetic and behaved like a big time looser..cried begged..abused and what not.. is it a right step for me to break NC..or will it come as desperate act and act of tricking someone by showing positive side of me. and then this thought comes to my mind that if i am feeling positive or atleast progressing towards moving on why the hell should i show her? why does it affect me that my image should get corrected in her eyes..that i am not a looser?
LovelyDaze Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 well its been close to a month..and i feel it doesnt affect me that much or maybe i am wrong maybe i am trying to console myself or hide my feelings.. if i am thinking of closing this on a good note by dropping her a mail mentioning that now i am okay with the breakup..showing the positive side of me..because during the breakup i acted pathetic and behaved like a big time looser..cried begged..abused and what not.. is it a right step for me to break NC..or will it come as desperate act and act of tricking someone by showing positive side of me. and then this thought comes to my mind that if i am feeling positive or atleast progressing towards moving on why the hell should i show her? why does it affect me that my image should get corrected in her eyes..that i am not a looser? You don't do any of that because you don't want closure or to let her know you are okay...you want her back. I don't hide from myself anymore. I DO like when my ex comes around me at work, talking trash about his current love, trying to ask me out for "after work" drinks, etc. But those are the SAME reasons I know I have to stay away from him. Just think thoroughly what you want from your ex and the breakup. THEN do what is healthy, reasonable and realistic for you. Take care of your heart.
Author eternal.denied84 Posted December 20, 2009 Author Posted December 20, 2009 one monh gone..still recovering..weekends are most hurting..i get strong urge to just talk to her nicely and let her know that i should have agreed right away when she asked for breakup..its wrong to force someone to be with you.. but then i think i dont need to be so good..to her..she doesnt deserve it..why did she come in my life when she had to go away..and the most hurting part is she were not ready to work out? if she is the one who dumped me..if she is the one who hurt me everytime i called her..why the hell i cant control my emotions..how come she can get over so easily and i am sitting her wasting my precious time??? why why..why am i so weak emotionally?
HLP234 Posted December 20, 2009 Posted December 20, 2009 Okay i hope you read this in a few months time after no contact improving yourself and if and when you Ex calls you back after that period. You will not even think about it, it wont even affect your mind. Trust me before 1 week felt like eternity of no contact, just sitting around hoping it would affect my Exs mind and eventually she would come around. But you have to accept its over, move forward, concentrate on your health before you can be ready for any type of low contact. Its almost the best feeling in the world to know that they call you up and your out doing all new things and they are still stuck in the same whole, and they can date anyone they want without it affecting you. Your Ex isnt part of you no more, think of the next person they date and thank them for taking your Ex off your hands who hurt and gave you so many problems That is what all my friends say, there is someone out there to deal with the problems she has and its not you. But I dunno why I love the girl so much, just because when we were friends we both knew we wanted to be with each other. And I guess just the way we liked similar things, talked about anything really openly, and lots of other stuff. I guess treating her really nicely scared her because her other bf's hurt her so much..but now I'm the one who paid for all of that I suppose, even though that's not what she wanted. I guess it depends on the person but if it never goes away than what?
skydiveaddict Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 (edited) i'm going throught the same thing dude. don't do it! it'll put you back @ ground zero gotta hang tough & one more thing, never treat a girl "nice" they get bored w/ that & you will get dumped for sure Edited December 23, 2009 by skydiveaddict
Recommended Posts