LovelyDaze Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 My ex BF and I still work together and he is being deployed again to Afghanistan early next year. This is the guy who dumped me to be with a girl he met only 2 weeks before. They are now engaged after about 4 months of texting and webcaming long-distance. He is also the guy that, up until recently, said he doesn't trust that she is faithful and has never stopped saying that he KNOWS that their relationship is not going to work. My ex said a long time ago that he left his ex-girlfriend just before his 1st deployment to Afghanistan so that he "doesn't have to worry about her cheating." HIs exact words. NOW, he says the same thing about his new fiance'. He said and I quote.." I am not going to sit there on a Humvee, worrying if Kaitlyn is f*cking around with some other guy! I can't wait to get there and hang out with my troop again!" Oh BTW.....He STILL has tried to ask me out and I have turned him down(with all the courage and integrity I have left). He talks so poorly of her to me, yet gets all syrupy when she calls. How is someone excited to leave their fiance' to get to, of all places, Afghanistan??
GrayClouds Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 My ex BF and I still work together and he is being deployed again to Afghanistan early next year. This is the guy who dumped me to be with a girl he met only 2 weeks before. They are now engaged after about 4 months of texting and webcaming long-distance. He is also the guy that, up until recently, said he doesn't trust that she is faithful and has never stopped saying that he KNOWS that their relationship is not going to work. My ex said a long time ago that he left his ex-girlfriend just before his 1st deployment to Afghanistan so that he "doesn't have to worry about her cheating." HIs exact words. NOW, he says the same thing about his new fiance'. He said and I quote.." I am not going to sit there on a Humvee, worrying if Kaitlyn is f*cking around with some other guy! I can't wait to get there and hang out with my troop again!" Oh BTW.....He STILL has tried to ask me out and I have turned him down(with all the courage and integrity I have left). He talks so poorly of her to me, yet gets all syrupy when she calls. How is someone excited to leave their fiance' to get to, of all places, ?? Someone who is so afraid of being in a relationship, would rather f8ck it up himself then take the chance on someone else doing it. I hope when he gets to Afghanistan, he dodges all the bullets as successfully as you dodged a big one by no longer being in a relationship with this guy.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 12, 2009 Author Posted December 12, 2009 That's what i was thinking too, GrayClouds. Their relationship already smells of deep,dark doom and he even admitted that he believes she will lose interest in him for the nearly 1 year and a half that he will be over there. He said it several times as if he HOPES she will so she'd be gone from his life when he returns. I am mad because during our relationship, he KNEW I'd be the one to wait for him and be true to him while he was away. So, he dumps the one he feels can be trusted for someone he doesn't think can? The way his face brightened up when he talked about Afghanistan was so odd. While other soldiers are nervous and/or sad to go...my ex can't wait. In fact, he is literally counting down the days to get out of here.
D-Lish Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Maybe he fears intimacy more than facing possible death... An alarming statement, but a guy that is happy about leaving a relationship to be in a war zone has some issues...
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 12, 2009 Author Posted December 12, 2009 Maybe he fears intimacy more than facing possible death... An alarming statement, but a guy that is happy about leaving a relationship to be in a war zone has some issues... Seriously, D-Lish. You are so right and GrayClouds reminded that I AM lucky to be the EX of this nut. I still can't believe that Afghanistan sounds more appealing to him than working out the dents in his current relationship. The thing that continues to make me sad is that I am still in love with the guy I THOUGHT he was. I don't know this guy. He is indecisive, random and above all else, too ball-less to handle any relationship he runs into. It's like, sabotaging is all he knows. But he LOVES the possibility of IEDs, intense heat, and car bombings? Relationships are THAT scary to him?
