tkgirl Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 sort of a part three but the update is I'm starting to re-think the younger guy thing... For those of you who haven't read my previous posts about this, there's a guy I work with and we've become pretty good friends over the past few months... hung out... gone snowboarding with a couple times and well, flirted a bit. I thought it was all innocent... we have always been really comfortable around each other and joke around a lot.. he's a total sweetie and is pretty cute etc. and well.. now I have to admit he is kind of growing on me! So this past week he tells me he is really attracted to me and I'm getting the feeling he wants to be more than friends... there's definitely some "vibes" going on between us. all good, right? the thing is.. he is much younger than me AND we work together... to me it just doesn't seem like such a good idea at all.. but on the other hand, I do like him.. it's weird! I've never been in this sort of situation before, the huge age difference thing I mean... he's 30 and I'm 44... I could use some advice I guess... anybody here that can relate? been in a situation like this or...? thanks!
Yukikazi Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 sort of a part three but the update is I'm starting to re-think the younger guy thing... For those of you who haven't read my previous posts about this, there's a guy I work with and we've become pretty good friends over the past few months... hung out... gone snowboarding with a couple times and well, flirted a bit. I thought it was all innocent... we have always been really comfortable around each other and joke around a lot.. he's a total sweetie and is pretty cute etc. and well.. now I have to admit he is kind of growing on me! So this past week he tells me he is really attracted to me and I'm getting the feeling he wants to be more than friends... there's definitely some "vibes" going on between us. all good, right? the thing is.. he is much younger than me AND we work together... to me it just doesn't seem like such a good idea at all.. but on the other hand, I do like him.. it's weird! I've never been in this sort of situation before, the huge age difference thing I mean... he's 30 and I'm 44... I could use some advice I guess... anybody here that can relate? been in a situation like this or...? thanks! Your a cougar.. enjoy the youthful virility you are about to receive and just roll with it
BentSpine Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 How often do you meet attractive people that you connect with? If often, then you can probably add one more requirement without ending up alone for a long time. But if it's not an common event for you, I would look critically at what really constitutes "doesn't seem like such a good idea at all". After introspection, you can always choose to proceed with caution. Good luck
Author tkgirl Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 Your a cougar.. enjoy the youthful virility you are about to receive and just roll with it I never thought about it but I guess I am... RAWR! if you just want sex, go for it. you make it sound so easy... How often do you meet attractive people that you connect with? If often, then you can probably add one more requirement without ending up alone for a long time. But if it's not an common event for you, I would look critically at what really constitutes "doesn't seem like such a good idea at all". After introspection, you can always choose to proceed with caution. Good luck huh? but yeah, I need to think this through a bit.. I'm just surprised that I'm now finding myself attracted to him and I'm not sure where that came from...
Lizzie60 Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Come on.. go for it.. just protect yourself.. don't get emotionnally attracted to this guy.. just do it for the fun of it.. no serious long-term goal.. Life is too short... and 14 years is not a big deal..
Kamille Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 I... AM... try-ing... to ... resist.... the urge to... write this but.... I knew this would happen! It was something in the way you talked about him in your other thread. Very ambivalent. Had you not been interested a little bit, you wouldn't have had any qualms about apologizing for unknowingly leading him on. Another reasons I suspected that this would happen is the fact that the reason you were giving to reject his interest is pretty bogus. Age difference? So what? You can't prevent problems before they happen, so why don't you just date him and see where it leads you. Then you can come back and tell us why dating someone younger is either great or a problem. It's just a date, not a marriage. There is, however, the work thing. How closely do you work together and what is your office's policy in regard to office relationships?
Author tkgirl Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 I... AM... try-ing... to ... resist.... the urge to... write this but.... I knew this would happen! It was something in the way you talked about him in your other thread. Very ambivalent. Had you not been interested a little bit, you wouldn't have had any qualms about apologizing for unknowingly leading him on. Another reasons I suspected that this would happen is the fact that the reason you were giving to reject his interest is pretty bogus. Age difference? So what? You can't prevent problems before they happen, so why don't you just date him and see where it leads you. Then you can come back and tell us why dating someone younger is either great or a problem. It's just a date, not a marriage. There is, however, the work thing. How closely do you work together and what is your office's policy in regard to office relationships? LOL! yeah, you know the age thing really isn't that much of an issue... I feel much younger than my age... I'm often told I look it too... in fact, the age thing almost makes me more attracted! I'm trying to figure out why... hmmmm... I can't, oh well! but the work thing is pretty huge.. we work in very small department (like 7 of us) and we'd have to keep it private or it could get really weird. I've dated guys I worked with before... a few times actually.... and after the last guy I swore I wouldn't do it again... aggh! what to do?!!! I do like this guy but this just has disaster written all over it...
BentSpine Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 huh? In short, your age requirement is valid if you can get away with it. That is, if after weeding out the younger men you still have a pool of suitable men your age wanting to date you. Loneliness for a long time is in general the result when you have too many requirements.
Author tkgirl Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 In short, your age requirement is valid if you can get away with it. That is, if after weeding out the younger men you still have a pool of suitable men your age wanting to date you. Loneliness for a long time is in general the result when you have too many requirements. ok, it makes sense now... thing is, there isn't that many guys I know that are my age that I'm attracted to.. or that are available! and I have always dated younger guys for the most part... just not this young. Then there's the work thing... the two factors together make it difficult, not impossible but... just not sure how this would work...
