Girls got my my head spinning!

[iamlegend008]

I'm in college and have been around the block. Pretty much all the girls I hook up with revolve around sex and alocohol, making it hard to establish a genuine relationship. I was in a relationship from when I was 16 to 19. I broke up with her to allow myself to be with other girls. I've never completely gotten over her but finally met a girl a couple months ago who I actually started to have real feelings towards.

We met at a party and just made out. wasn't a big deal. She started texting me and eventually we hung out sober all night. She only the 2nd girl i've been able to hang out with, without alcohol being involved. It was a nice feeling I hadn't felt in a while.

She kept texting me and started to like me alot. I even got kind of scared of how much she was liking me. When we finally had sex (2 weeks of hanging out which is a long time for me) I was ready to dump her. For some reason, I couldn't do it cause I didn't want to hurt her. She is the nicest, sweetest girl i've ever met. I actually started to like her as we kept having good, sober sex. I think the sex got me attached and now I started liking her as much as she liked me.

Not knowing what I was getting myself into, I started being the traditional asswhole that i usually am to try and push her away. I started becoming controlling and stopped treating her nicely like I previously was. She doesn't have the best rep in the college area but I decided to give her a chance even though my friends kept telling me to cut it. I figured since everyone seems to think i'm better then her, i can treat her however I want. I pushed her over the edge one night. The next morning she came over and said she can't deal with me anymore. I told her the door is right behind her and she walked out.

I went over to her house later to go and talk to her. She told me that she can't see us ever being together and we're not compatible so it's better to just end things now. I said okay and left.

The next night she came over at 4 in the morning completely trashed and basically tried to rape me after she just dumped me. We had sex the next morning and spent the day together. I thought everything was fine as we hung out at nighttime for the next 2 nights but didn't have sex. We didn't talk for a couple days and I got trashed last night and told her how I felt. She said she can't see us together. This morning she came over again and we hooked up but she doesn't want to be with me?! I love being with this girl and made myself more vulnerable then I ever have been with anyone else. I don't know what to do. I really like her and don't think i can find anyone else like her living the lifestyle that i have.

I know i can't chase after her as she's the one who dumped me. Am I just supposed to allow her to keep coming over whenever she wants and keep messing with my head? I don't want to cut her off as I like her way to much but I know I should. I think I did to much damage insulting her a number of times and made her feel like ****. Did i do to much damage for her to ever take me serious again? I miss her and feel depressed. Guess i'll just have to get over it and go back to my old lifestyle. Cuddling with her is so much better tho. So frusterating!!

[stayingstrong12]

you shouldnt have treated her like ****..and u dont have to go back to ur old lifestyle just get ur life together and then when u find a girl that u have feelings for again dont push her away

[hoping2heal]

I'm in college and have been around the block. Pretty much all the girls I hook up with revolve around sex and alocohol, making it hard to establish a genuine relationship. I was in a relationship from when I was 16 to 19. I broke up with her to allow myself to be with other girls. I've never completely gotten over her but finally met a girl a couple months ago who I actually started to have real feelings towards.

We met at a party and just made out. wasn't a big deal. She started texting me and eventually we hung out sober all night. She only the 2nd girl i've been able to hang out with, without alcohol being involved. It was a nice feeling I hadn't felt in a while.

She kept texting me and started to like me alot. I even got kind of scared of how much she was liking me. When we finally had sex (2 weeks of hanging out which is a long time for me) I was ready to dump her. For some reason, I couldn't do it cause I didn't want to hurt her. She is the nicest, sweetest girl i've ever met. I actually started to like her as we kept having good, sober sex. I think the sex got me attached and now I started liking her as much as she liked me.

Not knowing what I was getting myself into, I started being the traditional asswhole that i usually am to try and push her away. I started becoming controlling and stopped treating her nicely like I previously was. She doesn't have the best rep in the college area but I decided to give her a chance even though my friends kept telling me to cut it. I figured since everyone seems to think i'm better then her, i can treat her however I want. I pushed her over the edge one night. The next morning she came over and said she can't deal with me anymore. I told her the door is right behind her and she walked out.

I went over to her house later to go and talk to her. She told me that she can't see us ever being together and we're not compatible so it's better to just end things now. I said okay and left.

The next night she came over at 4 in the morning completely trashed and basically tried to rape me after she just dumped me. We had sex the next morning and spent the day together. I thought everything was fine as we hung out at nighttime for the next 2 nights but didn't have sex. We didn't talk for a couple days and I got trashed last night and told her how I felt. She said she can't see us together. This morning she came over again and we hooked up but she doesn't want to be with me?! I love being with this girl and made myself more vulnerable then I ever have been with anyone else. I don't know what to do. I really like her and don't think i can find anyone else like her living the lifestyle that i have.

