stillafool Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Well two days after Christmas (the date I ended with him) I did told him about not feeling the same, that I wasn't in love anymore. However, for some reason I couldn't erase him completely so I'm now his friend, which he agreed to it. Though that day he sounded hurt and this was when I felt guilty for all the smack talking about him online (even on this forum but at least not in real life person) as well as pretending to love him. The reason I faked for so long till I could no longer take it was mainly to spare his feelings but that's no use. I did made it clear that there will be no ''getting back together'' thing. Anyways I still have his cell # which he stated it'll be the same. I guess nothing wrong with keeping him as a friend... This is being utterly selfish on your part. You are only thinking about what is good for you.
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Yup sounds very similar to my situation indeed. Tells me time at home will help her and then I find out through myspace from her statuses she is staying at her "best friend's" house. Im not assuming she did anything with him because she doesn't do stuff with anyone she is not with..but it sucks to be on the other end reading that kind of stuff. Seems like she doesn't know what she wants but she just wants me to hang around as she said she wants me to not complain about waiting and just go with the flow of things..well its hard to when you have been hurt. Such a lame excuse too..to the point now when she comes back I'm about to let her know that I can no longer be a friend either since I haven't been dealing with the situation as well as she has. All of this would have been avoided if she would of just told me the real reason but I know she doesn't like hurting people so I suppose this route makes her feel less guilty..at least for now until I completely ignore her when she's back. You can keep him as a friend as long as you still do very low contact since you have already told him the real reasons supposedly. If he is taking it well then I suppose he might have realized he did something you didn't like and he must not care that much. As long you guys don't bring up anything to argue about, it looks like it will be alright. Go 100% NC on this girl and don't even inform her what's going on. You don't owe her a thing, not even an explanation. It's actually pretty satisfying when they start blowing up your phone and you just ignore it over and over.
Author samsungxoxo Posted December 31, 2009 Author Posted December 31, 2009 This is being utterly selfish on your part. You are only thinking about what is good for you. Why is being friends with an ex selfish? He does want me to call him when I get back from the US, he's not against being just friends with him.
adamt Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 you can't be friends with your ex, especially when emotions are raw. even when healed why do you want to be friends with an ex. he will be remaining friends with you because he hopes you can fall back inlove with you. then when you meet someone else and drop contact he wil be hurt all over again and hate you even more. you are only being friends with him to ease your guilt of dumping and hurting him. that i natural. but you haver to think what is best long term for both of you. my ex was pretty straight when she dumped me, but she did give me a little bit of false hope too. but then i decided I woulld go NC to see how things settle down and if she missed me. in 7 months only seen and spoke to her once when we bumped into ech other. you have to let him be. any contact will be torturing and confusing him
Phateless Posted December 31, 2009 Posted December 31, 2009 Why is being friends with an ex selfish? He does want me to call him when I get back from the US, he's not against being just friends with him. Because he thinks he can get you back. If you care about him as a person you'll go NC so he can get over you. you can't be friends with your ex, especially when emotions are raw. even when healed why do you want to be friends with an ex. he will be remaining friends with you because he hopes you can fall back inlove with you. then when you meet someone else and drop contact he wil be hurt all over again and hate you even more. you are only being friends with him to ease your guilt of dumping and hurting him. that i natural. but you haver to think what is best long term for both of you. my ex was pretty straight when she dumped me, but she did give me a little bit of false hope too. but then i decided I woulld go NC to see how things settle down and if she missed me. in 7 months only seen and spoke to her once when we bumped into ech other. you have to let him be. any contact will be torturing and confusing him Yep, this is dead-on.
