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Feel like the biggest failure.... in life...

Brightmoon

By Brightmoon
in Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being

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Brightmoon Established Member

Brightmoon

Posted
Posted

I really feel a failure.

 

I know I have some stuff going for me. I have a job... I own my own house. I worry about keeping those in the present climate. Other than that I feel like I am the biggest failure.

 

I turned 50 last week... There I said it.

I have never really even had a relationship... not really..

 

I have zero confidence and I am trying to think positive after a lifetime of thinking negative.

 

I had a very un-nurtured childhood. I I was told and treated as if I were unloveable and in the way. I have never been able to shake it off..

I have had therapy and really I only got fleeting glimpses of feeling worthy.

 

In my heart of hearts... I feel I should not be alive. That I am a waste of resources.

 

I know that my thinking these things manifest them, but I am struggling.

Feel so lost. My sig is a quote that I am trying to live by. I am trying to keep going through hell.

 

I needed to express my pain is all. Needed to be honest and say it how it is. I feel so ashamed to have let my childhood affect me so much..

 

I just needed to say all this. Needed to be honest.

deux ex machina Established Member

deux ex machina

Posted
Posted
...I needed to express my pain is all. Needed to be honest and say it how it is. I feel so ashamed to have let my childhood affect me so much..

 

I just needed to say all this. Needed to be honest.

 

 

From De Profundis, by Oscar Wilde:

 

...What is said, however, by myself or by others, matters little. The important thing, the thing that lies before me, the thing that I have to do, if the brief remainder of my days is not to be maimed, marred, and incomplete, is to absorb into my nature all that has been done to me, to make it part of me, to accept it without complaint, fear, or reluctance. The supreme vice is shallowness. Whatever is realised is right.

 

 

When first I was put into prison some people advised me to try and forget who I was. It was ruinous advice. It is only by realising what I am that I have found comfort of any kind. Now I am advised by others to try on my release to forget that I have ever been in a prison at all. I know that would be equally fatal. It would mean that I would always be haunted by an intolerable sense of disgrace, and that those things that are meant for me as much as for anybody else - the beauty of the sun and moon, the pageant of the seasons, the music of daybreak and the silence of great nights, the rain falling through the leaves, or the dew creeping over the grass and making it silver - would all be tainted for me, and lose their healing power, and their power of communicating joy. To regret one's own experiences is to arrest one's own development. To deny one's own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one's own life. It is no less than a denial of the soul...

 

<3 ((hugs))

ladyblondie Member

ladyblondie

Posted
Posted

EVeryone is here for a reason, and I know how you feel because I feel at times the way you do, but you need to figure out your purpose in life. Im still working on trying to figure out what my purpose is, but all you can do is find things you enjoy, work on yourself and be willing to keep learning, and meeting others. Its hard, but we are all here for a reason, and you just gotta figure out what your reason is.

Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hugs, Brightmoon. And belated happy 50th :bunny: It's a milestone that not everybody achieves, isn't it so?

 

I'm sorry that you're in so much pain, and that your child experiences were not positive and self-affirming.

I do admire your courage to share what's going on for you, and appreciate you for that.

 

If you're interested in looking at some websites that offer good free articles, eBooks and eCourses:

InnerBonding.com

self-esteem-experts.com/self-esteem-lesson-plan.html

MasteringAlchemy.com/telearchive_fall09.html

 

The last one: Some may consider Jim to be a little (or a LOT) "out there", but I do find him to be very positive and uplifting. He likes to remind that we are each "important, valuable, significant, worthy, deserving and lovable"...and that does include YOU :)

 

Edit: I forgot this article at: SpiritLibrary.com/pamela-kribbe/letting-go-of-your-birth-family

Again, the source is very "new age" -- if that's not your cup of tea, then please just ignore it. If you do find it helpful, you may want to search the other articles by Pamela, on that site.

Edited by Ronni_W
Ross PK Established Member

Ross PK

Posted
Posted

Sorry to hear that OP.

 

Have you thought about anti depressants?

TheLoneSock Established Member

TheLoneSock

Posted
Posted (edited)
I really feel a failure.

 

I know I have some stuff going for me. I have a job... I own my own house. I worry about keeping those in the present climate. Other than that I feel like I am the biggest failure.

 

I turned 50 last week... There I said it.

I have never really even had a relationship... not really..

 

I have zero confidence and I am trying to think positive after a lifetime of thinking negative.

 

I had a very un-nurtured childhood. I I was told and treated as if I were unloveable and in the way. I have never been able to shake it off..

I have had therapy and really I only got fleeting glimpses of feeling worthy.

 

In my heart of hearts... I feel I should not be alive. That I am a waste of resources.

 

I know that my thinking these things manifest them, but I am struggling.

Feel so lost. My sig is a quote that I am trying to live by. I am trying to keep going through hell.

 

I needed to express my pain is all. Needed to be honest and say it how it is. I feel so ashamed to have let my childhood affect me so much..

 

I just needed to say all this. Needed to be honest.

 

Here Bright,

 

 

Also, read some of these - they'll make you feel better.