I know i can't chase after her as she's the one who dumped me. Am I just supposed to allow her to keep coming over whenever she wants and keep messing with my head? I don't want to cut her off as I like her way to much but I know I should. I think I did to much damage insulting her a number of times and made her feel like ****. Did i do to much damage for her to ever take me serious again? I miss her and feel depressed. Guess i'll just have to get over it and go back to my old lifestyle. Cuddling with her is so much better tho. So frusterating!!

 

 

Is there a reason you typically need alchohol involved to engage in sex? You wanted to push her away, why is that? Where does your fear of intimacy stem from?

[ADF]

Frankly, I think you need to grow up a little and wean yourself away from the drunken, predatory, hook-up culture you seem to have spent most of your dating life in. You find a woman you really like, and it bothers you? You treat her like dirt to impress your bros? Gimma break.

[funktastic]

I agree with ADF, you have alot of growing up to do!

 

Funk

[iamlegend008]

I agree with you guys in the sense that i do have a lot of growing up to do.

 

There is no reason as to why i need alcohol in order to engage in sex. It just so happens that I drink a lot as do many other college kids. Alcohol makes people horny which ultimately leads to sex. It is fun to drink and have sex with girls. Much easier then actually chasing girls and trying to impress them only to find out you're not compatible with them, which is exactly what happened in this case. What my peers don't know about me, is how emotional i can get when i don't get what i want. This is the area that i need to work on; learn from my mistakes, and move on with my life (not an easy thing to do)

 

There were no downsides to our relationship until I started hanging out with her while drinking. When i drink, I am a very straightforward person and don't give a **** about my actions. I let my friend's inappropiate comments get to my head. I am an extremely mellow individual and pride myself on not having any enemies. I don't give anyone a reason to dislike me other then girls when i'm drunk. When my friends started attacking me through her, it got to my head and blamed her for it. I thought i didn't care about what others think but i guess i was wrong. I deffenately have some maturing to do. So the reason for pushing her away is my own insecurity of people judging me through someone else's previous actions.

 

Fear of Intimacy stems from breaking up with ex girlfriend only to want her back a couple months later as I couldn't find anyone who compared with her. When i tried getting her back, i found out she got a new boyfriend.It was hard for me to accept the fact that she was moving on while I wasn't. She ended up moving a long ways away and refused to speak to me for months. When she broke up with her new boyfriend she finally contacted me and she came and visited. It was an amazing visit and i got really confused. i know a long distant relationshiip was out of the question so we have basically tried moviing on with our lives. She visited over summer and we had an awesome time over summer. It was just like the good, old days. not a worry in the world. we both have extremely strong feelings towards one another but once again she had to go back to where she moved. I love the feeling of having someone you can always talk to about anything. I went back on with my life and decided to buy a plane ticket to go visit her as a birthday present for her. I contacted her a couple days before her birthday and she told me she didn't want me to go up anymore and made up an excuse as to why. i knew she met someone else and she hurt me once again. I guess this is where my fear of intimacy comes from. I need to get over it.....

 

Oh and this girl i'm kind of stuck on right now.. It's her birthday today and she's having a big party downtown. I'm not going despite her calling me a couple hours ago to make sure I was going. I'm tired of her playing with my head. i want a relationship with her and she doesn't want one. I know she used to as she brought it up but i told her i couldn't be in a relationship right now. Do you think she might change her mind? She said we're incompatible and can't see us being togehter but still wants to hook up with me and hang out? My plan right now is to basically avoid her and get over it but i can't deny the fact that i have feelings for her. I'm probly going to drink tonight and go to a party. If i can score, i think i'm over her.. hopefully. I hate girls and there games!

[hoping2heal]

I agree with you guys in the sense that i do have a lot of growing up to do.

 

There is no reason as to why i need alcohol in order to engage in sex. It just so happens that I drink a lot as do many other college kids. Alcohol makes people horny which ultimately leads to sex. It is fun to drink and have sex with girls. Much easier then actually chasing girls and trying to impress them only to find out you're not compatible with them, which is exactly what happened in this case. What my peers don't know about me, is how emotional i can get when i don't get what i want. This is the area that i need to work on; learn from my mistakes, and move on with my life (not an easy thing to do)

 

Okay, yes many college kids drink like fish and have random sex with lots of people.

 

There were no downsides to our relationship until I started hanging out with her while drinking. When i drink, I am a very straightforward person and don't give a **** about my actions.

 

If your behavior when you drink is calleous, and you allow it to be out of control and it destroys some of your relationships with people, I wouldn't keep trekking down that road.

