The hazards of women approaching men

[Kamille]

On men who theyre physically attracted to

 

Yeah but a guy's 'aura' is part of what makes him attractive or not. So, it isn't so much about pure physical appearance as to how you present and cary yourself.

 

The same is true of women, and I should know for I've worked really hard on myself. I know how to turn the charm on so that men will approach me. I can't describe it other than to say it's showing that I'm comfortable with who I am, am having a good time and am also approachable.

 

I suggest you observe the guys and gals around you and figure out what makes some of them seem more approachable than others. You'll notice it isn't all about looks.

[threebyfate]

That's because PJKino is judging women, when his reference point is how men judge women. It's true that if women aren't attracted, nothing will help. But it's also true that women don't solely judge by looks, like many men do.

 

If there's a good-looking man who's in perfectly cut shape but his shoulders are slumped and he walks in a timid way, we're not going to be attracted.

[New Again]

Yeah but a guy's 'aura' is part of what makes him attractive or not. So, it isn't so much about pure physical appearance as to how you present and cary yourself.

 

The same is true of women, and I should know for I've worked really hard on myself. I know how to turn the charm on so that men will approach me. I can't describe it other than to say it's showing that I'm comfortable with who I am, am having a good time and am also approachable.

 

I suggest you observe the guys and gals around you and figure out what makes some of them seem more approachable than others. You'll notice it isn't all about looks.

I completely agree with this. I can be shy, and definitely was very shy in the past. I realized many things, one of which is that a lot of people think shy girls (and especially if they're pretty) are complete snobs. Makes it hard to meet men OR women, for dating OR friendship.

 

So I did the same thing: worked on myself. Sometimes I still feel shy, but generally I don't come across that way. It took my current b/f months to realize that I can be shy in some situations.

[harmfulsweetz]

It's hard both ways. I've sat countless times with my male friends trying to encourage and persuade them to approach a girl, nerves, and fear of rejection affect both sexes. It's not gender-limited. It's just women expect men to do the chasing, which I like. I like a man who hunts me, who has the confidence to talk to me, and all of that, yet, I wouldn't say I would never do the approaching if the guy was shy. I think a lot of men enjoy doing the hunting, it makes them feel more of the predator, the man, etc, but still like a woman to give them the 'come on'. i.e. the look, which will no doubt signify interest, with the cheeky smile, or the shy smile, give them something to work with! You can't expect a man to approach you if they've no clue if you are interested or not. Just like, I wouldn't approach a guy who turned away from me, never once looked in my direction and didn't seem to realize I existed.

 

It's hard for both genders, rejection sucks, but then, it's part and parcel. I would just put it as 'not interested, next!' Don't get involved before you have to.

[Stockalone]

I'm going to let you in on a little secret, k? Women are attracted to confidence.

 

Yeah but a guy's 'aura' is part of what makes him attractive or not. So, it isn't so much about pure physical appearance as to how you present and cary yourself.

 

That's because PJKino is judging women, when his reference point is how men judge women. It's true that if women aren't attracted, nothing will help. But it's also true that women don't solely judge by looks, like many men do.

 

Are these the kind of the things a man will either understand immediately or never?

[jerbear]

Are these the kind of the things a man will either understand immediately or never?

 

I think guys will figure it out eventually.

 

I figured out the "aura" part the presence. There are times I walk in and I get stares and times when I walk into a room and nada!

 

Regarding the interests, well it took me awhile to figure it out, persistence may pay in a career or business venture but it won't work in a romantic relationship.

 

Confidence, if you do a SWOT analysis on yourself, take some lessons, self analysis, and even hang out with friends/new friends, and otherwise those you don't interact on a daily basis; you've learn and gain confidence. You know how to act and react. Getting challenged in a business environment you learn to be quick on your feet, make quick decisions, and after awhile. You know you can do it.

[Kamille]

Are these the kind of the things a man will either understand immediately or never?

 

All it requires is that you give it a try. I didn't have an haha! moment that led me to change my own ways (as a woman). It was rather just trying little things, like chatting up guys at a video store. Going out to have a good time and not to pick up (which ensured that I always had a good time and occasionally met cute guys).

[threebyfate]

Are these the kind of the things a man will either understand immediately or never?

