Is he crazy or am I insensitive?

[misscranium]

Hello! This my first time posting anything and leaving the status of creepy lurker. I'm just a little confused right now about a boy and was looking for advice. I'll try to make this as short and un-whiny as possible. I'll give a little backstory so it makes more sense as to where I'm at right now.

 

I'm in college and a generally friendly person and towards the beginning of this semester I started talking to one of the guys in my class. I thought he was uber cute, but it wasn't with romantic intention and I wasn't "hunting" him. It turned out we had somethings in common and he asked me if I needed someone to play a few base lines in a band I'm starting. We also started casually teasing each other in class, but I didn't think much of it at the time other than friendly flirting. I'm the type of person where a guy has to practically shake me and scream in my face that he's interested before I'll get the hint. I realized it was slightly more than friendly when he kissed me at a concert we agreed to go to together. We were both intoxicated at the time so I wasn't sure if it was just the heat of the moment or what. He spent the night(we didn't do anything scandalous though) and he was cuddly and playful in the morning while sober.

 

After that we started hanging out a bit more outside of class. Nothing too intense yet. I met some of his friends and roommates, so I wasn't a dirty little secret, but I wouldn't call him a boyfriend. We saw each other twice a week through class and would spend at least a day together outside of that. Also, I'm definitely not ready to "settle down" right now and I haven't even really decided if I want another boyfriend just yet so I'm not opposed to keeping things casual. He's always very sweet... holds doors for me and picks up after me when I drop something in my fuddy duddy manner. He always managed to sit next to me and would get shushed by the teacher for his talking to me during presentations.

 

Backstory on him... He's been partially living with his older sister for the past couple of months. One reason is because his car was totaled and he borrows her car to get back and forth to school during the week. The other reason is because she's having a lot of physical health problems and he helps her with daily chores and sometimes just maintaining her sanity. She's depressed and angry at life right now so they have a strange love hate relationship.

 

Fast forward... After about 3 weeks after that we eventually had sex. Without going into too much detail, I will simply say he was a little awkward... which was odd because usually he was pretty confidant (and very talented)whenever we fooled around before that. I'll mention that there's about a five year age gap between us. He'll be 21 soon and I just turned 26. It didn't seem like that big of a deal because to be honest, I'm rather immature and very young looking. We look and act the same age.

 

Anyhoo, we ended up stopping during sex and he admitted to me that he was intimidated because I was older and had "probably been with more experienced guys." I tried to comfort him and told him that it was no way in hell a problem and that I liked being with him. He also said that he thought we should get closer to each other(which scares me a little). We left on good terms, kissed goodnight, and he asked me to call during the weekend if I wanted to hangout or if I didn't have time then we would just see each other in class. That was Thanksgiving weekend so not only was I out of town, but I got stranded in my hometown and missed our class day as well. I saw him later and told him I had a hard time at home and he seemed pretty chill about it. He was actually very sweet and even asked me if I wanted to talk about the problems I had at home.

 

Since I was M.I.A. for about 4 days, I asked him if he wanted to hangout that upcoming Thursday or Friday instead. I texted him on Thursday and he said Friday would work better for him. He called me on Friday and said he was having issues with his sister and he thinking about leaving town to go look at a car. I told him to call me when he decided what he was going to do. He didn't call that day or all weekend so I assumed he went back to his hometown.

 

I saw him in class and the first thing he asked me was how my weekend went and what did I do. I told him then asked how his stint out of town went? He said he didn't do anything that weekend he was actually IN TOWN the entire time. Infact, he actually had a little party at his house. I kinda brushed it off since he's not technically a boyfriend, but it still hurt my feelings/ego a little that he was sitting on his ass and didn't even call back to let me know. This was odd behavior anyway because he always calls back and texts and is good about that stuff. Things went on as normal for the class period, our usual playful interaction and talking. As usual, he grabbed his backpack and coincidentally managed to leave at the exact same moment I started packing up. He followed me to my car and we sat for a while and he let out a verbal fart of how his sister is driving him insane. Then he started asking me questions about my band. After that he jumped out of the car so abruptly I didn't even have time to say "goodbye." I can't really put the interaction into words, but it was weird and left me feeling uncomfortable.

 

Next class period he walks up to me and tells me that he made several baselines for my band. I bring this up because my band is barely even imagined at this point. There are only 2 other members, which he still hasn't met, and none of us have practiced together. I told him I'd have to hear his base sometime and he simply responded with, "You will." I'm only the vocalist, but as far as I know, it's kinda weird that he made entire baselines for songs that don't exist yet. Is that sweet, odd, or controlling? I don't know. Seriously, I don't know. Are there any musicians in here? I'd like your opinion on that.

 

For a change he manages to leave class the before I do and without saying goodbye so I assume he's just left and whatever. I'm walking into the hall and I hear him arguing on the phone with his sister. I playfully tap him with my notebook and start leaving when he tells me to wait up. We're walking outside and he asks me if I'm going to be around during the break and how long I'm going to be in school in general. I tell him and then ask him a question(I forget what) and he doesn't respond and just keeps walking. It was strange. It didn't feel so much like he didn't hear me, but just like he was in a different place in his head at that time. Eventually we both separate our walking patterns to go to our cars and he yells back at me that he'll "call me sometime." Usually when a guy says that to me I assume that means he's not going to call, but I guess I have to hear these baselines sometime in the future.

 

That interaction happened before this weekend. Supposedly he is actually out of town right now finally getting a new car. Not sure what kind of advice I'm seeking, I think I'm just not sure what to make of this guy. Mainly I'm just going to see if he does call now that we won't be seeing each other regularly. I'm afraid to even call him because I don't want to be seem desperate or make effort towards something that might be a mess. Most of my lovers and boyfriends in the past have played a lot of mind games with me so I'm rather fearful and untrusting. My first thought was to just write him out of my life entirely, but one of my friends said he just sounds like he's very nervous. I've come to a few thoughts and possible conclusions...

 

1. He's just trying to brush ME off and he's not very good at it.

 

2. His sister and various other family problems really are just driving him crazy. In which case I have to decide if I feel like dealing with someone who has that much drama.

 

3. He just wants to be friends now and he doesn't know how to say that.

 

4. He only wants me for my barely beginning band.

 

5. I'm over reacting, or too sensitive, or too insensitive.

 

I'm just going to sit and see what happens since its not an uber serious relationship or anything too intense... But I do miss him a bit and was wondering if anyone had any thoughts.

Edited December 13, 2009 by misscranium
grammar

[You'reasian]

You said you haven't decided if you want a boyfriend or not. He's picked up your signals and is probably doing his own thing. This guy isn't your boyfriend and therefore isn't obligated to call you.

[misscranium]

Good point. Hmmm... that makes me ponder what signals I've been giving out. I do comfort him when he's been in turmoil and show him affection. But I'm not sure how to be normal as opposed to just "OMG, YOU MY BOYFRIEND NOW!"