unsure if my jealousy has gone too far or is even deserved ;/

[chelseyjealousy]

PLEASEEE HELLPPP ME

like most girls have been hurt alot. i tend to trust people a little to easy and in relationships i fall head over heels in a very fast timeline.... but recently i have been allowed to date and i met one paticular guy and he was great instant attraction and everything but i have a problem with snoopin its kind of a innocent curiosity i mean doesnt everyone want to know if the person they are with is faithful to them and only them.... i mean being honest and faithful is a major part of me.... so anyways i went on the worst website someone in a relationship could be on MYSPACE.COM and i looked up his name.......BAMMM highly graphic pictures of him his status single and flirting and girls sayin they were his and him commenting them back in the same manner.... well i confronted him and he denied it all and said he never got on there..... well apparently i guess myspace screwed up their recent log in thing[sarcasm] but that relationship ended badly... where my suspicions of him cheating were confirmed with solid evidence............. about 2 weeks later.... i came across.. a guy i had known at my old highschool... you know the type highschool hunk every girl likes him you worship the ground he walks on lol so i had a crush on him a longgg time ago but the second i got his number he had told me he was in a relationship already...so about now a year and a half later he adds me on facebook.. and says hello and gives me his number.... well we started talking... and everything running smoothley and the thing i love sooo much about this relationship is that i trusted him from the beginning because he told me he had a girlfriend back then sooo if a girl were ever to talk to him know he would do the same.... welll the first two months of our relationship went by smoothly we see eachother once a week maybe even more.... and i trust him completley..... but yet i cant stop snoopin on him recently i found picture comment and such on his facebook where he told a girl damn....we really should hang out when i get back and told another one who said to him he lil man....... he replied back its daddy to you.... and when i confronted him on this he was very nice about it and said sorry.... he did not realize it would upset me and that they were old friends from when he lived in pittsburgh but now since that everytime he texts in front of me i flip out and pout about...it and i swear that deep down inside even though he has never done one thing wrong that i have never caught him texting another girl anything bad i still cant stoppp... wondering what he is sending in his texts or searching his facebook for stuff i feel phsyco.... i really need advice on what i should do to stop bein this way i really need to get over this and stop blaming him for what other guys have done to me but i just dont know how....i dont wanna push him away HELPPPP

[Adunaphel]

Hello,

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone (I'm just one of the many people who have a jealousy problem).

Your bf sounds like a nice guy, and I think that what he told to his friends could be classified as innocuous - it really does sound like the kind of stuff one tells to longtime friends without even thinking about it.

 

Have you talked to your bf about your jealousy? Is he someone you can talk to about how you feel? Does he know how much your ex has impacted on your jealousy?

Sometimes just talking about how you hare feeling solves half of the problem... expecially if you know that your jealousy is irrational.

 

Also... I've found out that asking myself questions such as "had your ex bf acted like your current boyfriend, would have you been jealous of him?" helps a lot. I realize that I am bringing into my new relationships issues from the previous one, and that I am being a lot more intolerant and much more expecting towards my new bf than towards my ex bf... which is very unfair.

[chelseyjealousy]

thank you for telling me that i told him about my past issues and he sent me this message

[but you shouldnt be like that i told you i dont cheat and it just seems like your searchin for me to do something wrong]

 

i mean honestly this is going to take some time.... its just like i was hurt sooo bad and deeply i cant stop makin him pay for what this guy did to me...

it just seems like he does not wanna talk about it and he keeps pushin it aside cause he doesnt wanna hear about the other guy and what he did.... but i mean... like its me it made me all the emotional abuse and cheatin i went through ;/ and what happens if this guy does the exact same...

i just feel like i have no one to talk to you knoww.. i feel alll alone and i know im a rational person...but im actin phsyco.... im so tempted to long onto facebook and search his updates and what he has done.... and where he is going tonight and if he texted girls..... damn it seee im already going into the cycle..... it just feels never ending... and i dont wanna lose him

[JustLooking123]

Your posts are difficult to read due to grammar/punctuation issues (or lack thereof), but I think I got the gist. It sounds like you have some really deep-running issues with insecurity which are affecting you and your current relationship. Someone with a healthy sense of self-worth and self esteem would not act the way you are. I suggest you start working with a therapist to address these issues, or at the very least take some time off of dating until you can get yourself sorted out.

 

Also, I'm confused - is the high school crush guy also in a concurrent relationship with another woman? If so, why on earth would you be shocked if he is dating numerous other women? Maybe I misread that...?

[You'reasian]

... and i dont wanna lose him

 

if you don't wanna lose this guy, arrange to see him face to face. Tell him that he's precious to you and that you love him and that you are sorry that this jealousy is getting in the way - but you need his help for now, so you can learn to trust him. Be honest.

[chelseyjealousy]

no he is currently only in a relationship with me.... when i had met him back in highschool he had been in a relationship and told me about it; which is why i should trust him because he always is up front about his relationships,meaning if a girl were to attempt talking to him now he most likely would mention me. All of this jealousy stems from my past abuse and expierences. It is one of those things that yes i probaly do need to talk to a therapist i just dont know where to start.

[insecureeeyep]

no he is currently only in a relationship with me.... when i had met him back in highschool he had been in a relationship and told me about it; which is why i should trust him because he always is up front about his relationships,meaning if a girl were to attempt talking to him now he most likely would mention me. All of this jealousy stems from my past abuse and expierences. It is one of those things that yes i probaly do need to talk to a therapist i just dont know where to start.

 

Got health insurance? If so, grab the card and call the number on the back. They can tell you what therapists in the area are covered by your insurance. Also, I wasn't comfortable seeing a male- no problem- we skipped over the male listings completely. You can also look online. They usually have their specialties listed. Second step- call and set up an appointment. Third- go. I have jealousy issues as well, so I understand. Good luck!

[HOTGIMMICK]

lol. jealousy no matter what form is WRONG!

 

lets do a simple test. on his facebook relationship status does you name appear there? if it is then it's you with insecurity problems which could end up being the core reason why the current guy may dump you. do seek help fast