musefan Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 I finally ended a truly sad relationship. Sad in that it was long distance for almost five years and I never even got to meet his parents. Sad in that we had broken up several times and I always missed him so much that we'd get back together.. He also had a bad habit of chatting online on dating sites - yuck! He never once told me I was beautiful, meanwhile I would have men I didn't even know come up to me and tell me I'm the most beautiful woman they'd ever seen.. I have been married before and he never married.. I finally allowed myself to realise that the love of my life, whom I had forgiven for his "indiscretions" (chatting with hot babes online - what a nerd) wanted marriage and children, just not with me. I broke up with him last Monday (Dec 7th) I told him that this time there should be absolutely no more contact, since in the past it had been too difficult for me and that we always ended up getting back together. I told him I needed a man who wanted to marry me. He coudn't see this as a possiblity because of the distance etc. - whatever, he could've moved.. Anyway, a day and a half later I was in bed - (yes, depressed and sleeping) and lo and behold, he calls after breaking the NC rule I had set out. I asked him why he was calling and he had a couple lame things to talk about and told me it was too difficult to just break off all conversation and that he would be calling again, maybe a couple more times.. He told me I could just not answer the phone. I told him that I wouldn't purposefully not answer the phone, that I wasn't angry he called, just surprised and I was a little rude to him. He sent me a link on email that day about one of the things we talked about.. I waited two days and responded to his email, just a quick thank you for the link.. He has messed with my head, as I would love nothing more than to marry him and have children with him.. It kills me that he can't see that with me, and has basically used me for mind blowing sex for the past 4 1/2 years.. Which meant everything to me btw.. Now, that he's not calling again, it's killing me! I will NOT call him. I feel bad for being a little rude to him when he did call - plus I was half asleep. I feel like he was happy to know I was wallowing in pain. I am such a mess right now, I've been busy all week, but now it's Saturday night and I don't want to go anywhere. I am in an incredible amount of pain and it's taking every fiber of me to not call him! I used to always feel so much pain that I'd call.. What is wrong with me? I wish he didn't call me! I wish he didn't call!!!! The tears keep coming to my eyes, why does it seem like I am the only one suffering? I drive around and no one else is crying while they're driving.. I am so alone.
LovelyDaze Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 You're breaking MY heart. No, I have and still cry in my car when I think of my awful breakup. DO NOT call,text or e-mail him. Leave him there right where he is. When a person keeps toying with your emotions, it is basically telling you that they don't give a damn about you. How can they? A person who loves you wouldn't want to hurt you, make you cry, depress you or confuse you. Glad you have joined the LS community. You will find all kinds of broken hearts with strong minds here.
Zeegagge Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Ah Muse, you are definitely definitely not alone. It is Saturday night and here I am, sitting on my computer. Why am I not out? Because where I live there are a very limited number of places to hang out, and anywhere I go I'm going to run into my ex and her new girlfriend (yes, you read that correctly). Either way you are not alone in your pain and hurt. Everybody goes through this and we come out stronger and happier in the end. It sounds like you are making some strong choices and doing the right thing here. This guy's a loser and you deserve better. Stay strong and hang in there. I know it hurts right now but you will get past this and get what you deserve, and as I said earlier, you deserve better than Mr online dating etc. Sidenote that has nothing to do with anything: Got a text from my ex as I was typing this. "Are you busy?" What, you need a ride? Get in another fight with your new one? Wish you had some of my good... (I digress) Whatever, ignored. Popping another movie in. Find your own way home.
LovelyDaze Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Sidenote that has nothing to do with anything: Got a text from my ex as I was typing this. "Are you busy?" What, you need a ride? Get in another fight with your new one? Wish you had some of my good... (I digress) Whatever, ignored. Popping another movie in. Find your own way home. LMAO! That's right! We need to shut that door when our exes try to reopen it. In fact, I need to push my dresser drawer a little to the left myself.....
Author musefan Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 Thank you lovely and zeegagge for your responses. I went to bed and slept for a couple hours and got back up - dang, won't this Saturday night ever end?!!! It makes me feel less alone to hear from you.. wow, that makes a huge difference for me! He sent me an email tonight, nothing in it, nothing. Just a link to remind me of something funny that happened to us on our recent trip to Singapore.. I deleted it and won't respond - "sigh" Oh and zee, I also live in a town that doesn't have much going on at all! It's great place for families, but not for singles.. (or newly single..) and thanks Lovely, for the the welcome!
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