Eve Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Well, Hubby has just told me (2 hours ago) that both of our boys have seperately come to him within weeks of each other for chats about their career goals. One has decided he wants to be a Policeman, the other a Fireman. Neither one has told the other their aspirations as yet and have not directly appproached me about their intention to apply after Christmas. Needless to say we are both unhappy with this because of the danger involved. Hubby has bravely gone with the 'follow your heart' type of parental message but I dont know if I can really say that. When they were little they did each say they wanted to be Firemen and Policemen .. but they were little then! Most boys want this. Does anyone here have young adults who have gone into these careers? What did you say to them? I cant even look at the thought that our fine boys could be seriously hurt. Beyond the emotional stuff, I can see that they would make fine officers but ... I am sure you can imagine. Take care, Eve xx
TheLoneSock Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Well, Hubby has just told me (2 hours ago) that both of our boys have seperately come to him within weeks of each other for chats about their career goals. One has decided he wants to be a Policeman, the other a Fireman. Neither one has told the other their aspirations as yet and have not directly appproached me about their intention to apply after Christmas. Needless to say we are both unhappy with this because of the danger involved. Hubby has bravely gone with the 'follow your heart' type of parental message but I dont know if I can really say that. When they were little they did each say they wanted to be Firemen and Policemen .. but they were little then! Most boys want this. Does anyone here have young adults who have gone into these careers? What did you say to them? I cant even look at the thought that our fine boys could be seriously hurt. Beyond the emotional stuff, I can see that they would make fine officers but ... I am sure you can imagine. Take care, Eve xx Eve, I'm a 23 year old EMT almost finished with my Associates in Fire Science. I've been in school the past two years in order to become a fireman, I graduate soon. I'd be glad to talk if you like.
New Again Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 After graduating college my brother promptly enlisted in the army as an MP. Obviously everyone knew that meant he would be going to war. No one was happy about his decision. We don't want him to get hurt, and we don't want him to see some of the things he will/has seen and done. But he's an adult and it's his decision. Once that decision is made, all you can do is show them support. They're going to be going through some tough training, job stress, etc. So support them, rather than adding to their stress by making them feel like you're unsupportive, disappointed, unhappy, etc., whichever applies to you. My mother says that she chose the "follow your heart" route, but it's painfully obvious to everyone else, including my brother, that she didn't, and the end result is she annoys my brother, makes him feel like ****, and makes the rest of us feel resentful toward her for doing that to him. We need firefighters and police officers...and I'm so thanksful that other people choose to take on those roles. You should be proud of them! Good luck, take care.
Devil Inside Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Eve, I see that nurturing mother in you showing here. It would be difficult to hear that your children are choosing careers that involve risk. These are also two very noble professions. They have chosen to commit themselves to the safety of others...you should be very proud. My children are still young. However, I imagine if they came to me as young adults and told me they chose these careers I would tell them that even though they know that I will worry about their safety...I support them. I am sure they expect you to worry, which is probably why they told their father first. Look, you cannot choose their career for them, all you can do is let them know how much you are proud of them, and how much you support them.
Author Eve Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 After graduating college my brother promptly enlisted in the army as an MP. Obviously everyone knew that meant he would be going to war. No one was happy about his decision. We don't want him to get hurt, and we don't want him to see some of the things he will/has seen and done. But he's an adult and it's his decision. Once that decision is made, all you can do is show them support. They're going to be going through some tough training, job stress, etc. So support them, rather than adding to their stress by making them feel like you're unsupportive, disappointed, unhappy, etc., whichever applies to you. My mother says that she chose the "follow your heart" route, but it's painfully obvious to everyone else, including my brother, that she didn't, and the end result is she annoys my brother, makes him feel like ****, and makes the rest of us feel resentful toward her for doing that to him. We need firefighters and police officers...and I'm so thanksful that other people choose to take on those roles. You should be proud of them! Good luck, take care. Thanks for the responses and thanks Lonestock for the offer of a chat. I may take you up on the offer in time regarding aspects of training etc. Not doing too well at the moment to talk though. Well, they are both sure about trying for this (they are nearly 18 and nearly 21 years old) so I will help them with their applications and to get ready for interviews.. but I dont think I am strong enough to lead on this one. I fear that I may end up just like New Agains Mum. I did ok today though.. no guilt trips. I will of course keep my chin up in public, cry in the shower ... and pray. I cant bear this.. didnt see it coming at all. Not one bit. I feel like a hypocrite when I look at the signature that I put up last night. ... but thanks for listening... Chin up. Take care, Eve xx
Boundary Problem Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 We have to let our sons be men. Yes, it means we let go. Anyone we love, we let go. Let them make their own choices.
