Seeing Your Ex With A "Very" Attractive Person Vs Not So Attractive

[meerkat stew]

It only annoys me, and has on at least two occasions, when a woman leaves me for an old, retired, ugly guy fairly obviously for money alone. I make good money, and the times it has happened, I was left for multi millionaires. This makes me feel stupid for wasting precious time and not realizing I was with a gold-digger before it was too late.

 

If the guy was good looking or really funny or just had a kind personality, it would make me feel better actually, but such was not the case. Both the guys were arrogant, very old, out of shape, blowhard types with the personality of a lawn chair used to buying trophy women. They just had yachts and houses out the wazoo.

 

That feeling is only annoyance though. What gets me white hot angry is when certain women who weren't familiar with the situation come blindly to the defense of their gold digging sisters and insinuate that I wasn't providing their needs somehow, placing the fault on me that there was something wrong with the relationship. There was nothing wrong with either relationship, the geezer just came in and bought her, simple as that. OR, they say that my selection process is flawed, when men don't really select, we take the women who accept us or stay alone.

 

It's very hard to spot a gold-digger sometimes, or to tell when you are a placeholder while they hunt bigger game, because they are expert at saying and doing all the right things while using you as a springboard for the next hop. Speaking from experience, and I think many men feel the same, this is much worse than seeing your ex with a good looking, cool guy with good qualities.

[silic0ntoad]

No, I get totally insulted when an ex trades down. It makes me wonder if his taste isn't as discriminate as it should be, especially when it comes to intelligence, morals, values, etc.

 

 

This. I agree with this 100%. My most recent Ex, when we broke up, was seen a week later at the mall with a short, chubby, preppy kid.

 

Are you kidding me? Short, and Chubby? My buddy who saw her said she looked embarassed and terrified when she saw him and he said hi to her. At the same time I was laughing, I was raging mad. Trade me for some overweight short loser? WTF?

 

I didn't see her with him. I haven't seen her since she left. But part of me is bugged by this. Not so much anymore, I figure, if she wants to deal with that, let her. I'll find someone who puts her to shame in every aspect, so it's all good.

[sunshine94]

I make good money, and the times it has happened, I was left for multi millionaires. This makes me feel stupid for wasting precious time and not realizing I was with a gold-digger before it was too late.

 

 

I had a very good relationship with my ex, we were even talking marriage.

He met a muliti-millionaires who was married at the time and left me for her.

At first he told me that he loves me but he is only setting himself up to get a business out of her and once he got that he would dump her.

He wanted me to wait around and accept that he was screwing her, while he got money and expensive gifts from her.

I refused and he left me.

He told me that I was stupid because whatever he got from her would have benefitted the both of us.

I do not believe in using people and fooling people, I would rather stay poor.

Maybe I am stupid, but I can sleep peacefully at night knowing that I was not trying to trick someone into giving me money all in the name of love.

What do you think about this? What would you have done in my situation?

He did end up getting a business, house, a car and other very expensive gifts from her.

She left her husband for him and after he got all that he wanted he dumped her.

[deux ex machina]

I don't care that much. I'm as curious as the next person, but it's their lives, not mine. So it's interesting to see, but that's about it.

 

I'd hate to have someone put the measuring stick to me - especially as I know they're not particularly qualified - so I try not to do it in return (even though it's probably human nature to).

 

I may have a certain set of qualities I feel drawn to at a certain time for whatever reasons.

 

He will, too

 

Neither one is inherently right or wrong. Although some of it surely is a mystery (haha)!

 

Whatever works. What an ex does is no reflection on me. At all.

 

You know your ex might be thinking the same things about whoever you're with, right?

[silic0ntoad]

You know your ex might be thinking the same things about whoever you're with, right?

 

Quite.

 

But a short chubby guy? Come on. I am in the 45% of Americans not overweight. I worked really hard to get where I am physically (stopped eating junk, started working out, lost 40 lbs... This was a few years ago) so really, it feels like a slap in the face to me. Not so much now, but I remember how furious I was when he told me about it. I was like a caged animal. It took all my will to not drive up there and say something, or call her and say something. But I remained silent. As silent as the grave. And will do so until the day I perish. Oh, and I am not with anyone... So her opinion is kaput.

[deux ex machina]

Quite.

 

But a short chubby guy? Come on. I am in the 45% of Americans not overweight. I worked really hard to get where I am physically (stopped eating junk, started working out, lost 40 lbs... This was a few years ago) so really, it feels like a slap in the face to me. Not so much now, but I remember how furious I was when he told me about it. I was like a caged animal. It took all my will to not drive up there and say something, or call her and say something. But I remained silent. As silent as the grave. And will do so until the day I perish. Oh, and I am not with anyone... So her opinion is kaput.

 

At first it is a shock when they are with someone who is so different. It does make you wonder for a time. For me, it's not that I don't care at all - I just don't care that much.

 

I am glad you aren't letting it get under your skin anymore.

[silic0ntoad]

At first it is a shock when they are with someone who is so different. It does make you wonder for a time. For me, it's not that I don't care at all - I just don't care that much.

