deebeechrisyo Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 I've read a few Second Chance posts through the past month about ex's looking for advice on how to get back with their dumper/dumpee. In the back of my mind I've been keeping a list of the different thought processes which I believe drives an ex toward wanting reconciliation, based on some of the threads here. The ex's pride or ego cannot let them believe they have been rejected, they miss being in a relationship, they feel lonely, or even they truly love their partner. In my mind, there is really only one legitimite reason why an ex should WANT to reconcile: they truly love/have strong feelings for their ex, AND possess healthy respect for themselves as well as their ex. What I mean is, this person is willing to take the time to clear their heads, focus on themselves, what went wrong in the relationship, and make an effort prevent those mistakes in the future. Unfortunately this involves time passing, and the other party usually has a new interest by then, so this never even has a chance of happening. Ex's that get back together 2 or 3 days after a breakup is reconciling based on their emotions, which is not healthy even if they still do love each other in my opinion. I cannot really think of another legitimite reason for why an ex should WANT to reconcile (aside from the sex being amazing heheee). Perhaps an ex-husband or wilfe puts their kids ahead of themselves, and they do not want their kids growing up in a "broken home" so they reconcile their marraige. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this.
USMCHokie Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 I generally agree with what you're saying...the only reconciliations that tend to work out in the long run are those where both people have taken some time apart...perhaps both have seen other people...but the important thing that both have done is recognize issues with themselves and have taken steps to fix those issues... My ex taught me that relationships aren't all about love and romance...it's really a business between two individuals...one you have to maintain and constantly work on...it's really all about trying to live two lives in one "life"...and perhaps separation makes two people realize that their ex was the best business partner for them...one who had those rare qualities of someone who they could see spending the rest of their life with...and I think that's the mutual respect you're talking about...
tnttim Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 I think for the one who is left behind in the break up it's love, feeling lonely, scared of the future, and pride. The one who leaves, it's thinking they left something good, or realizing they to caused the break up. Either way a recon. is only possible when you both learn from your past and then forget about it. I told my wife we have to start with a clean slate. If it's going to work it has to work from this day forward. Living in the past is determentual to a recon.
CaliGuy Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 IMHO... ...it's one's own personal insecurities. You feel like this is the only person who has ever and will ever love you. Someone else will, when you learn to accept that it's over and move on. ...it's hanging on to the past, hoping they'll change and suddenly, somehow, out of nowhere -- love you like they used to. They almost never do. ...it's your "comfort zone". Like an old shoe, you are comfortable with your ex. Finding someone new means you have to go through that phase again. To some people, this is a cause of much unnecessary fear.
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