 

I let my friend's inappropiate comments get to my head. I am an extremely mellow individual and pride myself on not having any enemies. I don't give anyone a reason to dislike me other then girls when i'm drunk. When my friends started attacking me through her, it got to my head and blamed her for it. I thought i didn't care about what others think but i guess i was wrong. I deffenately have some maturing to do. So the reason for pushing her away is my own insecurity of people judging me through someone else's previous actions.

 

Yes, it does seem you care a lot about what others think about you. Most Everyone does in some form or another, however letting it rule and dictate your decisions will only bring you grief.

 

Fear of Intimacy stems from breaking up with ex girlfriend only to want her back a couple months later as I couldn't find anyone who compared with her. When i tried getting her back, i found out she got a new boyfriend.It was hard for me to accept the fact that she was moving on while I wasn't. She ended up moving a long ways away and refused to speak to me for months. When she broke up with her new boyfriend she finally contacted me and she came and visited. It was an amazing visit and i got really confused. i know a long distant relationshiip was out of the question so we have basically tried moviing on with our lives. She visited over summer and we had an awesome time over summer. It was just like the good, old days. not a worry in the world. we both have extremely strong feelings towards one another but once again she had to go back to where she moved. I love the feeling of having someone you can always talk to about anything. I went back on with my life and decided to buy a plane ticket to go visit her as a birthday present for her. I contacted her a couple days before her birthday and she told me she didn't want me to go up anymore and made up an excuse as to why. i knew she met someone else and she hurt me once again. I guess this is where my fear of intimacy comes from. I need to get over it.....

 

Sometimes getting over the fear of intimacy starts one step at a time. For you, that would mean resisting the urge to RUN, even though you feel it. It would progress from there. That doesn't mean every girl is going to be right for you, but you need to give them a chance at least so you can begin learning about what you want.

 

Oh and this girl i'm kind of stuck on right now.. It's her birthday today and she's having a big party downtown. I'm not going despite her calling me a couple hours ago to make sure I was going. I'm tired of her playing with my head. i want a relationship with her and she doesn't want one. I know she used to as she brought it up but i told her i couldn't be in a relationship right now. Do you think she might change her mind? She said we're incompatible and can't see us being togehter but still wants to hook up with me and hang out? My plan right now is to basically avoid her and get over it but i can't deny the fact that i have feelings for her. I'm probly going to drink tonight and go to a party. If i can score, i think i'm over her.. hopefully. I hate girls and there games!

 

Okay, why are you even talking about girls and their games? What about YOURS? Imagine what girls go through to put up with YOUR behavior as of late? She wants to be with you- and you begin treating her poorly, push her away, now you want her back? You aren't going to go to her party...but you want know if she will date you?

[iamlegend008]

hoping2heal,

thanks for the advice.

thre reason for not going to her birthday party is because in the past week we've still been hooking up.

I whispered to her that I want her back once and she didn't respond. I brought it up again when I got drunk and she told me she can't see the relationship going anywhere but she's still willing to hook up. I don't think it's the right move on my part to allow her to continue hooking up with me. I want more then just hooking up and she's told me a number of times that she just doesn't see that happening. She's using me as a security blanket without actually having true feelings for me. that's not fair for me at all. Maybe I'm selfish? But i've done the exact same thing to other girls and now it's carma time. What good can come out of me allowing her to continue hooking up with me? From personal experience I can say, Nothing. She's using me for sex and comfort. Something I've been guilty of myself and don't want to be a fool.

I don't like to get screwed with and she is screwing with me. I would have considered going but the truth is I let my brother borrow my fake i.d. this weekend cuz he went to vegas. orginally I told him No but when the girl told me she can't be more then hook up buddies anymore, I got angry, called my brother and told him he could use my i.d. he picked it up the next morning at 7 in the morning. I thought it was over at this point but then the girl shows up at 11 in the afternoon to hang out. She again brought up the point that she can't take me serious anymore just incase i didn't remember it from the previous drunk night, then we hooked up. If she doesn't take me serious why would i go to her party? In some sick way, i'm hoping she realizes that she does have feelings for me and i could be a nice guy. She won't realize that if i keep being her bitch

[iamlegend008]

Girls want what they can't have.

Treat girls like dirt, they stick like mud

 

2 lines that have worked out well for me.

 

I get way more girls then most "nice guys" cause they always finish last.

 

And that's the truth

[hoping2heal]

Girls want what they can't have.

Treat girls like dirt, they stick like mud

 

Um really? Because last I checked, a girl was using YOU for a booty call and at HER convienience. Also, last time I checked there were um..NO girls sticking around for you.

