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I was ok before she came into my life

JaggedRoad

By JaggedRoad
in Coping

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JaggedRoad Established Member

JaggedRoad

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I can't say that I was completely happy before I met her, but I was ok. I enjoyed my hobbies and only had to worry about myself. Then she came along and my world changed. I wasn't prepared or equipped to be in a relationship, but I learned things along the way. I can't say I tried my best, but I did what I could. For one reason or another, I thought things were going to be ok after a rough 10 months. Boy was I wrong...

 

It has been over 4 months and things did get better at one point, but I'm in the pits once again. I have really extreme mood swings and I'm afraid I may be bipolar.

 

I was invited to share an apartment with 3 other friends, but I think it may be best to live alone once I move out.

 

I was under the assumption that I had always been empathetic, but recent events made me realize that I may be the complete opposite of an empath. It may be the lack of social interaction during my high school years, but it's painfully obvious that I don't understand people at all. I may have at one point, but it's the complete opposite now and has been for at least a year. I had been numb to emotions to the point where I had to force myself to cry just to be sure that I was still capable. It wasn't until the break-up that I was actually able to shed more than one tear. But now, I feel like I'm starting to become numb again. Maybe not towards my own feelings, but towards the feelings of others.

 

I used to have a lot of good qualities, but it seems like my flaws have taken control and thrived in the past year. I think my attorney friend said it best, "You used to be responsible. What happened to you?"

 

I never was 100% responsible, but I can say that I've become 100% irresonsible lately.

 

 

EDIT: ARGHHHHH I'm still haunted by all the memories and all things she said to me while we were still together @___@

 

I want to get lobotomized because it feels like this is never going to go away.

Edited by JaggedRoad
GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

Posted
Posted

Jag don't be to hard on yourself, it has only been a few months. It comes in waves, with an occasional tsunami.

 

Remember it kicks everyone's A$$, it leaves you feel like a shell of your former self. It distorts up you perspective at every angle; the past, the present, and the future. Be careful not to try to define yourself while in the middle of it.

 

The current season does not help a bit, hang in there your not alone.

health Established Member

health

Posted
Posted
I can't say that I was completely happy before I met her, but I was ok. I enjoyed my hobbies and only had to worry about myself. Then she came along and my world changed. I wasn't prepared or equipped to be in a relationship, but I learned things along the way. I can't say I tried my best, but I did what I could. For one reason or another, I thought things were going to be ok after a rough 10 months. Boy was I wrong...

 

It has been over 4 months and things did get better at one point, but I'm in the pits once again. I have really extreme mood swings and I'm afraid I may be bipolar.

 

I was invited to share an apartment with 3 other friends, but I think it may be best to live alone once I move out.

 

I was under the assumption that I had always been empathetic, but recent events made me realize that I may be the complete opposite of an empath. It may be the lack of social interaction during my high school years, but it's painfully obvious that I don't understand people at all. I may have at one point, but it's the complete opposite now and has been for at least a year. I had been numb to emotions to the point where I had to force myself to cry just to be sure that I was still capable. It wasn't until the break-up that I was actually able to shed more than one tear. But now, I feel like I'm starting to become numb again. Maybe not towards my own feelings, but towards the feelings of others.

 

I used to have a lot of good qualities, but it seems like my flaws have taken control and thrived in the past year. I think my attorney friend said it best, "You used to be responsible. What happened to you?"

 

I never was 100% responsible, but I can say that I've become 100% irresonsible lately.

 

 

EDIT: ARGHHHHH I'm still haunted by all the memories and all things she said to me while we were still together @___@

 

I want to get lobotomized because it feels like this is never going to go away.

 

You're a real dude. I felt the same thing. Just focus on bettering yourself as much as possible. Your good, socially you're probably more heightened than others cause your sensitive to their needs. You're good, don't let anyone tell you different!

 

I just came back from groceries walking in the snow. It's almost a year since the break up - 8 months of nc. I was muttering to myself about her...I'm angry she decided to not be as commited as me etc...then I said I'm healing I'm doing better. It's tough. Even after a while. I was with mine for over 5 years..how about you?

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JaggedRoad Established Member

JaggedRoad

Posted
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Almost 3 1/2 years of LDR. She ended 4 months before I was going to visit her =/

 

I don't think I'm sensitive to people's needs... I was tutoring a girl at my college the other day and I apparently insulted her writing without realizing it. To make it worse, I kicked her out of the writing center when she accused me of not doing my job. She was a bitch, but I still feel bad for unintentionally insulting her writing (even though it was bad). Bleh...

McGrupp Established Member

McGrupp

Posted
Posted

**** it...my buddies gf just grabbed my cock. life is hard sometimes

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JaggedRoad Established Member

JaggedRoad

Posted
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My buddy grabbed mine when we we on a rollercoaster... He was only supposed to hold my hand because he was scared, but he grabbed the wrong thing x_x

mickleb Established Member

mickleb

Posted
Posted

MG and JR - you two are brilliant.

 

JR - I think you are TOO empathic. You certainly displayed nothing less than full consideration for her feelings throughout your quest to find 'the truth'. I think what can happen, sometimes, with sensitive people, is that they can go through life trying their hardest to think about others and be kind and good, and in doing so, neglect to do this for themselves. Occasionally, this produces moments of hostility as there is an urge to 'go on strike' in protest of constantly giving out and receiving nothing.

 

The example you gave above may or may not be a case of this. I don't know what was said to your student, exactly. Regardless, I wouldn't think about it too much - like you stated: her writing was bad and she was a bitch. Nuff said. I'm sure you were professional about it.

 

Your main trouble, it seems to me, is to be SO much harder on yourself, than you are to others. You hate to see the bad in other people but are constantly analysing your own blood for a trace of it.

 

More objectivity please! You are being completely irrational in your judgement of yourself. Please remember to look at all the generous, kind and loving behaviour you exhibit so much of the time when you feel the need to sabotage your character again. To not do so would be, simply, foolish.

 

x

GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

Posted
Posted
My buddy grabbed mine when we we on a rollercoaster... He was only supposed to hold my hand because he was scared, but he grabbed the wrong thing x_x

 

At least your getting a little...:laugh:

DustySaltus Established Member

DustySaltus

Posted
Posted

McG, JR..this is what your friends need to be doing. let the hype machine begin:

 

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