HLP234 Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Go 100% NC on this girl and don't even inform her what's going on. You don't owe her a thing, not even an explanation. It's actually pretty satisfying when they start blowing up your phone and you just ignore it over and over. I plan on doing that..neither of us had said anything to each other at all. Today while I was at work I logged on to facebook and saw that she posted something to her friend saying she is coming back here and that her phone was still disconnected. Of course I guess she never planned on telling me when she is coming back. She kept logging in and out of the chat thing and staying on there, probably wondering if I would say anything to her..but I ignored it completely. Then she changed her status to spending new years with her guy friend. That hurt but oh well I'm not going to bother. Her relationship status still says Complicated on there and all my friends are telling me to change mine to single that way she may say something and I can tell her I'm done and want nothing to do with her anymore. I don't see the point in doing this yet because I bet when she is back here, I'm the only person she knows here so she will say something and then I can feel better by telling her that I'm done for good. I bet she plans on coming back and just not saying anything at all..just leaving it hang like she has been. To be honest I would be more hurt if she told me its done rather than be saying it to her..but I'm not feeling like breaking the NC rule since no one's been saying anything at all so far.
ginyi1111 Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Be honest and respect him. Just because you have the power to dump him doesnt mean you have the power to disregard the pain that he will endure. Honestly I wish my ex at least has the decency to do so to me, instead of leaving me wondering in the dark..
HLP234 Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 Yep I would rather have had its over because so and so, rather than I need a break to figure out what I want. Only reason I agreed was because I knew her for so long and we were such good friends and I've known her dating history and knew she's been hurt before. So now its just pulling us further apart than anything and I feel left in the dark as well..its the worst thing to deal with too. Be strong and focus on yourself only now, you don't owe them anything since it was their choice to do this.
Phateless Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I plan on doing that..neither of us had said anything to each other at all. Today while I was at work I logged on to facebook and saw that she posted something to her friend saying she is coming back here and that her phone was still disconnected. Of course I guess she never planned on telling me when she is coming back. She kept logging in and out of the chat thing and staying on there, probably wondering if I would say anything to her..but I ignored it completely. Then she changed her status to spending new years with her guy friend. That hurt but oh well I'm not going to bother. Her relationship status still says Complicated on there and all my friends are telling me to change mine to single that way she may say something and I can tell her I'm done and want nothing to do with her anymore. I don't see the point in doing this yet because I bet when she is back here, I'm the only person she knows here so she will say something and then I can feel better by telling her that I'm done for good. I bet she plans on coming back and just not saying anything at all..just leaving it hang like she has been. To be honest I would be more hurt if she told me its done rather than be saying it to her..but I'm not feeling like breaking the NC rule since no one's been saying anything at all so far. For now just hide your relationship status so that you can tell other girls you're single. Don't turn down any opportunities for this one that's stringing you along. Yep I would rather have had its over because so and so, rather than I need a break to figure out what I want. Only reason I agreed was because I knew her for so long and we were such good friends and I've known her dating history and knew she's been hurt before. So now its just pulling us further apart than anything and I feel left in the dark as well..its the worst thing to deal with too. Be strong and focus on yourself only now, you don't owe them anything since it was their choice to do this. I feel you bro. You really should start your own thread, since we're totally hijacking the original post at this point.
HLP234 Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 I've had my own thread but it was a while ago before the break thing started getting really complicated. So from then on I found similar threads with the same situation or so. My original thread is here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t210688/ But that is only up to the point before she went home for vacation. The rest is scattered in other threads, one similar named girlfriend needs space and time on another page here. Sorry if your thread was hijacked..don't want to do that but I do like different opinions as much as possible. I'm not sure you can hide your relationship status, she will notice because I'm sure she's been on my profile. All I can do is hide her from seeing my profile but that also lets them know because she'll see that she won't be able to view the whole profile like before.
