Goatsbreath Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 So I've been seeing this girl that I thought I came on to strong because her overall interest seemed to drop as far as texting and coming over. I talked about it here So anyway, I pulled away as suggested but she has maintained small contact like once at night to say "how was your day." So we text a little and talk on phone rarely. I have not seen her in like 2 weeks and when I ask her to come over she usually can't because she don't have babysitter. So today, and last couple days she talking about being hungry because she don't have food and something happened with her government money or something. I've told her to come over and I would make her some dinner but she don't. So she asks if she can borrow some money today and I said I don't have it. I have a pretty good job and I do have it but for real, she barely comes over and don't express that much interest in me then ask for money!
Els Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Maybe... her baby is hungry, she really doesn't have a babysitter, and she needs the money really bad? Or she COULD be pulling one on you, but frankly, if you just loan her 20 bucks for food and she disappears, no big loss to you, and more the shame on her.
MadDriver Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 I've been there. I've done that. My advice to you: DO NOT EVER LEND MONEY TO ANYONE. PERIOD. IT IS NOT WORTH IT. If you do not lend her money. The relationship will not survive. If you lend her money. The relationship will not survive either. Also understand that by "loan", women really mean "free money I never have to pay back to you".
carhill Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 I was buying tile and Hardieboard for the tile job at my mom's house and, whilst loading that stuff up into my truck at Home Depot I was approached by a lady. I told her 'I'm done with the cart and it's dry (it was raining yesterday) and she said she wasn't interested in the cart but needed some groceries. I told her Foods Co is right next door and their prices are pretty good. She said she was broke. I said so am I so that's why I drive a 25 year old truck and pay for supplies with a credit card. I suggested that she try panhandling in the FoodsCo lot since people actually have groceries over there Come to think of it, that's how I talk to women I used to date Funny thing is, and I have experience with this, if I had offered her a job cleaning up the job site and doing some minor chores while I worked and paid her cash, she would've declined. Come to think of it, that's pretty consistent with the women I dated and the one I married too
Author Goatsbreath Posted December 12, 2009 Author Posted December 12, 2009 Maybe... her baby is hungry, she really doesn't have a babysitter, and she needs the money really bad? Or she COULD be pulling one on you, but frankly, if you just loan her 20 bucks for food and she disappears, no big loss to you, and more the shame on her. Well, there have been times where I know she had the opportunity to come over and hang about but decided to go hang out elsewhere or just didn't feel up to coming over. She may very well be broke and have no food, I'll buy that but now I'm just someone for her to try and use for money. I know damn well I would not get it back, I really wouldn't want it back but I hate to feel like someone is taking advantage of me.
carhill Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Just a thought but maybe she might have more food if she dropped the unlimited text feature from her cellular service
BUENG1 Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Well, there have been times where I know she had the opportunity to come over and hang about but decided to go hang out elsewhere or just didn't feel up to coming over. She may very well be broke and have no food, I'll buy that but now I'm just someone for her to try and use for money. I know damn well I would not get it back, I really wouldn't want it back but I hate to feel like someone is taking advantage of me. She's not family, or a friend I wouldn't give her anything. Your are absolutely getting taken advantage of.
threebyfate Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 The prevailing theme appears to be that "she don't come visit me". Is there any reason why you don't go visit her? But I do agree with the members who have advised you not to give her money. Don't get into a situation of monetary dependency.
New Again Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Um, wow, the temerity of some people. For $10 she can buy 5lbs of pasta, 2 jars of sauce, water it down and eat for 2 weeks. Maybe she should examine her expenses and get rid of the "wants" (like her cell phone ) before asking other people for money. Just by getting rid of her cell phone I bet she'd have an extra $50 or more every month.
Jersey Shortie Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 She has no right to ask you for money. That's really just lame. And I think your suggestion to come over for dinner instead was a great offer. I am glad you didn't give her the money.
You'reasian Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 (edited) So I've been seeing this girl that I thought I came on to strong because her overall interest seemed to drop as far as texting and coming over. I talked about it here So anyway, I pulled away as suggested but she has maintained small contact like once at night to say "how was your day." So we text a little and talk on phone rarely. I have not seen her in like 2 weeks and when I ask her to come over she usually can't because she don't have babysitter. So today, and last couple days she talking about being hungry because she don't have food and something happened with her government money or something. I've told her to come over and I would make her some dinner but she don't. So she asks if she can borrow some money today and I said I don't have it. I have a pretty good job and I do have it but for real, she barely comes over and don't express that much interest in me then ask for money! You approach this differently than I would. If she's a trusted friend, I would give her the money as a gift. The thing about gifts is that you give without expectations of getting back. The friendship is the reason why you give the gift - its your appreciation and care for that person. She's my friend - I don't expect to receive anything back from her. She knows I'll watch her back. Edited December 12, 2009 by You'reasian
New Again Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 You approach this differently than I would. If she's a trusted friend, I would give her the money as a gift. The thing about gifts is that you give without expectations of getting back. The friendship is the reason why you give the gift - its your appreciation and care for that person. She's my friend - I don't expect to receive anything back from her. She knows I'll watch her back. My impression is they aren't friends; he's trying to date her and she keeps blowing him off.....then she hits him for money.
You'reasian Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 My impression is they aren't friends; he's trying to date her and she keeps blowing him off.....then she hits him for money. If its a friend who I know and trust, I have no problem giving them a gift. No expectations of getting anything back. If its someone else, I wouldn't give them the money but might help them come up with another plan. Simple.
b52s Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 I've been there. I've done that. My advice to you: DO NOT EVER LEND MONEY TO ANYONE. PERIOD. IT IS NOT WORTH IT. If you do not lend her money. The relationship will not survive. If you lend her money. The relationship will not survive either. Also understand that by "loan", women really mean "free money I never have to pay back to you". Sure, it's called sex.....I've known women to live with a guy rent free.....they wind up being some kind of psuedo girlfriend.....and she's thinking, "I give him some fun, I live here rent and bill free!"
Author Goatsbreath Posted December 12, 2009 Author Posted December 12, 2009 You'reAsian : I've only known this girl sense September so its not like we are old friends. Its just a girl I was trying to date and we were or are having sex, I don't know, its been like 2 weeks sense I seen her.
D-Lish Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Geez, I would be pissed if someone asked me for money in the same situation as you're in. Forget that!
You'reasian Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 You'reAsian : I've only known this girl sense September so its not like we are old friends. Its just a girl I was trying to date and we were or are having sex, I don't know, its been like 2 weeks sense I seen her. You were or are having sex? You don't even know the answer to your own question lol Anyhow, I'd help her but not financially. Best of luck, gb.
Recommended Posts