 

2 lines that have worked out well for me.

 

See above.

 

I get way more girls then most "nice guys" cause they always finish last.

 

And that's the truth

 

First of all, let's set a few things straight. Yes, you get more girls interested in you than the guy who has no spine. That's because the guy with no spine who is a so called "nice guy" is boring as hell. Seriously, a guy who I can stand over, squat and crap on and he's like "oh that's okay, no problem" Yeah...ZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZZ. The only one who puts up with someone who treats her like **** anymore is 20 going on 14. It's really not a compliment that there are girls too immature and un-self aware that they find it amusing to put up with your antics.

 

However, you don't GET anyone. You get people to have sex with you. You don't have anyone that knows you or genuinely cares about you.

[iamlegend008]

I agree with everything you said. However, there are exceptions to everything. The girls around here are superficial and I strongly believe the only way a guy can get good looking girls is through using my antics. Despite me not showing up to her birthday, she called me at 10 in the morning the night following her birthday. She said she was at my front door so I went to open it. I spent the whole day with her; took her out for sushi, massaged her, and railed the **** out of her throughout the day. We're back to being together and everything seems to be good. I'm treating her nicely and my antics did exactly what I wanted them to do, which is get her to come back to me for a 2nd chance. Now I just need to watch what i say when i get drunk and hopefully she sticks around to actually care about me genuinely.

 

I know you probly don't agree with some of my statements, but the fact of the matter is that the girls i'm into like a guy who is kind of a dick. I just need to learn where to draw the line.

[LovelyDaze]

I agree with everything you said. However, there are exceptions to everything. The girls around here are superficial and I strongly believe the only way a guy can get good looking girls is through using my antics. Despite me not showing up to her birthday, she called me at 10 in the morning the night following her birthday. She said she was at my front door so I went to open it. I spent the whole day with her; took her out for sushi, massaged her, and railed the **** out of her throughout the day. We're back to being together and everything seems to be good. I'm treating her nicely and my antics did exactly what I wanted them to do, which is get her to come back to me for a 2nd chance. Now I just need to watch what i say when i get drunk and hopefully she sticks around to actually care about me genuinely.

 

I know you probly don't agree with some of my statements, but the fact of the matter is that the girls i'm into like a guy who is kind of a dick. I just need to learn where to draw the line.

 

 

iamlegend008, Sounds like to me that you are trying to grow up, eh?

Very good.

 

See, I was doing the same as you. My ex was going back and forth until he took a trip to Vegas and decided to be engaged to a girl he met out there after only TWO WEEKS!

That was my wake up call.

As we also work together, he has also been trying to get back with me by saying that he feels I am still the one and "whenever" he dumps his new fiancee', he hopes I will still be there.

And that was my hot cup of coffee along with the wake up call!

 

My ex is not a grown-up. He's an immature and selfish brat. He won't change for me, for the fiancee' or for himself. Therefore, every relationship he touches has been and will be doomed to fail miserably!

 

Sounds familiar already? You seem to recognize the mess that is your relationship skills and want to make a change..good for you!

Try taking a break to find out what type of relationship you truly believe will last and that you will be happy in. THEN, find a girl that is nothing like the ones you've dated. Give another type of girl a chance. See if your life doesn't improve from there.

[iamlegend008]

It seems like you both were playing a game of cat and mouse in trying to reject the other before you got too close and were hurt.

 

Of course I don't know for sure, but it seems as if it would take a miracle to fix your current situation and to actually be together emotionally. You both are presenting to each other that you're only really interested physically.

 

If this situation does not work out for you you can always use this as a learning experience.

 

Yes we are interested in each other physically and it does seem doomed for failure. I'm going to keep trying anyway. I've never even given another girl (besides ex)a chance to get to know me the way she has. We make eachother happy and can hang out all day and night without it every being awkard. I do find her incredibly sexy and that was my intitial reason as to getting with her. The more time I spend with her, the more I like her on an emotional level. I hope she feels the same way but she's been pretty much keeping her emotions bottled up. After sex this morning she didn't say one word. I asked her what's wrong and she said she's ambivalent. I responded with "Oh. same old ****." and went back to bed.. Everything's been fine all day. I'm just going to keep being patient while not looking desperate. I need to earn her trust back.

 

LovelyDaze,

Yes I'm trying to grow up! While I could keep partying all the time, and hooking up with girls I don't even know anything about, i'm getting over it. i want more!

I'm sorry to hear about your ex. It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants yet. He's engaged and says he wants you to be with you when he dumps her?! I'm a pretty big asswhole but he seems more like a dumass. No offense...