Phateless Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I've had my own thread but it was a while ago before the break thing started getting really complicated. So from then on I found similar threads with the same situation or so. My original thread is here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t210688/ But that is only up to the point before she went home for vacation. The rest is scattered in other threads, one similar named girlfriend needs space and time on another page here. Sorry if your thread was hijacked..don't want to do that but I do like different opinions as much as possible. I'm not sure you can hide your relationship status, she will notice because I'm sure she's been on my profile. All I can do is hide her from seeing my profile but that also lets them know because she'll see that she won't be able to view the whole profile like before. Start a new thread with bullet points for what the CURRENT situation is. It's rude to hijack others' threads. Plus, it's confusing. Start your own thread and we'll help you.
bananaboat11 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Just give it to him straight. My own ex is engaged to a girl he CONSTANTLY bad mouths every chance he gets. Yet, he still has an engagement ring on his finger. He met his fiancee' this past summer and has been long distance ever since. She texts and calls him at least 40-50x a day (no joking) and is the one who proposed although he told her it was moving too fast. I ALMOST feel sorry for his new fiancee'! My ex is not being true to her. At work he grumbles and everyone comments how sad he looks when she calls. He is henpecked and nagged from over 1000 miles away plus she demands he call him back within 5 minutes OR ELSE. THIS is who he dumped me for. And it appears he is going to go through a marriage he doesn't really want because he is not being straight forward with her. Do it. Tell him how you feel and leave no stone unturned. Talk about blinded by infatuation from the need for a rebound after you and whoever else (saw some of your other posts, but I can't come to any conclusive answer)... To the OP - if you still have some sort of open feelings and not any residual feelings of resentment towards his behavior, just tell him you don't think things are working out between you both and long distance is making things more impeccably difficult for you. If you want a period of no contact, then just ask him for some space to yourself and you'll contact him soon... that's what I would do to minimize the pain/agony/hurt between you both... breaking up can make or break any person, dumpee or dumper.
HLP234 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Even if you ask for space and no contact, please make sure to let him know when ever you feel ready to make a decision. I would not suggest asking for space and then never saying anything. Long distance relationships are hard, thats how mine started too and it was tough. I would just be honest about everything and let them know what ever you are feeling, that way you don't have any regrets and you have truly spoken what you feel.
bananaboat11 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 She played me like a violin. She said, much like your situation, that she needed time and space and maybe in 6 months time "...but it might be less" - that last bit gave me so much hope, especially when she followed it up with, "...and then you can move all your stuff back home...". The truth is, that in this time, she contacted an ex (that I'm still convinced she slept with halfway through our relationship) on Facebook, along with another ex she dated for less than 6 months 15 years ago who she appears to have pined over - he's now married with a kid. It took her 4 months to say "No" and this was straight after coming back from her 2 week holiday staying with one of the ex's in America, although I had to call her to find out. Played, my friend, played. That's why the OP needs to consider her ex's feelings regardless of how bad her situation was. Keeping an ex for some kind of security blanket, is very cold. I feel your pain... I was her 'comfort'... someone to make her feel while she was alone... and she never told me. Rather, it was 'I love you...' until the very end when she told me she only used me so she wasn't alone... now she's back with her ex and happy supposedly... and I am forgotten and hurt... and lost..
HLP234 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 The worst part of that is, when you confront them of this, they blow up on you and say that is not at all what they are doing. I dunno about them but I could never just sit there and be ok with having someone around but not caring about their feelings, only just using them to make myself feel better..that just means no class what so ever. And its not even about class, its morals as well, but to understand that, one must understand themselves and be happy with who they are before being happy with someone else.
Author samsungxoxo Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 To the OP - if you still have some sort of open feelings and not any residual feelings of resentment towards his behavior, just tell him you don't think things are working out between you both and long distance is making things more impeccably difficult for you. If you want a period of no contact, then just ask him for some space to yourself and you'll contact him soon... Actually he already has come to terms with it and will be moving on with his life. This goes the same for me. We have however, chose to remain friends and be in contact sometimes. I did told him the reason for the break-up about not feeling the same anymore and I wanted out. He handled it well.
bananaboat11 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Actually he already has come to terms with it and will be moving on with his life. This goes the same for me. We have however, chose to remain friends and be in contact sometimes. I did told him the reason for the break-up about not feeling the same anymore and I wanted out. He handled it well. See.. I wish my ex would give me at least THAT.
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