Attraction is a funny kind of beast, unexplainable to any gender and quite individualized. Someone can flatten you in the first glance and others slowly creep up on you.

 

I don't think anyone can create a universal appeal to all women or men, or even most women or men, no matter what those silly PUA sites or Cosmo tells you. DNA compatibility, pheromones and foundational nurturing, play HUGE roles in this.

[thegreatmoose]

I've always had this theory that a man rejecting a woman's approach is much more devastating.

 

This is pretty much why I have given up on ever boldly making a first approach. Unless he is taken, if a man rejects you immediately it means he doesn't find you remotely attractive. Whereas women tend to make rejections based on a wider variety of reasons.

 

Any other women been have bad experience with approaching men? Whatcha think?

 

And guys: Why would you reject a woman who approached you? Looks only or are there other factors?

I don't find this true.

 

Rejects are about as difficult on eitehr side. They can be not bad to very painful. There are many reasons other than looks as to why I'd reject a woman. For example, if she can't hold an intelligent conversation, she gets rejected.

[gypsy_nicky]

I don't think anyone can create a universal appeal to all women or men, or even most women or men, no matter what those silly PUA sites or Cosmo tells you. DNA compatibility, pheromones and foundational nurturing, play HUGE roles in this.

 

universal appeal is something the 1-10th percentile have=physical beauty.

[Stockalone]

I think guys will figure it out eventually.

 

I figured out the "aura" part the presence. There are times I walk in and I get stares and times when I walk into a room and nada!

 

Under normal circumstances, I don't pay attention to my surroundings. I wouldn't notice it, even if the whole room stared at me.

 

In high school and college, I had a reputation for passing friends on the stairs or in the halls without noticing them. They literally had to yell at me or wave their hand right in front of my face for me to notice them.

 

 

Confidence, if you do a SWOT analysis on yourself, take some lessons, self analysis, and even hang out with friends/new friends, and otherwise those you don't interact on a daily basis; you've learn and gain confidence. You know how to act and react. Getting challenged in a business environment you learn to be quick on your feet, make quick decisions, and after awhile. You know you can do it.

 

I agree. However, my private life doesn't work like other areas of my life.

 

Maybe that is because the results were different, or because I behave differently in my private life.

 

My life and aspects of my personality are compartmentalized, there are clearly defined roles. Depending on what role it is that someone gets to know first, the other roles would probably seem "off" to that person as they are unmistakably different.

 

 

All it requires is that you give it a try. I didn't have an haha! moment that led me to change my own ways (as a woman). It was rather just trying little things, like chatting up guys at a video store. Going out to have a good time and not to pick up (which ensured that I always had a good time and occasionally met cute guys).

 

You mean trying new things, getting out of my comfort zone?

 

I did that once. It was a rather shocking experience, certainly not something I would embrace as a permanent change even though it did work.

 

 

Attraction is a funny kind of beast, unexplainable to any gender and quite individualized. Someone can flatten you in the first glance and others slowly creep up on you.

 

Unexplainable is pretty spot on. Often, I couldn't even give a specific reason why it's Yay or Nay.

 

I also understand that attraction is a very individual thing. I have seen people fall head over heels in love with someone where I just thought .

 

And I dated women I was highly attracted to, and other guys thought that those women weren't attractive and that I could do a lot better.

 

 

I don't think anyone can create a universal appeal to all women or men, or even most women or men, no matter what those silly PUA sites or Cosmo tells you. DNA compatibility, pheromones and foundational nurturing, play HUGE roles in this.

 

I am not worried about universal attractiveness. It doesn't exist and that is a good thing. I wouldn't even want it if I could have it. I would hate the limelight.

 

But I am very worried about my target group. They think what I am offering is an excellent product, but it's also something they have little use for.

[alphamale]

And guys: Why would you reject a woman who approached you?

i don't like pushy aggressive women...usually its the ugly and fat ones who are pushy and aggressive

[squeaky]

usually when i approach guys at bars it's because i'm bored or drunk. i don't do hook-ups or one night stands, so i'm never looking for sex. if i think someone is cute, i'll approach him and say something funny or playful. if he's lame i'll walk away but if he seems cool i'll give him my number. this strategy almost always works in my favor, but i don't really recommend looking for dates in bars.