have been on NC for 25 days..changing my mind now..need suggestions

[eternal.denied84]

broke up with my gf and have been on NC for close to 25 days want to move on with life..did everything I could have to get my gf back..didnt work.

 

Do i want her back? yes..why?..my life just seems to be stuck..i really loved her.

 

why did we break? she says she feel insulted with me because i never treated her with respect..atleast this is what she claims..please read my other posts to get the complete picture.

 

am i suing NC to get her back? I am using it to move on with life..i am not seeing any progress in that direction..waste a lot of time thinking about her.

 

do i feel bad for using complete NC? yes to some extent i feel this is also selfish motive to ignore someone just because you are not getting what you want.

 

do i like to be a doormat? hell No.

 

after reading below post from a female dumper..I am changing my mind and thinking of contacting my gf..may be through mail..to let her know that i forgive her..for crushing my hurt..

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114697

 

again before i get any criticism let me clarify that ..yes i would like her back..or atleast i would like my life back..

 

should i go ahead and break NC? would it make my life better or make it more miserable?

 

thoughts/suggestions?

[DenverBachelor]

again before i get any criticism let me clarify that ..yes i would like her back..or atleast i would like my life back..

 

should i go ahead and break NC? would it make my life better or make it more miserable?

 

thoughts/suggestions?

 

From my own experiences, I am thoroughly convinced that breaking NC is a bad thing. There are two possible outcomes to long-term NC. Either they will come back to contact you or they will not. Contacting them only leads to failure. That's just my experience. If I could do it all over again, I would have gone NC on day #2 of the breakup and not looked back. Hindsight is 20/20 though, and there are so many different situations out there.

 

I guess that, in the end, trying to salvage an old relationship is more work than finding a new one -- and by the time you get to the point where an old relationship could be salvaged, you should already be exploring new ones.

 

In my honest opinion, 5% or less of relationships that end in a breakup can be salvaged. So cut your losses and move on. You don't want to end up where I have with court dates, restraining orders, etc. It is just an ugly situation all around -- so I'd stick to NC for the long haul and use it to heal and don't delude yourself that it will bring them back.

 

Again, hindsight -- 20/20.

[tnttim]

NC is the only way to go. You'd come off as needing her if you made contact, and she doesn't want that. Woman love when you play hard to get, and that's what you need to establish. I am recon. with my wife and I waited for this for 4 months, and guess what. Now that I have it, I am wondering why I wanted it in the first place. The second time around is filled with even more loniliness, and anguish. I rehashed old feelings that I successfully got over. So before you go through all of this think of this first. You will be rewinding your life, not starting at the beginning. You will go through all the same feelings until you work your way back to loving and trusting her again. Basically if you get her back the feelings you feel right now will still be there. I made the mistake of thinking the same thing, I was dead wrong.

[an hero]

Don't feel like NC is selfish. She broke your heart, if you don't want to make any contact with her then you have every right. As for getting her back.. I really don't know. As hard as it is to hear, your best bet is probably waiting it out. 25 days isn't much in the scheme of things, but you don't want to go throwing that away. If she wants you back, she will probably contact you. If you contact her and seem needy it will probably just turn her off even more.

[Beeotch]

broke up with my gf and have been on NC for close to 25 days want to move on with life..did everything I could have to get my gf back..didnt work.

 

Do i want her back? yes..why?..my life just seems to be stuck..i really loved her.

 

why did we break? she says she feel insulted with me because i never treated her with respect..atleast this is what she claims..please read my other posts to get the complete picture.

 

am i suing NC to get her back? I am using it to move on with life..i am not seeing any progress in that direction..waste a lot of time thinking about her.

 

do i feel bad for using complete NC? yes to some extent i feel this is also selfish motive to ignore someone just because you are not getting what you want.

 

do i like to be a doormat? hell No.

 

after reading below post from a female dumper..I am changing my mind and thinking of contacting my gf..may be through mail..to let her know that i forgive her..for crushing my hurt..

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t114697

 

again before i get any criticism let me clarify that ..yes i would like her back..or atleast i would like my life back..

 

should i go ahead and break NC? would it make my life better or make it more miserable?

 

thoughts/suggestions?

 

Try it and see....

 

Nothing beats your own experience.

[name witheld]

A lot depends on reasons for breakup, but I'd say if you've gone this far then you are committed to NC now.

Fact is she is also NOT contacting you, this is an important point. So basically with NC you are giving her what she wants really.

 

From what you've said I think you need more healing time before you are ready to contact her. You'll just come off as needy just now. Maybe in another month or two you can drop her a line to see how she is doing (ie feel her out), but only if you are ready.

[red_cloud]

From my own experiences, I am thoroughly convinced that breaking NC is a bad thing. There are two possible outcomes to long-term NC. Either they will come back to contact you or they will not. Contacting them only leads to failure. That's just my experience. If I could do it all over again, I would have gone NC on day #2 of the breakup and not looked back. Hindsight is 20/20 though, and there are so many different situations out there.

