Exit Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 (edited) Up until now I've always been the one getting dumped but I've justified it because I never really wanted those relationships to end, I was always happy and ended up getting blind sided. But I did sort of wonder why I was never the one to end anything. Now I'm in a relationship that as far as my confused brain can tell, most likely should be over. But I won't do it. I feel like I'll regret being alone or I'll miss her or I can't count on her taking a few days to think about it and then coming back and apologizing. If we get in an argument I stand my ground until it sounds like she's getting fed up enough to leave me and then I backtrack and try to reel her back in because I don't want to lose her. What is wrong with me I feel powerless either way. I feel like dumping her is one of those spiteful actions where I end up hurting myself too because I will miss her and maybe I'm just being a baby about not getting what I wanted. I truly do not understand how to be the one who ends it unless they did something horrible where I could completely justify it. Obviously it has to do with my own self worth if I feel like putting up with this. I guess I feel abandoned either way. Getting dumped sucks, but if you go to dump someone and they just go along with it and don't really make an effort to stop you then I still feel like I'm the one getting rejected. Edited December 13, 2009 by Exit
Zeegagge Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 You never really said why it is you want to leave her? I mean, if you want to be with her then do it, if you don't then leave her. It shouldn't be about feeling rejected if she doesn't come crying back, it should be about are you happier with her or without her.
moment Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Well, if your gut is telling you that you shouldn't be with her then just cut it off and try to move on. I'm in a similar situation. I had felt that way for a while but I didn't act and ultimately he did break things off and I still feel like crap about it but the fact that part of me recognizes that it is the right thing makes it a bit easier. I'm like you though, I have never been the dumper,,,,only the dumpee.
Ronni_W Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 If we get in an argument I stand my ground until it sounds like she's getting fed up enough to leave me and then I backtrack and try to reel her back in Hey Exit. Is it possible that the problem is more around one or both of you not doing good "relationship conflict resolution"? If it's a 'maybe', you might want to check into that and pick-up some extra tips, tricks 'n' techniques before it gets to the point where ending the relationship is your ONLY way of salvaging your sanity? You could also Google terms like 'fighting fair', 'win-win negotiations', etc. Good luck...hopefully you'll find something that will be helpful.
Author Exit Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 Yeah you have a point Zeegagge I shouldn't do it until I'm at the point where I wouldn't care if I ever heard from her again or not. We just fight a lot. She has a lot of double standards, gets mad at me just for having female friends on facebook but she spends a lot of time with guys. Just a lotta stupid stuff. I'm sick of being stressed out from going back and forth with her, we always get really mad at each other and then hours later we are trying to make up and the cycle keeps repeating. I'm happy with her when things are good, I could live without the bad stuff though. So it's not an easy decision, I know I will be unhappy without her as well. Yesterday I read that "no relationship is better than a bad relationship" but I'm not sure my mind thinks that way. I would rather be with someone I guess. Maybe just dependency.
Zeegagge Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Not being in a relationship that you're used to is just as hard whether you're the dumper or the dumpee. Makes no difference. One day you're together the next you're not. I wanted to leave my ex many times just never had the balls to do it. Eventually she left me. I think she could see things weren't working out for either of us. That was part of it. Still sucks but it would suck either way. ::sings Green Day:: 'It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right, I hope you had the time of your life'
hoping2heal Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 We just fight a lot. She has a lot of double standards, gets mad at me just for having female friends on facebook but she spends a lot of time with guys. Just a lotta stupid stuff. Okay, this is the part where you start screwing yourself. You are setting the tone of your entire relationship if you don't expect equal treatment. You don't necesarily have to break up with her, but there shouldn't be constant double standards either. You need to get the point across to her that if she isn't comfortable with a behavior you are doing; she shouldn't expect you to be either. Do not tolerate all of these double standards you are setting a tone that says "I will allow you to mistreat me, I will tolerate it. I will not see myself as an equal in this relationship" Then, in a month you will be writing all broken hearted that she dumped you, and you can't understand why. I'll spell it out of you- no one likes a pushover. They aren't sexy, they get old quickly and they bore the hell out of us really fast. Treat us with respect, and demand respect in return. I'm sick of being stressed out from going back and forth with her, we always get really mad at each other and then hours later we are trying to make up and the cycle keeps repeating. Understood, so put an end to the cycle. She can start treating you with some respect and pull up her bootstraps, or she can get out because she isn't fit for a relationship and the one you two would continue on in will just self destruct anyhow. I'm happy with her when things are good, I could live without the bad stuff though. So it's not an easy decision, I know I will be unhappy without her as well. Yeah, well you aren't going to keep her if you don't quit being her welcoming mat either. She eventually is going to get bored out of her skull and bye bye birdie for you. I mean it, being someone's walkway isn't being a nice guy. It won't earn you any points. Never has, never will. I don't know how many guys put up with girls pulling double standards on them left and right, expecting what they won't give in return. The guy doesn't assert himself or his rights to respect and equality, he gets dumped and then complains "all girls want to be treated like crap". No, they don't. No one LIKES being treated like crap, but if you are staying in that situation it's because you are either immature or not very self aware at that stage in your life. Anyhow, that's another story. Yesterday I read that "no relationship is better than a bad relationship" but I'm not sure my mind thinks that way. I would rather be with someone I guess. Maybe just dependency. Yes, obvious dependency. You are so desperate to have a relationship you will allow anyone to treat you anyway and you will still be there like their lost puppy. So not sexy. So not what any woman wants to marry or spend her life with.
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