Pinups4 Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 This - like any 17 year relationship - is complicated....and I'm confused. Any ideas are appreciated. My wife and I have been together since we were 21. No kids, though now we're expecting. Yea, great timing! We've had cyclical arguments for years - times that were so bad we should have split, really the same unresolved fight over and over. Stayed together out of love, inertia, etc... Recently, she kicked me out because I came home too late while WORKING. Yes, it was 5am, then 3am 2 nights later...but she knows it was all work. I've done this about six times in our 17 years. To me, our trust was gone and eroded way before this, or 2 nights out wouldn't have broken us. I have an unusual business (photographer and producer of Pinups4.com) that puts me with alot of beautiful women all the time. She always supported this - to be honest I wouldn't have stayed with a woman who didn't - but there was apparently the undercurrent of "trying to be OK with it" rather than honestly BEING ok. I have never touched - let alone slept with - any of my models or coworkers. SHe knows this. But I was accused vehemently of it, alternating with "of course I know you didn't but" BUT! Why am I doing the time for a crime I didn't commit? How do I go back to someone (she now wants me home) who clearly can't trust me and who I never know when I'll be verbally attacked for no reason?!!? She also accused me of other things - like not actually contributing to the formation of a major nonprofit I volunteered 5 years to founding. Asking for apologies and getting forgiveness both ways is fine...but moving past it and considering reconciliation is another. One of her co-workers (she said later it was joking) threatened to beat me up. When we parted for Thanksgiving, she told me to watch my back. I asked her to call him off, and she said "nope, he's your problem". I went out that night and several after that worried. Her work is involved with the nightclubs in the area (that my new project requires I go to alot), so I asked her to stop him in order to avoid an altercation that would affect her company and their clients - she again refused. Now I'm the crazy one for not knowing he was joking!!?! To tell the truth, I wasn't happy - but because of our relationship and our child, I was willing to stay and try to see it through. I wrote about 5 pages of "gripes and issues" - small to big things - trying to get us on the same page. She told the counsellor it was "hurtful" that I wrote my feelings. I'm lost. I hate that my pregnant wife is at home alone...but I don't feel that we have any trust left- it's all rusted. We're trying counseling...very hard after a rather rough counselling session we went out to dinner. That was alternating emotional and angry. WHen we were done I was so upset I texted "f*&ing C B (nickname for wife)" to a close friend. I never wanted to see her again. Truly, if it wasn't for the child I think I'd be gone. The next night, i went over to do tree lighting and decorations so her house (formerly our house) would look festive. That was fun, but even during that I thought "WTF am I doing with her" So I'm on the roller coaster...not sure what I should do. DO I move back? Do we try dating for a while? My closest friends tell me it's over - that it's been over for years. My mom says she didn't think we'd make it this long...but for sake of child, etc. ... I'm torn. Looking at other women (but then I always have...professionally) and missing what we had...or what I thought we had..
carhill Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 How does your W feel about your charity work? BTW, congrats on having your first child and welcome to LS Personally, considering all factors, if I were in your shoes, I'd tough out the pregnancy and continue counseling. You and she are 38. IME, there's some real introspection which takes place over the next decade or so. Maybe you'll make it as a couple and maybe you won't. Do it, whatever it is, with clarity
HOTGIMMICK Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 here is the deal. being a good husband and a good father are two seperate issues. there is no relationship left to savage. but being a good father, you have a good chance there and it doesn't require a husband for you to be a good father. offering her a divorce is an option she may take with you offering fatherhood for the child. remember some women think fatherhood is expendable. but remind her definately in the near future your child will ask for you and the kid will be told that their mother rejected to accept you as the father and refer proof to all the other family members in the know.
jerbear Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 I'm going to bring the hormones issue up. Many pregnant women feel unappreciated due to weight gain and having hormones raging. I'm leaning toward the hormones causing a MAJOR behavioral change in your wife. She feels unappreciated, unloved, competing with younger prettier "models." The causes could be an combination of hormonal, pregnancy,"younger models" running around, and feeling of competition for your affection and time. I do not think the relationship is salvageable but I could be wrong.
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