 

I guess that, in the end, trying to salvage an old relationship is more work than finding a new one -- and by the time you get to the point where an old relationship could be salvaged, you should already be exploring new ones.

 

In my honest opinion, 5% or less of relationships that end in a breakup can be salvaged. So cut your losses and move on. You don't want to end up where I have with court dates, restraining orders, etc. It is just an ugly situation all around -- so I'd stick to NC for the long haul and use it to heal and don't delude yourself that it will bring them back.

 

Again, hindsight -- 20/20.

 

I generally like your posts, but I feel like you completely pulled that # out of you @ss, so I don't feel like its really appropriate to post it.

[sean1970]

I generally like your posts, but I feel like you completely pulled that # out of you @ss, so I don't feel like its really appropriate to post it.

 

What about it do you not care for/agree with? While many posts here follow a similar format (condolence, advice, some of my story, summation), I cant see what you have a problem with?

[red_cloud]

What about it do you not care for/agree with? While many posts here follow a similar format (condolence, advice, some of my story, summation), I cant see what you have a problem with?

 

I don't agree with the 5% - which I feel he just made up on the spot (unless there is actual research behind it?)

 

From everything I've read, at least in terms of marriages, the rates are much higher. Last time I read, 80% of marriage separations reconcile and 14% of divorced couple re-marry. That's a huge statistic.

 

I'm not about giving people false hope and saying they will solve their problems, but I do believe in looking at facts - that a lot of couples do and will reconcile if the offending party takes a good look at themselves.

 

Reconciliation might not work out for some people, but if they go around with the belief that it never happens and is impossible, it 100 million % won't happen for sure.

[sean1970]

I don't agree with the 5% - which I feel he just made up on the spot (unless there is actual research behind it?)

 

From everything I've read, at least in terms of marriages, the rates are much higher. Last time I read, 80% of marriage separations reconcile and 14% of divorced couple re-marry. That's a huge statistic.

 

I'm not about giving people false hope and saying they will solve their problems, but I do believe in looking at facts - that a lot of couples do and will reconcile if the offending party takes a good look at themselves.

 

Reconciliation might not work out for some people, but if they go around with the belief that it never happens and is impossible, it 100 million % won't happen for sure.

 

Fair enough.

[selena_cat]

From my own experiences, I am thoroughly convinced that breaking NC is a bad thing. There are two possible outcomes to long-term NC. Either they will come back to contact you or they will not. Contacting them only leads to failure. That's just my experience. If I could do it all over again, I would have gone NC on day #2 of the breakup and not looked back. Hindsight is 20/20 though, and there are so many different situations out there.

 

I guess that, in the end, trying to salvage an old relationship is more work than finding a new one -- and by the time you get to the point where an old relationship could be salvaged, you should already be exploring new ones.

 

In my honest opinion, 5% or less of relationships that end in a breakup can be salvaged. So cut your losses and move on. You don't want to end up where I have with court dates, restraining orders, etc. It is just an ugly situation all around -- so I'd stick to NC for the long haul and use it to heal and don't delude yourself that it will bring them back.

 

Again, hindsight -- 20/20.

 

Denver guy is right, if your read my post after I broke NC after 6 months you'll see breaking NC is nothing but a waste of time.

1. she willl know that you still care,which means that you'll be the one who will work more in the relationship.

2. Youre the secuity blanket so she can wander elsewhere and have someone else while youre the back up.

believe me if they cared they will break NC,unless you acted despicably to them that of course you'll have to break NC to make amends but dont expect anything more.

 

Dont make the same mistakes,i rather be chasing birds than an ex.

[Crusoe]

You've got a wound, it has a scab, it itches, scratch it and it will bleed.

[DustySaltus]

. You don't want to end up where I have with court dates, restraining orders, etc. It is just an ugly situation all around -- so I'd stick to NC for the long haul and use it to heal and don't delude yourself that it will bring them back.

 

Again, hindsight -- 20/20.

 

Court dates? What the hell happened?

[BTLC23]

Yea its been like 6 months since the breakup with me and over four months NC. I should have done what the girls bf did it her post, just got busy and just when i talked to her dont pressure her or ask for anything from her, give love. I think that would have worked, but who knows I might be saying that because I am mad I haven't got any results. For those first three months after i could contact her but if i mentioned anything about the breakup she would bug out. Now she wont even return my texts. I think she might think i was trying to manipulate her by not talking to her. How should i no wtd?

[an hero]

Yea its been like 6 months since the breakup with me and over four months NC. I should have done what the girls bf did it her post, just got busy and just when i talked to her dont pressure her or ask for anything from her, give love. I think that would have worked, but who knows I might be saying that because I am mad I haven't got any results. For those first three months after i could contact her but if i mentioned anything about the breakup she would bug out. Now she wont even return my texts. I think she might think i was trying to manipulate her by not talking to her. How should i no wtd?

 

Sadly it sounds like you should move on.