D-Lish Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Seriously, D-Lish. You are so right and GrayClouds reminded that I AM lucky to be the EX of this nut. I still can't believe that Afghanistan sounds more appealing to him than working out the dents in his current relationship. The thing that continues to make me sad is that I am still in love with the guy I THOUGHT he was. I don't know this guy. He is indecisive, random and above all else, too ball-less to handle any relationship he runs into. It's like, sabotaging is all he knows. But he LOVES the possibility of IEDs, intense heat, and car bombings? Relationships are THAT scary to him? Well thankfully you are not with him anymore! I've loved people before that didn't deserve my love, I think we all have. I think it's apparant the guy has serious issues. It's one thing to have to be deployed- it's quite another to want to go to war to flee a relationship. Clearly, there is a whole lot more going inside that man than years of therapy could sort out. Freud would have a hayday with him! I think it's admirable you can see that you are in love with the person you thought he was. It's now just a matter of seeing who he really is. You'll leave him in the dust when you reconcile with that reality.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 Oh thank you, D-Lish. I have begun to get it clear in my skull that he is SERIOUSLY troubled. He dumps me for a girl he only knew for 2 weeks, gets engaged and then flies into rants about how he can't WAIT to go over seas to "get away from it all." Being that he said that about the ex he had before me...I wonder if he is following a terrible pattern and going in a vicious cycle. Makes me think he doesn't really want to be in a relationship with either of us at all...or anyone else for that matter.
D-Lish Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Oh thank you, D-Lish. I have begun to get it clear in my skull that he is SERIOUSLY troubled. He dumps me for a girl he only knew for 2 weeks, gets engaged and then flies into rants about how he can't WAIT to go over seas to "get away from it all." Being that he said that about the ex he had before me...I wonder if he is following a terrible pattern and going in a vicious cycle. Makes me think he doesn't really want to be in a relationship with either of us at all...or anyone else for that matter. He doesn't know his ass from his head... That's the bottom line! He sounds like he has severe CP- he's a narcissist at the very least. They wow you at the beginning and draw you in- you fall in love with that perfect person that just doesn't exist. That's why the loss of short term relationships can hurt the most- because we fall in love with a person playing a role, not the person they really are. When the real "they" surfaces, we refuse to accept it because they have played the role of a perfect person so well. You're going to be okay- primarily because you aren't with him anymore! Hugs though- I know what it is like to love someone that isn't worthy of it. You're better off!
GrayClouds Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Seriously, D-Lish. You are so right and GrayClouds reminded that I AM lucky to be the EX of this nut. I still can't believe that Afghanistan sounds more appealing to him than working out the dents in his current relationship. The thing that continues to make me sad is that I am still in love with the guy I THOUGHT he was. Amen sister. Yes love can be blind but it does not have to be stupid. Most guys in love with a girl I would fight the Taliban to be with her.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 D-Lish: That brightened my evening! He is like Jekyll and Hyde. He wouldn't hear of me paying for dinner dates, opened car doors, gave me his jacket when I was cold, hold my hand EVERYWHERE in public and everything romantic under the sun. Then he turned into the monster that doesn't give a sh*t about ANYONE's feelings except his own. GrayClouds: Yeah, he wants to go to war to GET AWAY from everybody. My gosh, I forgot that he even said he HOPES his deployment was longer(?). That is just bizarre to me.
GrayClouds Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 D-lish is right this guy sound like my dog. Auggie the doggie. She love to chase things, squirrels, rabbits, other dogs, deers. She chases anything that moves. One day she she saw this big buck of a deer and took off after it, chased it until it was almost of my view. Then the deer just stop and Auggie had no idea what to do. She was so confused, she just stop and laid down for a few minutes then got up and walked back to me. She seem a little hurt becouse the deer stop playing the game. Just like this guy, he like the chase, caught what he was chasing but now he does not know what to do with it so he is going back to what he knows.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 D-lish is right this guy sound like my dog. Auggie the doggie. She love to chase things, squirrels, rabbits, other dogs, deers. She chases anything that moves. One day she she saw this big buck of a deer and took off after it, chased it until it was almost of my view. Then the deer just stop and Auggie had no idea what to do. She was so confused, she just stop and laid down for a few minutes then got up and walked back to me. She seem a little hurt becouse the deer stop playing the game. Just like this guy, he like the chase, caught what he was chasing but now he does not know what to do with it so he is going back to what he knows. Whoa. That DOES sound like my ex! Once he got the new fiance' (just like his former exes including ME) he gets this certain itch and is dying to scratch it. I wonder if his new fiance' knows he has done this before, leaving for Afghanistan and making it a vacation from a relationship rather than an actual job. I guess you guys are right. He LOVES chasing us but when he gets us, he goes back on home because it's no longer "fun" That is sad. Yep, he'd rather dodge bullets and grenades than making a relationship work. That looks pathetic writing that as it is to know it....
