knime32 Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 I've posted some threads on numerous other forums but I am still confused on what to think. My boyfriend and I of 6 years just broke up last Monday. We've broken up a few times before but we always seem to find each other again. Our last break up was 2 years ago and it typically takes him 2 weeks before he's calling and professing how much he loves me and how much of a mistake he has made. Our earlier breakups I attribute to being young and immature. I've now graduated from College and he's started a successful career as a police officer and our relationship was getting very serious and the talk of a more serious committment was defintely lingering on both of our parts. When we broke up he said that he just needed time and needed time to find himself and he felt we were growing apart (he's said this everytime we've broken up but we get back together and we work so well together for a long time). We're all we've ever really known, since we've dated for so long at such a young age. I just wanted to get some opinions on if you think he's coming back and if he does, what should I do? I love him very much and I felt the same from him. Our relationship was going along perfectly and we were even discussing moving in together and starting our lives together as one and starting a family soon after. Is the thought of committment shying him away from our relationship or does he really need to go out and experience the outside world before he comes back? I want him back and when I envision my perfect match, he fits in every way. Present: I'm still confused and getting a little less hopefull in a return. Its been almost 2 weeks now and I haven't really heard from it about any of it. Usually by now, he's contacted me. I've talked with a bunch of our mutual friends and they said that he's not going out and he's not meeting new people, one of the things he said he wanted to do. Is he really taking the time to just find himself. He makes plans with his friends but then backs out last minute. I've noticed over the 6 years that we dated that he was a little insecure and very shy. It sounds bad but I don't think he'll be successful in finding someone better than me, if that's what he's doing. Another of my friends said that said in talking with him, he thinks that by leaving our relationship, in which he was happy, he thinks he's going to find this "pefect" woman. Perfect men and women don't exist. Does he honestly think he's going to find a woman who will cater to his every desire and do everything for him and be a sex goddess? I still want him to come back and I still want to be with him, but I think he needs to be hit with a massive does of reality...these people don't exist and leaving a happy relationship that you're happy with on the offset chance that something better is going to be out there...is just stupid. Thanks for all of your thoughts and input!
GrayClouds Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Sorry kinme to hear your in pain. I do not know what he will or will not do, no one does. It may not be the answer your looking for but it will be the thing that helps you the most. The one thing you do know is what you will do. So while he is finding himself, you should focus on yourself and do the same. Go hang out with frineds you hav enot had time for, start a new hobbies you have always wanted to try, get back in shape, take a class on a subject you never had time for, hang out with the family. GO learn about what things make you happy even if no one else is around. Focus on you. That way if he does not come back you have gone a long way to recovering from it and if he does your going to be a happpier and healthier person for it. Even to the point you may decide you want to give yourself to someone less wishy-washy. Read the following, follow it, it will help: So you want a second chance?
Ronni_W Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Hugs, knime. The not knowing does suck. I agree with GC that all you can do is focus on those things that you DO know and that are within your own power to control and direct. ...leaving a happy relationship that you're happy with on the offset chance that something better is going to be out there...is just stupid. Unfortunately, the other massive dose of reality is that people do NOT leave a relationship that they're (entirely) happy with on the offset chance that something better is going to be out there. For whatever reason, your ex was NOT so happy that he could ignore the call of that offset chance. Whatever-it-was made him unhappy with the relationship; left him feeling unfulfilled, or smothered, or not supported, or not heard, or afraid-doubtful-uncertain, or that 'something' was missing that is important enough to him, for him to go and try to find it. It's not necessarily a "stupid" quest, to him. (You won't know until he tells you, I mean.) Hopefully he'll figure it out sooner than later, and let you know one way or the other. Hugs, and best of luck.
Kic Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 I've been in your shoes. One of my ex's expectations out of a relationship were higher than the average person's (keeping that in-love feeling, demanding excessive hours of my time per day, etc.), as she hadn't dated much before meeting me and did not realize how many losers one has to date before finding a quality person. This type of person is likely to cheat if dishonest or break it off in the hopes of finding a better partner if honest. Your man seems like the latter, as was my ex. They likely won't find better, but do you let them go at the risk of them picking up an STD right before they eventually want you back? It's so tempting to sacrifice a little bit of your dignity to prevent them from leaving, but if they don't go out and see the harsh realities of the dating world for themselves, they may always wonder and hold it against you, as in the case I had. If they're the kind that will always wonder and treat you badly due to their high expectations of you, then it may be best to go NC and let them find out on their own. Most likely, they'll come back to you (with an STD, of course ). In my case, she did come back and hadn't slept with anyone. Didn't work out for other reasons, but the bright side is I'm still STD-free.
Author knime32 Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 I'm trying to work on me and improve myself. I think that losing myself is one of the reasons why we lost our relationship. I lost my job at the beginning of July due to the economy and I haven't been happy with myself or my life since then. I was completely happy however with my relationship. I sometimes wonder if I still had a job or if I got one, would it make a difference in our relationship. Nobody wants to be with a debbie downer and Our relationship started falling apart I guess in November (for him) because of it. He kept telling all of our friends, as soon as she gets a job, I'm going to propose. I just dont understand all of the events that have transpired and as more time passes and I haven't heard anything from him, it just keeps getting worse and worse. I need some honest truth and advice on what to do. I am so confused and I just want my life back. I want my best friend and the love of my life to come back to me and tell me everything's going to be alright and he's sorry!
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