Author Eve Posted December 13, 2009 Author Posted December 13, 2009 We have to let our sons be men. Yes, it means we let go. Anyone we love, we let go. Let them make their own choices. Yes, this is true and they understand that there is going to be a period of adjustment for everyone. I will ensure that any questioning I do is supportive and valid. So, I have calmed down somewhat since yesterday. Gosh, parenting is really hard sometimes. ... but this isnt about me. Both boys have good people skills are resourceful and possess a strong sense of Justice. I have to show them that I believe in them, dont I?. Still, Hubby seems to be taking the lead on this one as I am still quite shaky. At least they want to do something valuable. That has to be commended. Eventually I will get over myself. I have told them that they had better make sound decisions whilst on the job or wherever they are in the world, I will come and rescue them.. now that would be embarrassing!! Take care, Eve xx
woodsfield Posted December 13, 2009 Posted December 13, 2009 my son is only four so i won't have this problem for a while, but you have every right to be worried....as my mother always said (and still does); it is her job to worry. all the above is great advice but i would add one point. many people take risks every day by commuting in horribly dangerous conditions. some people live in horribly dangerous areas. we all take risks by waking up in the morning. peaceofficers and firefighters do have dangerous jobs but they are trained extensively, and for the most part, very well. they do take a risk every day that they might not come home at the end of it, but don't we all? their risks are more "controlled" and calculated than others. good luck to you and your boys, eve! they are fine young MEN for choosing such an honorable career.
Author Eve Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 Yes Woodsfield, there are definately risks within most things that we do! I now have a clearer picture of those risks and the training that our boys would undergo and thankfully have stopped shaking. Anyhow, youngest boy is now looking at joining the Police Cadets as a taster in the New Year and we are beginning the reading for the application process that Firefighters must go through for the older one. All is calm again. The main thing that bothered me was thinking about people who dont care about anything and my boys intervening in those situations. Obviously I would like to see them continue to grow and couldnt fathom that they could end up giving their lives in such situations. I have concluded that noone can probably fathom such a thing and what matters is the spirit that they carry with them into such situations ... as they do on a daily basis. At the end of the day who can say who is more worthy in situations of danger? They have cool heads and are pretty sharp people and yes, the training does look to be highly intensive. Anyhow they may change their minds! .. though I doubt it. We will give things a go and see what happens. Same as anything else really. Feeling far, far, far better. Take Care, Eve xx
Boundary Problem Posted December 14, 2009 Posted December 14, 2009 Yes Woodsfield, there are definately risks within most things that we do! The main thing that bothered me was thinking about people who dont care about anything and my boys intervening in those situations. Obviously I would like to see them continue to grow and couldnt fathom that they could end up giving their lives in such situations. I have concluded that noone can probably fathom such a thing and what matters is the spirit that they carry with them into such situations ... as they do on a daily basis. At the end of the day who can say who is more worthy in situations of danger? They have cool heads and are pretty sharp people and yes, the training does look to be highly intensive. Hi Eve, I think that getting in a car and driving in a busy urban city is dangerous and so there are risks every time anyone goes out the front door. I think you have the utmost courage in the situation you face, but they are men and we have to let go. Protecting us and society is what they do. You just hug them a little tighter each time, you don't let bickering interfere in your relationship with them and you tell them you love them, no matter what. Because the reality is that each time you say 'goodbye' - it could be the last. That is the reality. I think that people have the utmost respect for firemen and policemen and I think people show that to them every day (except for the criminals!). Anyways our lives in society would be nasty, brutish and short without law and order and protection from harm. So really without men like your sons, you and I would not be able to go about the business of our lives. Men like your sons make the world function. You should be very proud of them. But yes letting go is oh so hard.
