Boundary Problem Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Do you notice how men fight with direct verbal communication, and women prefer to come up underneath or around a problem? Do men and women have completely different styles of fighting?
Awesome Username Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 (edited) Oh absolutely. Men are more direct about verbalizing their anger or showing it in an outward fashion. They are more likely to exercise after being angry, and people KNOW when they're angry. Women are taught that to express their anger means that they're not being feminine. There is years of "Be a nice girl...don't cry, don't stomp," etc. Girls are taught to look pretty, and getting mad and stomping around doesn't look pretty. When women yell and scream to get their anger out, they are seen as TOTALLY CRAZY while boys getting into fights, well, they're just being boys. Women have a very hard time expressing their anger, and I believe that that's the reason why so many of them are wigged out on prozac or needing a therapist or never being happy. One way of expressing your anger is being underhanded about it. You will see that a lot of older, high class women or southern woman have a particular way of handling their anger by being nice and saying sh*tty stuff at the same time. This is because they are ESPECIALLY taught to hold their tongue. Other women internalize their anger by cutting, taking valium, jumping from man to man and hurting them to get back at the world or something else self-destructive. If anyone ever wonders why a lot of women are nuts and don't communicate, this is a big factor. This is my own idea, but I think that when men were meant to fight throughout human history it was to either hunt, settle disputes, or over a woman. In either sense, they did it often and the intent was to never truly harm the person to the point of permanent injury. I've seen guys get into fistfights and a day later, they're laughing about it. When women have had to fight, it was when the man already lost the fight (or she has no man) and it gets to the point where the intruder is infringing upon the actual household, or her children. When women get to the point where they're throwing fists (it usually takes a LOT, like someone attacking her first), it's usually less trivial and they will beat the offender to an inch of their life if circumstances permit it. I have never seen women get into a fistfight and laugh about it the next day. A lot of women secretly know this, and so they do all they can not to get to that point of seeing red. They would rather be discreet about it. There is a huge difference. Edited December 13, 2009 by Awesome Username
norajane Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 I agree with AU, except when men are "fighting" with women. Then it's more likely that women will be direct about their concerns while the men clam up and withdraw. I think when a woman tells her man that she's upset with him about something, he feels like she thinks he's failed and men hate to fail. Men want to be admired by their women, not taken down. Not always, of course. Some couples are good at communicating without the adversarial aspect. Humor goes a long way to prevent arguments and hurt feelings, as well as to get to a place where the couple can talk about issues and resolve them.
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