I'm 18 And Have Never Been In A Relationship...Bad Or Good?

[Ronaldo18]

Ok, so I don't want to seem cocky or arrogant or egotistical, so don't take it that way. Anyways, i've had a few girls like me, the first one was actually grade 1, and since then a few have shown there affections to me. I've never returned them. Now that i've grown up, you'd think i'd have a girlfriend by now, but i don't.

 

I have very, immensely high standards. And so far, i've met a few girls that i've liked, yet everytime i get close to asking someone out, i consider it and i find that she doesn't have something that i'm looking for. And i'm not going to go out with some random girl, or one that i have vague feelings for, she's got to be the one (which is probably impossible).

 

Anyways, because of my standards, i've never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, etc etc. I've had one girl even ask me to kiss her, but she was not even close to what i've always wanted and i turned her down. I want my first to be something extraordinary, someone really special.

 

Am i being wrong and too picky, and I admit i'm far from perfect, and i mean far. But still, I want to find that someone that i've always dreamt about, that girl that comes once in a lifetime, not the everyday girl you see on the streets etc..., what you think?

[light2]

You are still young. There is no rush till you find the one you really want. But it seems to me that you are turning them down before you are even giving them a chance. Everyone has their pros/cons, finding the "perfect" person just means they have a lot more pros than cons.

[Leonard]

You're doing fiine, don't listen to everyone else about lowering your standards on the type of woman you want. Just because the right woman hasn't come around yet doesn't mean you should be lowering your standards to date an obese unemployed druggie.

 

You remind me of a younger me, except you don't seem to have defined what exactly you want in a woman. Take a piece of paper, and white down all the things you want to find in your special woman and make a list:

 

 

Qualities she must absolutely have (list 5 things)

*

*

*

*

*

 

Qualities she can have (like a bonus quality), but are not necessary (5 things)

*

*

*

*

*

 

Qualities that you absolutely don't want her to have (list 5 things)

*

*

*

*

*

 

Qualities that you might not like much, but you can handle (list 5 things)

*

*

*

*

*

When you've made that list, go out and meet a girl. Then when you're done, go back home, take out your list and tick off what's on there. That way you don't have to have a vague list of things in your head about what she must be and trying to desperately tick off everything in that head of yours.

 

Once that is done, take a look at the list and think about it. Does she have more of the qualities you want or not? If not, drop her. If she does, then carry on.

 

Hope this helps!

[purgatori]

I could have said much the same thing when I was 18. Now I'm 28, and I can still say the same thing. I have no advice to give, because obviously whatever I have done has been the wrong thing.

[Brady_to_Moss]

I am 21 and never been in one...who really cares as long as you are happy.

[Boundary Problem]

There is more to life than relationships.

 

Focus on schooling, work, family and friends for the time being and that will make you more attractive to women.

 

And then you will have several "10"s to pick from when the time is right.

 

Rather than settling with someone who doesn't get you excited, just invest in yourself.

 

But I also recommend practising by going out reguarly on dates etc to smooth up your game, so that when the right girl comes along you have the romantic depth to understand her and to be able to interest her.

[Bollocks]

There is more to life than relationships.

 

Focus on schooling, work, family and friends for the time being and that will make you more attractive to women.

 

And then you will have several "10"s to pick from when the time is right.

 

Rather than settling with someone who doesn't get you excited, just invest in yourself.

 

But I also recommend practising by going out reguarly on dates etc to smooth up your game, so that when the right girl comes along you have the romantic depth to understand her and to be able to interest her.

 

Word.

 

I am 20 and have never been in a relationship. That being said, I've had sex several times and don't have a particular problem hooking up with people. I figure when the gal comes around that I want to spend a lot more time with, it'll be pretty obvious.

[Compos_Mentis]

Leonard has given you a useful system. However, I would like to add a couple of things.

 

First of all, most who replied to you seem to be just like you, who have not yet succeeded in advancing beyond that stage. Consequently, they will say it is "good" - with reasons that they have rationalised for themselves.

 

I saw that, and thought that I ought to give my side - as I used to be just like you when I was younger, and changed as I kept growing. Your mindset now is clearly "I do not want to waste my first gf on somebody random. I want her to be special. Perhaps even the one". Perfectly understandable, as most ambitious people have similar mindsets about any aspect in life. I am pretty sure that if you dig deeper, you'll find that you have similar beliefs about work/life/family/etc.