You'reasian Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 sort of a part three but the update is I'm starting to re-think the younger guy thing... For those of you who haven't read my previous posts about this, there's a guy I work with and we've become pretty good friends over the past few months... hung out... gone snowboarding with a couple times and well, flirted a bit. I thought it was all innocent... we have always been really comfortable around each other and joke around a lot.. he's a total sweetie and is pretty cute etc. and well.. now I have to admit he is kind of growing on me! So this past week he tells me he is really attracted to me and I'm getting the feeling he wants to be more than friends... there's definitely some "vibes" going on between us. all good, right? the thing is.. he is much younger than me AND we work together... to me it just doesn't seem like such a good idea at all.. but on the other hand, I do like him.. it's weird! I've never been in this sort of situation before, the huge age difference thing I mean... he's 30 and I'm 44... I could use some advice I guess... anybody here that can relate? been in a situation like this or...? thanks! Go full bore with your impulses and when you get bored, move on to the next guy right away. Doesn't matter that you work together or does it? I kid, I kid. Do whatever you want to do. Its all about you and your wants and needs...
dazzle22 Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 My husband is 12 years younger than I am and I love being with a younger man. The work thing is what would give me pause...things can go so sideways quickly and soon you are watercooler conversation. Why don't you just take things really slow? Don't go anywhere where you could end up in bed together. Meet up to do things, and go home on your own, until you get a feel for whether this is worth taking a chance over, or if it is just lust for a sweet young thang! Oh, yeah!
Author tkgirl Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 My husband is 12 years younger than I am and I love being with a younger man. The work thing is what would give me pause...things can go so sideways quickly and soon you are watercooler conversation. Why don't you just take things really slow? Don't go anywhere where you could end up in bed together. Meet up to do things, and go home on your own, until you get a feel for whether this is worth taking a chance over, or if it is just lust for a sweet young thang! Oh, yeah! great advice! I think that's what I'll do... thanks! and thanks to everyone else that responded... really helped me put things in perspective... you guys ROCK!
melodymatters Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Check out the pic in my profile. That is me and my 24 yr old husband at our wedding ! I was 18 yrs older than him. We were very happy, but sadly he passed away in an accident this last may. Which also goes to show you : life is short, and all the woulda, shoulda, coulda's ( "will he still love me when I'm 50 ? etc") Sometimes don't matter one bit ! Go for it !
Author tkgirl Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 Check out the pic in my profile. That is me and my 24 yr old husband at our wedding ! I was 18 yrs older than him. We were very happy, but sadly he passed away in an accident this last may. Which also goes to show you : life is short, and all the woulda, shoulda, coulda's ( "will he still love me when I'm 50 ? etc") Sometimes don't matter one bit ! Go for it ! thanks for sharing that... I love the pic but I'm so sorry that you lost him last year... I truly am. And yes, I agree... life is too short. That's why I'm going to try to have a more open mind about all this now.
dazzle22 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 MelodyMatters-that is sooo sad. I would be bereft if my beautiful man would die! I am sure you have great memories forever and I am sure you are glad you went for it with such a wonderful man for the time he had on this earth. Younger men are so awesome. They make you feel young, like a teenager again! At least mine does.
Author tkgirl Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 so now that I decided I might just give the younger dude a try, it seems that he's having second thoughts! or maybe I'm just being too sensitive.. I don't know. I mean, nothing really happened or was said, it's just that he was definitely acting different around me today... more distant. I decided this is not what I want... I mean, I want a boyfriend not a boy toy. but I am flattered that a much younger guy found me attractive so I guess I'll just take that for what it's worth and move on...
melodymatters Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 He might just be feeling shy or weirded out ( remember he is younger, has less life experience). I mean sure, he might have met somone else over the weekend and is feeling guilty and giving you the cold shoulder because of that, but there could be a million other reasons. Just sit back, keep being you and see what happens ! I JUST opened an okcupid account stating " new friends" and probably 80% of the guys writing and IM'ing are in their 20's. I guess it's the fashion now for some strange reason, so we might as well surf with it !
Author tkgirl Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 He might just be feeling shy or weirded out ( remember he is younger, has less life experience). I mean sure, he might have met somone else over the weekend and is feeling guilty and giving you the cold shoulder because of that, but there could be a million other reasons. Just sit back, keep being you and see what happens ! I JUST opened an okcupid account stating " new friends" and probably 80% of the guys writing and IM'ing are in their 20's. I guess it's the fashion now for some strange reason, so we might as well surf with it ! yeah, when he and I talked about it last week I asked him about why the age thing didn't bother him as much... he said he liked how I was so confident and knew what I wanted and younger girls play too many games... thing is now he seems to playing games, too... ugh! I mean, we were still friendly and stuff but.. definitely different. I also think the work thing is a part of it... we are in a waaaay small department and it would get around so fast if anything were to happen and people found out.. it would be too weird...
Kamille Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 so now that I decided I might just give the younger dude a try, it seems that he's having second thoughts! or maybe I'm just being too sensitive.. I don't know. I mean, nothing really happened or was said, it's just that he was definitely acting different around me today... more distant. I decided this is not what I want... I mean, I want a boyfriend not a boy toy. but I am flattered that a much younger guy found me attractive so I guess I'll just take that for what it's worth and move on... That's the beauty of it! Since you were having doubts anyway, it's no big loss. Just go with the flow. You have a younger guy at work who thinks you're cute. Men might be iffy about whether they want to date a woman or not, but they don't change their mind about whether a woman is attractive or not in less than a weel. So, my advice, ignore his uneasiness and keep up the light flirting. All comes to worst, you'll be where you are now. (Just don't get emotionally invested).
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