Eisenhower Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 It's been a little more than 2 months since I went no contact. Because we work at the same place, seeing her car and the constant awareness that there's a chance of running into her (hardly ever happens though) keeps her on my radar screen and in my mind. I never park next to her and I try to avoid anywhere she might be - I really don't want to see her but that very avoidance means I can never totally move on when I'm at work - I'm always on guard. Right after Thanksgiving I went to Mexico with some guys for a week of fishing and it was great - I really enjoyed getting her out of my head (for the most part) and just fishing and eating and enjoying my friends. But when we got back, it was like a second wave of anxiety, sadness and loneliness washed over me. I don't know if it's the holidays and imagining what she and her two kids are doing, or what, but I swear, two months have gone by and I still hurt so much I don't know what to do with myself. The first three nights back, I had dreams about her - painful dreams about her being with "the new guy." In so many ways I know she's not the girl for me, but God, when you go from having someone lavish love and affection on you to being all alone, it is such a painful existence. The thought that even though I proceed with my life and try to move on I can be swamped by these feelings at any random time really sucks. Realizing she's probably happy and enjoying life without me makes it even worse. I guess I still have a ways to go before I'm even close to being over her. I know these are feelings we all go through, I guess I just needed to vent. I hope everyone has a happy holiday. Eisenhower
GrayClouds Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 It's been a little more than 2 months since I went no contact. Because we work at the same place, seeing her car and the constant awareness that there's a chance of running into her (hardly ever happens though) keeps her on my radar screen and in my mind. I never park next to her and I try to avoid anywhere she might be - I really don't want to see her but that very avoidance means I can never totally move on when I'm at work - I'm always on guard. Right after Thanksgiving I went to Mexico with some guys for a week of fishing and it was great - I really enjoyed getting her out of my head (for the most part) and just fishing and eating and enjoying my friends. But when we got back, it was like a second wave of anxiety, sadness and loneliness washed over me. I don't know if it's the holidays and imagining what she and her two kids are doing, or what, but I swear, two months have gone by and I still hurt so much I don't know what to do with myself. The first three nights back, I had dreams about her - painful dreams about her being with "the new guy." In so many ways I know she's not the girl for me, but God, when you go from having someone lavish love and affection on you to being all alone, it is such a painful existence. The thought that even though I proceed with my life and try to move on I can be swamped by these feelings at any random time really sucks. Realizing she's probably happy and enjoying life without me makes it even worse. I guess I still have a ways to go before I'm even close to being over her. I know these are feelings we all go through, I guess I just needed to vent. I hope everyone has a happy holiday. Eisenhower Man it is still fresh but your doing th right things. You got away for a bit and let her go a bit so of course the brain needd some processing time when you get back, add the Christmas hell season to the whole late night burrito and your going to have dreams. Your getting there, it does not feel like it buy you are.
AliveAndKicking Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 It sounds to me like you're doing great for two months out. That trip to Mexico was surely a great relief but of course when you came back all the thoughts and feelings came rushing back too. I think that is to be expected. I agree with GC in that the holidays seem to magnify things. I was cuhsing along pretty decently but as Christmas draws near it's getting a little tougher. Christmas is always emotional for me so naturally, during trying times, well, it really seems to magnify things. All in ll, though I think you are doing well. Keep at it and know that these ups and downs are normal and in time they will certainly pass. I wish you a happy holiday as well!
Author Eisenhower Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 Wow - I can't believe it could get worse, but it did. Tonight, I saw a picture on a mutual friend's blog proving she's not only with a new guy, but he's another guy from work! She'd been seen out with him two months ago and when I asked her about it, she flat-out lied and said she wasn't seeing anyone. The fact that she was even out with a guy when she knew she had me on a string in limbo is what made me go no contact. So even though we weren't together when she started seeing him, now I know she's a lier and was purposefully deceiving me so I'd still be "friends" with her. Had she not been seen out with him, I would have stayed in the dark for who knows how long ... and I wonder if she ever would have told me. Well, seeing that picture told me all I need to know about her. I'd certainly never take her back in the future, but now I have the sickness in my stomach like I've been cheated on and lied to. It just keeps getting worse. 2009 has officially been the worst year of my life. Eisenhower
Kic Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 She had two kids? She's a pathetic rebounder at best, and a backstabbing cheat at worst? Don't even worry about it this one! You have a great chance at finding a much better lady - and look at it this way: 2009 is not even over, so you're still in the game for a recovery!
Brightmoon Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 I am so sorry you are going through this Eisen. I hope the latest info and the anger and betrayal you must feel helps you realise she was not good enough for you. But it still takes time, and moving forward in baby steps. (((hug)))
tVII Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 my friend, we are in the same boat. i too work with my ex. and from what i hear rumors: she is seeing one of my friends at work as well. could be a rumor. still the curiousity kills me. my friend, obviously these girls just aren't the ones for us. think positive. it helps. but it takes exercise. trust me we will be stronger people. im doing my best. you should too. i fall and trip and when i trip i trip hard. but i always never lose sight of this: i need to move on if somebody does that to me, she is not worth it. when was the last time she loved you? and how much has she showed love these 2 months? pm me if you want to talk vent trade advices about the co-worker from hell.
Author Eisenhower Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 (edited) Well, some may disagree with me, but I sent her an e-mail ... mainly because I simply couldn't stand her thinking she was fooling me. Text below: @@@, I'm writing to let you know that my life has suddenly become much easier. Moving on was difficult at first because I had all these feelings in my heart of frustration, pain and even sympathy for what you always claimed to be going through with relationship issues after divorce. I felt I'd lost my family. Now, at least I can replace all that with the truth of who you really are. I've been made aware of your relationship with @@@, how long it's been going on and how deliberately and deceitfully you lied to me about so many things ... from "not being ready for a relationship" to not knowing if we had a future, to weekend vacations to California and everything in between. Why you would lie past the point of being confronted boggles my mind, but I guess only the liar can answer that question. I'll never know if you kept making excuses and lying to me just to keep me on a string so I'd help you get through grad. school, or whether you're just too immature to give the person who gave so much of himself to you and your children the one thing I had a right to - the truth. Either way, it's pure poison. It's kind of ironic that I spent so much time fretting over your past, when in truth, it's the person you are now that I should have worried about. Regardless, I can see now with clear eyes the real you - you are what I feared you were that first night you came over to my apartment - someone capable of doing anything, with no remorse. While I'm surprised you decided to launch another relationship with another coworker given your hang-ups about privacy, I've long since given up trying to figure out why you do the things you do. If he's living in the cone of secrecy you kept me in, I can only feel sorry for him. Had @@@ not been on that plane with you and @@@, none of this would have ever come up and I have no doubt you'd still be spinning a web of lies and deceit around me, for whatever reason. The good news for me is that now any sadness or love I had for you can be replaced with the overwhelming sense that I dodged a huge bullet when you dumped me, and a lifetime of misery and dishonesty. Losing someone who says they love you is never easy, but at least now I can sleep easy knowing I didn't really lose anything ... certainly not the good girl I've always wanted. I don't expect you to respond; I just wanted you to know that the truth has a way of coming out. For that, I'm truly thankful. (Eisenhower) Well, there it is - my last communication with her forever. I know I broke no contact by sending it, but I can't bear the thought that she thinks she can manipulate and fool me. I just wanted her to know I see her for what she is now. I wish it was as easy to move on as I make it sound in the e-mail, but there's definitely no turning back now - I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. Edited December 13, 2009 by Eisenhower
Odyssey Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears. Keep yourself busy man...
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