 

Back to the point: your mindset should be changed just slightly. You should STILL aim for the best girl out there to spend your time with. There is indeed NO reason whatsoever that you should lower your standards - there are enough people with those standards to go around, too many, even. But, here's the twist. What makes you think that THE perfect girl would settle for you?

 

Let me elaborate: the perfect girl will want a good relationship, no needless problems, silly arguments, etc. Just as any other thing, RELATIONSHIPS take practice and thinking over to be good at. Let me assure you: EVERYONE makes mistakes in relationships, EVERYONE, inevitably. Would you want to "lose" your perfect girl, after all the years it took you to find her, just over a mistake you could have avoided/overcome? I think not.

 

The way to do that, however, is indeed to try different relationships, as different spectrum of relationships would help you avoid different problems, and broaden your mind. I believe that, you should date girls, not ugly, low self esteem, stupid ones that fell off the moon and dress like tarzan, obviously. However, do not aim for PERFECT 10's. You can settle for 8's and 9's, ones that have perhaps one or two missing characteristics that you'd like, and one that you don't really like, or an equivalent, so that you could practice, and improve your abilities as well as demolish your flaws(which everyone has) so that your PERFECT TEN would not need to go through it with you, and therefore risk a relationship that you'd really want to succeed.

 

Think about it. Reply afterwards.

 

I hope I helped,

 

Good luck,

 

Dan.

[amagordos]

Well your situation sounds a lot like me, i have been very picky as well and never been in a relationship either. Im 20 years old by the way. I don't think you should lower your standards for whatever reason, but reading your post made me realize why i have been alone most of these years. i don't like to settle, i don't like to waste time, but my friend told me that it is important that you experience something. Like they told you before, have fun. Date girls that aren't tens and you'll be surprised with what you will find. You are not going to find the right girl right away, it takes time and you have to invest some time in girls to find that girl.

[roflmao]

I've just read all the topic and I thought I have to reply on this too...

I'm just in the same position as some of you...I'm 17(the youngest I've read in this topic, until now) and still haven't been in any relationship. I remember I posted here some months ago, cause I was feeling lonely and getting quite desperate. Thank God, some of the users here really helped me (=

Anyway...I can picture how difficult it can be, because by this age, our collegues and friends, almost all of them have a gf and have tons of chicks after them (as far as I'm concerned, that's what happens to me...). But I've posted once here in LS, and I still didn't forget what they said to me, just like some of you said in this topic:

 

You haven't been in a relationship so far? So what? Dating isn't the only thing in life. You are still young, you'll have plenty of time to find the perfect one. Just hang out with other people. Do other things you like. And specially, don't force any relationship.

 

Each and everyone of us is unique. You have your own qualities and defects, and, for a relationship to work out smoothly, your date should love you by both your pros and cons. Don't lower your standards. However, don't look for the perfect girl right away, just like someone said.

 

I know it's hard for us, as teens, to cope with this, but think this way: My friends...they all have a gf/bf. They start a relationship with preety much anyone! Darn, are they that stupid? I bet they think they're living the good life, but once they get older, they won't find anyone to start a real relationship, and possibly, a family. Why? Because by that time they'll be unable to figure out which is "the one". With so many dates and making out, they just lost that sensitive side.

This is based on what I see almost everyday. I don't know if this applies to you to, but if it does, try it. It just reveals your mature side. And, fortunately, there are still girls that prefere the mature guys rather than the hotties and extremely popular ones.

 

Don't give up! You'll find "the one" (=

[Kizzyfur]

Yeah, I agree with Cannedstarfish. I needed my man to have experienced relationships with other women before me for my own personal reasons.

 

And who knows, someone you didn't expect to be right for you may turn out to be just that, the right one. You have to spend time with someone to really get to know who they are. At your age that's not easy since people do tend to change over the years. And a lot of that change happens between the ages of 21 and 35 due to personal life experiences. So someone you meet now may not be the same in say 10 years down the road.

 

You're 18, just live life to it's fullest and enjoy it as much as you possibly can. It doesn't get any easier.

[S.Sheller]

people who haven't dated yet are just late bloomers, im sure you will all have a great girl or guy as long as you keep your head up, and keep smiling.