Ashbash11 Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 After a long break from LS, I am back.. with questions, as always. Brief background for those of you who don't know my complicated situation: Boyfriend lives 3,000 miles away (Boston ----> California distance). He's an astronomer, so he works nights.. He works and lives at an observatory in Southern CA. I am a graduate student in Boston, on a normal schedule. I am finishing school this year, and I plan to move out there to be with him this summer (July or so?) I hope to do my internship out there, and eventually get a job. We've been doing long distance for almost 2 years now.. It's been a very hard road. Harder for me, I think, because he was the one who moved. I am having doubts again..... My entire family and ALL of my friends live on the east coast.. I am leaving everyone and everything that is familiar to me to be with this guy. We are in love, and I think he's worth it most of the time, but I keep having this gut feeling that I am doing the wrong thing. THat I will be miserable out there.. lonely.... miss everyone too much... Should I trust my gut instincts? I keep having them, but pushing them away, and chalking it up to just being nervous about the transition. My biggest fear is that my BF works A LOT, and he won't be around that much, it seems. He can come down and visit me during the week, but he basically lives at the observatory. We can get an apartment close to it, but he works on the top of a mountain, basically... so, I will be alone quite a bit. So.. do I just ignore the gut feelings? Are they just normal worries? Maybe. I am feeling like I am sacrificing too much for one person. Has anyone else ever felt this way? He hasn't made any sacrifices for me.. he somewhat selfishly moved away, without thinking of our relationship, and he's done what's best for him.. hasn't really accomodated me in any way.. I sometimes feel like I am "chasing" after him. I feel foolish, sometimes, I guess. I also feel resentful, because I am giving up so much for him, and he hasn't given up anything for me. I am afraid I will resent him even more if I move out there and I am unhappy. I am not sure what to do. I have one semester left of school in Boston, and I was thinking of taking a break from my LDR for a few months, to just explore what makes me happy and what is best for me. I feel like I've gotten swept away in everything and I haven't really had a chance to figure out what's best for me, and if this is what I want. I've gotten too wrapped up in the LDR, maybe... I am feeling sort of lost, I guess. I don't want to break up with my boyfriend, of course, but I feel like I've lost sight of what's important to me, in the midst of planning to move there, and trying to get enough practicum hours to make it to California (they require more hours than Massachusetts). I've been working toward this goal of moving there, and I feel like I've lost sight of what I need. Does that make sense? What are others' thoughts?
Flavour Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Gut feelings should be listened to. Have you ever spoken with him about that? Because IF you feel you cannot, IF you are walking on eggshells when you talk to him, well......this is surely a bad sign.
Els Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Would you be able to return whenever you want if you do go there and give it a try? What do you stand to lose? I personally would definitely give it a try if I could go back with nothing to lose if it didn't work out.
Author Ashbash11 Posted December 12, 2009 Author Posted December 12, 2009 Elswyth- Yes, I would be able to return after a year.. I would need to complete my internship first, and then I could feasibly go anywhere I wanted. I think you are right, there's nothing to lose if I go to CA... I guess I am just afraid of what will happen during that year that I am gone. I guess a year isn't that long, right? I can probably manage.
Els Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Well, if you think about it logically, it should at least be an improvement from where you are now. And if it isn't, it isn't irreversible, you could chalk it up to a valuable life experience and move on with little loss.
ann09 Posted December 15, 2009 Posted December 15, 2009 Normally I'd say go with your gut. But - are you in love with him? Miss him like crazy? Would u do anything to be with him? If u answered yes to all of these - then go. If not, rethink your decision.
Author Ashbash11 Posted December 18, 2009 Author Posted December 18, 2009 Ann09- Yes, I AM in love with him.. I DO miss him like crazy... I haven't doubted that I am in love with him from the beginning. I guess I was just wondering how much I would be willing to give up for love.. I guess most people would give up a lot.
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