Author Hazyhead Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 Thank you jj, and everybody else for your responses. I'm sure I'll be back soon, cursing or crying or something equally destructive. But I am determined. God, I'm going to miss him.
jwi71 Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Firstly, I cant take the hurt anymore. You hurt when he's there and when he isn't. Why? Ask yourself this. Look deep. And everytime you think you have an answer...ask again "why?". Write your answers down in a journal. Review them. Write stream of consciousness...just write whatever pops in your head. Secondly, he has agreed with me - that we need to go NC. He has just emailed me actually telling me he loves me and is so sorry, wishes things were different, etc. but needs to try for his son.This is exactly what I posted above. He will break NC. And, to be honest, you ARE a factor in their M. You ARE contributing to its failure because its hard for him to cheat without a WILLING partner. And this ties in to my point above...ask yourself "why?" Good starter questions for you: Why am I here? Why do I love him? (seriously, list out the ACTIONS that show it...yours and his) Why do I stay? Why don't I go? and so on....always asking why. I have to give him the chance to do that, right?No. You owe him NOTHING. You owe it to YOU. I don't want to pull him away from it anymore. In the deep recesses of my heart - I love him so much. Thank you Jw.You need NC to heal YOU. Pain is the body's way of informing you that something is wrong...that it needs immediate attention. Same for your heart...something is wrong and looking the other way does NOTHING. So it hurts worse. Tend the wound. Do not let it fester. But here's the kicker...you aren't sure WHAT the injury is to tend to it. Time to find it. And that's why you turn off your email, your crackberry, your PC and your phone and you ask "why". That's how you find it. Sometimes people need help. I did. In fact, I have an IC meeting tomorrow to deal with trust issues in my new budding R with my new gf(?). You can do it because I can do it.
Author Hazyhead Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 Ah, now you've got me curious... I think the nosy bugger in me will be delving into your posts, if you have any ;-) Seriously though, I am just starting IC, so hopefully the journey of looking at all those whys, too. I really do want to heal over this and figure all this stuff out. A journal is a good idea, and may also be another diversion from writing to him. I'll give that a bash. I love this man, even though I hurt over him. I'm doing the NC for myself because I can't bear the hurt anymore, but I can't help that I'm also doing it for him, because I genuinely want him to be happy.
sugarmomma Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Trust me, you'll get over him. Especially after you find a wonderful, single, available man. Then you can come back and tell us all about him. ((HUGS))
Author Hazyhead Posted December 15, 2009 Author Posted December 15, 2009 I was going to do it yesterday, but I put it off; I suppose I didn't like facing the end. Anyway, I've just sent my last email. Thank you all for your advice, I'm new here, and it's already really helped me. Jw - I used some of your words - thanks for the inspiration. I feel... sad.
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