Author Eve Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 Hi Eve, I think that people have the utmost respect for firemen and policemen and I think people show that to them every day (except for the criminals!). But yes letting go is oh so hard. H'mmm, looking at how calm they both are I would say that as well as the comaradery thing, I do think that they are very deliberately chosing these careers because of the increased 'pullability' factor that comes with it; women love a man in uniform. They know exactly what they are doing... 'Letting go' isnt even funny. I have just about managed it with the oldest girl going to Uni. It seems like just the other day they were falling asleep whilst trying to wait up for Santa and now my babies are nearly all grown. I cant really protect them anymore but do trust them to take care of themselves and definately trust them to take care of others. Anyhow, Hubby seems to be dealing with this newness in true male fashion.. they are going to a football match to 'celebrate'. What football has to do with any of this, I really dont know. He is really proud of them and is my anchor within all of this. I havent told any of my friends or the Grand Parents as yet. I'll let them tell them in their own time. Too many opinions can spoil motivation sometimes. Chin up. Thanks again for all the comments. I am back to my normal happy self. Take care, Eve xx
Tayla Posted December 16, 2009 Posted December 16, 2009 Eve, may I commend you for your strength and pure honesty. Who ever said we had to like the choices our soon to be adult children make? Here is my take- Be as honest with them as you have been here. Sit down when the time is right and go over both your concerns and areas where you know they have strength for the job field. Just as they have the right to free choice, you have the right as a parent to express yourself openly and with concerns. They will respect you for that more. Can you imagine a kids re-action of "gee I told my mom and she just nodded with indifference and non chalence". Sometimes we still deserve the right to guide them in their decisions knowing we gave sound advise and addressed the concerns realistically. Once the discussion is heard from both sides I think you'll find a sense of peace in yourself. Ohh as another poster said, you'll always worry about your children, but you'll do so knowing you both spoke up. Keeping it hidden isn't the answer, being diplomatic is Best to you!
Meaplus3 Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 I happen to have a 30 something brother who is an EMT.. and volunteer fireman.. and he loves his job. He has never had any problems. To me this type of wrok is a very noble profession. Mea:)
Author Eve Posted December 17, 2009 Author Posted December 17, 2009 I happen to have a 30 something brother who is an EMT.. and volunteer fireman.. and he loves his job. He has never had any problems. To me this type of wrok is a very noble profession. Mea:) May I ask if there were any problems at the start with regard to reactions from parents etc? I have found out a lot about the Health and Safety side to being a Fireman in the last few days. They do have many safety precautions in place and the equipment is good quality. I am absolutely shocked by the low wages though! Thanks, Take Care, Eve xx P.s Thanks Tayla for your comments. Our boys and I are cool about things now. Of course I may still panic in the future but .. hey!
Meaplus3 Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 May I ask if there were any problems at the start with regard to reactions from parents etc? No. My parents were just glad he finally started making something of his life. I have found out a lot about the Health and Safety side to being a Fireman in the last few days. They do have many safety precautions in place and the equipment is good quality. I am absolutely shocked by the low wages though! Yes. Safety is #1 from what I gather from my Brother. Not sure what the wages are like. Mea:)
TheLoneSock Posted December 17, 2009 Posted December 17, 2009 (edited) May I ask if there were any problems at the start with regard to reactions from parents etc? I have found out a lot about the Health and Safety side to being a Fireman in the last few days. They do have many safety precautions in place and the equipment is good quality. I am absolutely shocked by the low wages though! Thanks, Take Care, Eve xx P.s Thanks Tayla for your comments. Our boys and I are cool about things now. Of course I may still panic in the future but .. hey! Eve, what they are paid is entirely based on where you live. How old is your son that wants to be a fireman? What has he done so far in this decision process, as far as pursuing it? What city and state do you live in? (PM me if you want on this) What are your fears or concerns about this? What all has he told you about/what does he know about firefighting? Edited December 17, 2009 by TheLoneSock
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