dario Posted December 18, 2003 Posted December 18, 2003 Do I just lie to my ex-girlfriend when she asks if I'm okay? (When I'm not) I mean....she asked me in an sms how was I and I just said 'I'm okay....but, yeah, I do miss you.' Should I tell her about the pain I'm going through?
maxmuscle Posted December 18, 2003 Posted December 18, 2003 Hell no! Act happy and not affected. Enough to sound like you are not faking, eventhough you are. If you tell her that you are sad, then that will turbo boast her ego into the stars. DO NOT lay your feeling all out for her. Please!
Caddy Posted December 18, 2003 Posted December 18, 2003 Even though you may be hurting really badly from the breakup, don't tell her each and every feeling. You never know if she's going to try to use it against you, and you certainly don't need her feeling sorry for you. Good luck with that you will find that special someone!
SoleMate Posted December 18, 2003 Posted December 18, 2003 It's not lying to say, "Oh, I'm all right." It's a social pleasantry - or at least, you can take it that way. MaxMuscle is right...it is not in your interest to show your pain. Try forcing a smile on your face, and after a while it waill start to feel like it belongs there. If she presses the issue, "I really want to know how you feel about our breakup", then the correct answer is, "Everythings's fine, I've been <doing whatever>. How about you?"
Author dario Posted December 18, 2003 Author Posted December 18, 2003 In the past I've had dire relationships...and we've fought. When it's been over I've not exactly pleaded but the girl saw my pain. We got back together....on and off. Now, I have finally met this beautiful girl and she ended it due to her health and the fact that she's got to take care of a few problems. I've offered help...she says she can't ask for it. I only feel that I might be losing a chance if I don't open up as I did in the past...not exactly pleading...but, y'know, tell her honestly that it hurts etc. It's weird.
SoleMate Posted December 18, 2003 Posted December 18, 2003 Broke up with her bf because of her health?? I'm confused. Anyhow, pleading turns women off...PERIOD. If you want to stay close to her, morph yourself into her quasi-platonic friend who supports her during her health or other problems. Just don't let her confide in you about other romantic opportunities. I would act like a very close and old-fashioned big brother, who loves his sister so much he can't stand to even hear that she sees other men. No guarantee that it will work, but at least the brother approach gives you a fighting chance. Unless your ex has a fetish for whining, and I've never met a woman who does, the pleading/begging/"I'm so hurting" business DOES NOT WORK.
Author dario Posted December 19, 2003 Author Posted December 19, 2003 She is a recovering from substance obuse. She says that when with me...she thinks about me all the time and can't concentrate on her own dreams/work and she fear that she is falling back into her old ways. My fault in that I didn't curb her when we were drinking.
FourHorsemen Posted December 19, 2003 Posted December 19, 2003 deffinately gotta lie, I told my ex how i fealt and she pretty much just said sh pittied me. If they give the impression they're over you, you gotta do the same thing. Otherwise you just look pathetic.
Author dario Posted December 19, 2003 Author Posted December 19, 2003 I sent her her xmas gift. She emailed saying that's she okay and that she'd like me to write something on it....but also added that it might not be the right time... I sms'd her saying 'That's okay. I'm okay - but I miss you. ' Kinda like lying...and putting a nail in the coffin. She is recovering from substance abuse....I should have done something more.
yes Posted December 19, 2003 Posted December 19, 2003 i agree that you needn't show her that u'r in pain, but by all means do show it to your friends/family. bottling it up inside does you no good. it's not pathetic to be upset over a break-up!! she's the only person in the world to hide it from! best of luck, -yes
Vivid_29 Posted December 19, 2003 Posted December 19, 2003 Dude - It's ok to miss her and hurt, but don't let her know that you are hurting. I don't know your girl, but some will take kindness for weakness, and think that it's sappy and gay to behave like that. Here and some guidelines - 1. Never let them know that you are hurting 2. Never tell them that you are lucky to be with them 3. Never tell them that life is nothing without them 4. Never say that you'd die for them I agree with yes -- don't keep it bottled up. Jot down your thoughts on paper, scream, yell, find a nice lady friend to talk to. ~V
Author dario Posted December 19, 2003 Author Posted December 19, 2003 We were so honest with each other - she probably sees right through me.... I know that there will be poeple who say that there are other fish in the sea and all that. But, really, after a dark past of my own and her...I'm not going to venture into romance again. I know someone who did the same...someone I once worked with. He fell in love...they fell apart...he convinecd himself that she would be the last. He held his heart for her forever....he was a happy man....alone...and then one day his 'love' died. Don't know why mentioned that. He held her in his heart for ten or so years.
Vivid_29 Posted December 19, 2003 Posted December 19, 2003 Dude - That's like my Burmese grandmother. She had a heart of stone. Her hubby was killed, when she was 25 and never loved again! Never even tried. Holy s**t, that takes some friggin strength. No nookie, no affection, nothing, for the rest of her life! She always felt that she would be with him again, in the afterlife. I'm sure she is with him now and happier than ever! Anyway, don't put all your eggs in one basket. I'm sure you'll learn to love again. ~V
Arabess Posted December 19, 2003 Posted December 19, 2003 Originally posted by dario Do I just lie to my ex-girlfriend when she asks if I'm okay? (When I'm not) I mean....she asked me in an sms how was I and I just said 'I'm okay....but, yeah, I do miss you.' Should I tell her about the pain I'm going through? I think it may depend on the circumstances. NORMALLY after a break up....you don't want them to see or hear about the bucket of tears you dump out the door each morning. But there are times when this rule can be broken. Like...if BOTH of you are throwing out buckets due to stubborness in admitting....you can't live without each other. It's a fine line. And it's always your personal call.
Vivid_29 Posted December 19, 2003 Posted December 19, 2003 Originally posted by Arabess Like...if BOTH of you are throwing out buckets due to stubborness in admitting....you can't live without each other. Never thought of it in that context, but that was good, Arabess. You go girl! ~V
Author dario Posted December 19, 2003 Author Posted December 19, 2003 She needs to get over her problems. I don't want to infringe on her during this time...her talent is extraordinary. I don't want to interfere with this process of chasing what she needs to chase. It's strange...everytime I lie to her telling her I'm okay...she says, 'but I care for you...why don't I want to know how you feel...' and when I tell her some stuff she thinks (or said) once that it sounded like emotional blackmail. So, I've backed out on being honest. I guess I will continue to say I'm okay. She says that it's a wealth of emotions for her...thsi whole thing. She says it's hard. I just answered truthfuly...I don't know really what I'm saying.
Author dario Posted December 19, 2003 Author Posted December 19, 2003 I better leave her be to take care of her issues and get on with her music and dreams. I don't want to interfere and add pain to this process for her. She called it quits because she said she was thinking too much about me when with me....and she felt like she was neglecting her health/sanity. Now my own sanity is at stake...but that's my problem and she doesn't need to know about that. Yes, I'd like to see her. But maybe I should tell her....'Hey, call me when you believe it's the right time.'
Vivid_29 Posted December 19, 2003 Posted December 19, 2003 She is the one who broke your heart. Don't tell her anything and I sure hope that you aren't planning on putting your life on hold for her! ~V
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