jimbo Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Met this lady for drinks and appetizers on Wednesday. Talked for about 2 hours during the meal, everything was pretty smooth going and had her laughing several times. At the end walking back to the parking lot, I asked her if she was up for a movie this weekend. She said sure. I asked if she was available Saturday, she said not sure, as she was doing something for Chanukah or something (even though she said she did not keep religious during the meal. Did not bring this up. Said no problem. How about Friday? She said she thinks she's doing something with her friends on Friday. Said fine, let me know. Said I had a great time and said she did too. Hugged and I walked away. Have not spoke since and she's not closed me out on Chemistry.com. Confused on how to proceed.
carhill Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Suggest a matinee for next Sunday. Hanukkah will be over Saturday and it won't interfere with her plans with friends on Friday. Presuming you have her phone number, call her and ask her out. Accept her response. If she waffles or declines and offers no alternative, end the conversation and forget her.
meerkat stew Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 If she did not suggest an alternative plan, especially after your second suggestion of day, I'd write her off and move on. This is a personal preference, admittedly, as I can't stand women who sit back entirely passively and sweat guys like she did with you. In my experience, those tend to be either a) not really interested despite what they say or b) self-absorbed and lacking in compassion. In the future, consider not asking women out for the next date while you are on one and also don't prequalify a date with a non-specific day and then try to narrow down. Ask out for a specific day, time and activity, then wait for a simple yes or no. When turning you down, the woman of quality who is interested is going to say, "I have plans that night (with no other explanation) but what about X?" If she declines 2 invitations in a row without suggesting a plan B, she's just not interested.
Author jimbo Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 I will be honest, I was a bit taken back by when she declined twice, but she seems a bit on the shy side. Additionally, she's not viewed my profile since the 9th. Since I already out my invite on the table, I was going to waiting until Monday or Tuesday. If I do not hear back, just close it out an move on. This has happened before to me, once through Chemistry.com. She said she'd like to go to the movies, and then when she got home, she closed me out. After the two declines on my movie offer, I was certain that she would close me out, but nearly a week later, she has not. So again, not sure if she is just shy or what. I have a Friday open, but Saturday and Sunday are already booked. I was not head over heals attracted to her, but I like to give everything at least two chances.
carhill Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 If you're already 'booked', this thread should not exist. Entertain those potentials. If the 'booking' isn't an attractive lady, then you'll have to decide your priorities for yourself. Can't help you with that decision.
meerkat stew Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 I have tons of experience with match, but none at all with chemistry.com. Mind sharing how it works? Do they book dates for you? What does it mean to be booked or closed out?
Author jimbo Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 Very similar to eharmony. Either person strikes an interest in the other they can send an initial q&a. If the receiving end also has an interest, they reply back or close out. During any point either side can close the other out. Made through all 4 steps into open e-mails. Under my connections, it shows the last time the person checked your profile out. She viewed me last on the 9th. Same as me to her. Interestingly enough, it took 3 weeks to get from step one to a first meet. Other lady I am setting up a meet with, who, by the way thought she was WAY out of my league, surprisingly responded and we've both gotten to e-mail in less than a week. I am guessing she may have an bigger interest in me than the one I took out last week. Then again, I have gotten to five direct contacts, and so far three of them flaked out on me. Lotta flaky women in these woods. Not sure why someone would pay for a service, go through the motions and just flake out.
DustySaltus Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Damn, this sounds complicated. The way I've ended first dates are usually (if they went well) to say, I had a good time and we should get together again.,,,and LISTEN very closely to their reaction. Usually, you can figure it out from the tone of their voice and save yourself a lot of confusion. If they say that they would like that then I give them a call or send them a message saying I'm free X, Y & Z and I'd like to take you out to dinner, let me know what works for you.....that's it. No response or lukewarm response...you can make another attempt but usually it's futile. Someone will let you know SOONER than later that they want to see you again. Then again, she can be shy....man, dating sucks sometimes.
meerkat stew Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Thanks for the clarification, that does sound rather complicated. Have you tried match directly without the chemistry infrastructure?
Author jimbo Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 Yep. Tried Match several times. Over four months e-mailed over a hundred ladies. They checked out my profile but never replied. BIG ego destroyer.
meerkat stew Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Yep. Tried Match several times. Over four months e-mailed over a hundred ladies. They checked out my profile but never replied. BIG ego destroyer. It is rough at first, I had similar results when I started back in 2006. After some hard work, and gaining online experience, suffice it to say things are much different. Have dated the best profiles in my metro area consistently, and am usually the one holding off sex til the second or third date. My married friends are green envious of my lifestyle. Am not on match currently, waiting til Spring to crank up again. Happy to help if possible with specific questions or techniques. Frankly, chemistry.com does not sound ideal for guys for various reasons, IMO you might be better served by emailing several women on match at a time directly as opposed to the back and forth questionnaires.
Author jimbo Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 Its similar to how eharmony works. I appreciate the offer, but I'm not wanting to go back to match even though I still have 3 mos left of my subscription. The experience was just way too negative. Tried Plentyoffish.com too and received zero responses as well. Well, let me clear that up. The ones who to contact me are ones which are over weight and not my type. I have an athletic build, I am looking for similar. When I was on Match, I did get a wink a day or so from these types of women. Always say thanks, but not my type. My chemistry.com subscription ends at the end of Jan. Prob. done with it by then. Until then, let the chips fall where ever.
Left in a Lurch Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Send her a message saying you have tickets to some professional sporting event and they are in the owners suite as he is a friend of the family, and there will be a team party for VIPs with the players after the game. Tell her to let you know if she wants to go with you because you need to know how to schedule the limo and where the team should send her VIP gift package, and if she is ok with paying the tax on a $5,000 gift package. Wait for her to jump at the chance and reply back, "on second thought, you're not all that attractive, forget I asked you. Merry Christmas." Might as well have fun with it.
Author jimbo Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 Send her a message saying you have tickets to some professional sporting event and they are in the owners suite as he is a friend of the family, and there will be a team party for VIPs with the players after the game. Tell her to let you know if she wants to go with you because you need to know how to schedule the limo and where the team should send her VIP gift package, and if she is ok with paying the tax on a $5,000 gift package. Wait for her to jump at the chance and reply back, "on second thought, you're not all that attractive, forget I asked you. Merry Christmas." Might as well have fun with it. Nah, that isn't a cool thing to do.
Left in a Lurch Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Nah, that isn't a cool thing to do. About as cool as agreeing to a date that you then say you are too busy for. If more women reaped what they sewed less would pull this crap. The high road is for losers and everyone knows it.
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