GrayClouds Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Whoa. That DOES sound like my ex! Once he got the new fiance' (just like his former exes including ME) he gets this certain itch and is dying to scratch it. I wonder if his new fiance' knows he has done this before, leaving for Afghanistan and making it a vacation from a relationship rather than an actual job. I guess you guys are right. He LOVES chasing us but when he gets us, he goes back on home because it's no longer "fun" That is sad. Yep, he'd rather dodge bullets and grenades than making a relationship work. That looks pathetic writing that as it is to know it.... When you see him next say "Hi Auggie" and when he asked why you said that say it just seems like an appropriate nick name for some reason. and remember you can not fix him... just yourself and that is your focus now
D-Lish Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 But you're going on to greater things, and he's going to stay stuck in this pattern. You'll look back one day and wonder what you saw in the douchebag. He won't even be a douchebag because you won't have enough anger or feelings about him to label him. He'll just be some guy you dated in the distant past that was weird. Just don't internalize that his choices have anything at all to do with you- he has the problems, and you're the lucky one that has realized that and is clear to move on. These are his problems- his only. You're going to be okay baby-doll, you really are. You deserve better and you're going to have it, so keep reaching for it.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 But you're going on to greater things, and he's going to stay stuck in this pattern. You'll look back one day and wonder what you saw in the douchebag. He won't even be a douchebag because you won't have enough anger or feelings about him to label him. He'll just be some guy you dated in the distant past that was weird. Just don't internalize that his choices have anything at all to do with you- he has the problems, and you're the lucky one that has realized that and is clear to move on. These are his problems- his only. You're going to be okay baby-doll, you really are. You deserve better and you're going to have it, so keep reaching for it. Oh, I loved that, D-Lish *happy tears*. Yes, I realize that no one can change him until he wants to change himself. There is no amount of hinting, suggesting or coercing to get him to be the nice guy I thought he was. What a mask he wore! Hey GrayClouds- You've got it! I will always think of him as a little doggie chasing endlessly just for kicks. I SO want to prove it to myself that I am gonna be okay. There's no way to go but up anyway!
D-Lish Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 He wore the mask, you get to tell him to **** off. That's the bottom line.
GrayClouds Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 Oh, I loved that, D-Lish *happy tears*. Yes, I realize that no one can change him until he wants to change himself. There is no amount of hinting, suggesting or coercing to get him to be the nice guy I thought he was. What a mask he wore! Hey GrayClouds- You've got it! I will always think of him as a little doggie chasing endlessly just for kicks. I SO want to prove it to myself that I am gonna be okay. There's no way to go but up anyway! You do not have to prove just know it, beside, when your ready at your office it sounds like it you give it a week there will be like 16 or 17 new singles to pick from...hell even I could make something happen with those odds
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 LOL, guys! Yeah, he is almost "Tiger Woods-ish" in that I bought that my ex was some supernice and attentive guy when all the while , he was just a cheating and deceptive jerk off. I am going to keep nodding my head at all the co-workers who claim bliss in their relationships...some will have names like BrokenBear or Dumped2Much on LS soon.
deebeechrisyo Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 This story is reminding me of the movie "The Hurt Locker". <spoiler> Jeremy Renner's character chose to return to Iraq for another year rather then stay at home with his wife and kid.</spoiler> Some people feel more comfortable out in a hot zone with their soldiers who would die for each other then being in a relationship. I have some army friends who enjoyed their Iraq experience very much, and one of them actually volunteered to return to Iraq next year. I cannot say why they would choose this path, nor can I argue their point considering I have not experienced what they have. They build deep relationships with their fellow soldiers (who they rely on to stay alive), and being out in a warzone changes people. I believe you said that he has been deployed before.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 Yes. And he made sure he broke up with that girlfriend before he left the 1st time. My ex said he didn't want to "worry" about her cheating while he was away. Now, he just plain dumped me to be with his new fiance' and he says he is completely unsure if she is true and again, doesn't want to think about it while he's in the desert. You made a good point about how the soldiers trust each other hardcore. He was bragging about how much they support each other and keep lasting friendships. Never shows the same type of enthusiasm over any relationship he's ever had. Never.
Kic Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 I wonder if he will try to marry before deployment (maybe on paper). Soldiers are paid considerable bonus money when married. That might help explain why he got engaged so fast. Guy seems unpredictable. You dodged a bullet imo.
Author LovelyDaze Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 Wouldn't surprise me. I almost hope they do so that their marriage can be a bigger Fail than it already will be.
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