 

I am glad you aren't letting it get under your skin anymore.

 

 

Oh, no, now, not at all. I guess I still get anxious about it when my boys and I go out- only because I don't really care to see her. If I did I am sure nothing would happen from my end, but my ex is a malicious, manipulative b*tch when it comes to guys, and I don't know this guy nor care to, but if he's a loose cannon and gets all uppity about me being wherever they are, I wouldn't want a confrontation. Beyond that, I don't care anymore. I've met amazing people since she split, and one prospect seems pretty promising right now. Time will tell.

 

Although, like I said, I think for myself it's more of a "I worked my ass off to look this good, not for you, for me, but you leave and get with someone overweight? Are you serious?" kind of feeling.

[phineas]

I can care less.

My STBXW spent most of my marriage screwing a pretty boy.

A pretty boy who at 32/33 still lives with mommy & daddy.

He also makes considerally less money than I with considerably more college.

 

He spend lots of money on her because mommy & daddy pay his room & board & utilities.

 

reguardless of how good looking he is, she traded down.

 

My only hope is she doesn't figure that out BEFORE the divorce is final & tries to stop it. LOL!

[meerkat stew]

I make good money, and the times it has happened, I was left for multi millionaires. This makes me feel stupid for wasting precious time and not realizing I was with a gold-digger before it was too late.

 

 

I had a very good relationship with my ex, we were even talking marriage.

He met a muliti-millionaires who was married at the time and left me for her.

At first he told me that he loves me but he is only setting himself up to get a business out of her and once he got that he would dump her.

He wanted me to wait around and accept that he was screwing her, while he got money and expensive gifts from her.

I refused and he left me.

He told me that I was stupid because whatever he got from her would have benefitted the both of us.

I do not believe in using people and fooling people, I would rather stay poor.

Maybe I am stupid, but I can sleep peacefully at night knowing that I was not trying to trick someone into giving me money all in the name of love.

What do you think about this? What would you have done in my situation?

He did end up getting a business, house, a car and other very expensive gifts from her.

She left her husband for him and after he got all that he wanted he dumped her.

 

Wow, indicates that going forward in our culture, we will begin to see more and more male gold-diggers.

 

After your ex did this, you couldn't possibly think of him as long term potential any more. People who are capable of this kind of thing are human vermin.

[threebyfate]

This. I agree with this 100%. My most recent Ex, when we broke up, was seen a week later at the mall with a short, chubby, preppy kid.

 

Are you kidding me? Short, and Chubby? My buddy who saw her said she looked embarassed and terrified when she saw him and he said hi to her. At the same time I was laughing, I was raging mad. Trade me for some overweight short loser? WTF?

 

I didn't see her with him. I haven't seen her since she left. But part of me is bugged by this. Not so much anymore, I figure, if she wants to deal with that, let her. I'll find someone who puts her to shame in every aspect, so it's all good.

My issues are slightly different, in that the physical matters the least.

 

For example, I watched one ex go after a number of women. The prevalent themes were that they were reasonably attractive, relatively smart but most were lacking in ethics and morals, irrational and most created the drama in their lives, taking no responsibility for making piss poor choices.

 

That to me, was insulting. It made me realize that all he wanted in women was that they be attractive and smart enough to be entertaining to him.

[sunshine94]

 

 

After your ex did this, you couldn't possibly think of him as long term potential any more. People who are capable of this kind of thing are human vermin.

 

I had stopped talking to him and about 8 months after leaving her he still tried to get back with me.

The nerve of some people.

I was seeing someone else at the time, but even if I was single I would not have wanted him back.

 

To me if he could use the woman just for money, he is a very big jerk, and will always use other women.

 

There are men gold diggers out there these days, it is not only women who look at how deep a man's pocket is.

[TooShyToSayHi]

I'm in a similar situation so I know what you mean. One of my best friends, who I'm in love with and who is not interested in me, is dating an absolutely GORGEOUS man. He's a great guy, too, but the first thing anyone says when they talk about him is how good looking he is.

 

If my friend was dating someone a bit more, erm, "plain" it wouldn't bother me NEARLY as much. I guess it just grabs hold of my self-esteem issues, making me do the whole "if I was thinner/better looking, etc, it would be ME he was with, not HIM."

[Yukikazi]

I'm in a similar situation so I know what you mean. One of my best friends, who I'm in love with and who is not interested in me, is dating an absolutely GORGEOUS man. He's a great guy, too, but the first thing anyone says when they talk about him is how good looking he is.

 

If my friend was dating someone a bit more, erm, "plain" it wouldn't bother me NEARLY as much. I guess it just grabs hold of my self-esteem issues, making me do the whole "if I was thinner/better looking, etc, it would be ME he was with, not HIM."

 

So your friend is dating a man...

 

But if you were thinner, better looking etc.. "it would be ME he was with, not HIM."

 

I can't tell if you are a guy or a girl anymore...

[sunshine94]

I can't tell if you are a guy or a girl anymore...

 

I was wondering the same thing. LOL