 

http://www.fmylife.com

Edited by TheLoneSock
added
AirbenderAang New Member

AirbenderAang

Posted
Posted

"If you are going through hell, keep going." I feel for you. It sounds like you are having a really rough time. When you are down in the dumps it is hard to see the way out because it is so different from the present reality. Right now, it sounds like you haven't given up yet. Don't give up now. Remember that keeping moving, often means change.

 

I highly suggest you seek professional help because you sound like you could be clinically depressed. Even if you aren't "clinically depressed". There is still a lot a therapist can do for you. Objectively you are anything but a failure. What you need to do is do some processing and eliminating of all your negative thoughts. A trained therapist can help you correct those self defeating thoughts and help you make positive change in your life.

 

Things I think you should do:

A)Seek professional help

B)Talk about maybe going on anti depressants with a therapist. I was reading a bbc news article about a study on anti-depressants that shows that anti-depressants start working immediately to correct negative thoughts.

c)Develop a self-care routine. Self-care means doing whatever it is that makes you feel good. When we are depressed we forget about what these things are and we let it slip. These are simple things such as baths, haircuts, your favorite hobbies, wearing cologne, eating healthy foods, cleaning...

D) exercise. Daily exercise has been shown to work just as well as anti-depressants in some cases.

E) Reach out to people. Try to set up times to hang out with people. If you have good friends or family members, ask for help. Do social activities.

 

Don't give up, keep moving, change. Hope that helps.

cricketxo New Member

cricketxo

Posted
Posted
I really feel a failure.

 

I know I have some stuff going for me. I have a job... I own my own house. I worry about keeping those in the present climate. Other than that I feel like I am the biggest failure.

 

I turned 50 last week... There I said it.

I have never really even had a relationship... not really..

 

I have zero confidence and I am trying to think positive after a lifetime of thinking negative.

 

I had a very un-nurtured childhood. I I was told and treated as if I were unloveable and in the way. I have never been able to shake it off..

I have had therapy and really I only got fleeting glimpses of feeling worthy.

 

In my heart of hearts... I feel I should not be alive. That I am a waste of resources.

 

I know that my thinking these things manifest them, but I am struggling.

Feel so lost. My sig is a quote that I am trying to live by. I am trying to keep going through hell.

 

I needed to express my pain is all. Needed to be honest and say it how it is. I feel so ashamed to have let my childhood affect me so much..

 

I just needed to say all this. Needed to be honest.

hello i know the felling.i never felt loved.but you just have to have a positive attitute.then life will get better for you.remember you reep what soww.remember jesus loves you.

cricketxo New Member

cricketxo

Posted
Posted

hi i know where you are coming from.i am also lonley but i get out of bed and put a smile on my face and think positive thoughts.thats how i get through the day.just one day at a time.i never had true love of my own in my life.been married.still didnt get the love i so crave.maybe some day if its in the cards for me.only the man above knows whats next for all of us.hope life gets better for you.

god bless:love:

Crusoe Established Member

Crusoe

Posted
Posted

Hi Bright Moon, you replied to me last night, you thanked me, I would now like to thank you too, for being you. For being a stranger, who for a fleeting moment showed appreciation, who showed humilty, humanity and understanding, and who took the time to share a word. How many people in this world can't be bothered to do that? A failure in life? No not you, not by a long shot. You just bared your soul, you just laid yourself open and all anyone I can see is beauty. You understand that? You know the answer, you know the truth, "if you are going through hell, keep going". Dante, Crusoe, Santiago, some of the greatest names in literature, they all did that.

 

Brightmoon, you shine, amongst all these people here, you shine. Thankyou.

Eve Established Member

Eve

Posted
Posted

I hope you can find a way to give to yourself what was denied.

 

I would go with the exercise idea, reading to better yourself and joining various groups.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

  • 3 weeks later...
User Named Member

User Named

Posted
Posted

Hi. I agree about the antidepressants. You should definitely get screened for depression. Exercise is, as the other poster said, also good. I have depression and low self-esteem. I also had a rotten childhood. I've tried classes for the self esteem problem, with little success. But I read a book recently by Cheri Huber called Making A Change for Good: A Guide to Compassioante Self-Discipline that actually changed the way I think about myself. She has written a lot of books on self-acceptance. Here's the link to the one I mentioned:

http://www.worldcat.org/oclc/71210331&referer=brief_results

 

I'll be thinking of you.

Lovelybird Established Member

Lovelybird

Posted
Posted

Hi, Brightmoon, sorry for what you are going through

 

But you don't have to stay in this situation. You can change that. :)

 

Making a relationship work isn't easy, I feel like I have to spend my whole life to learn how to have good relationships.

 

Does positive thinking work? I tried, maybe for a while it can make me feel good, but long term it does not work. If there is depression, there is a deeper root that cause that. Unless we deal with the deeper root, only willpower won't work.

 

But you have a good start here. First, you are honest and reaching out to others. This is very important. Second, you realized that the unfulfilling is connected to your childhood. Don't feel ashamed. Every person carry issues that caused by unresolved childhood hurts or past hurts. Either they don't realized it or don't admit it.

 

If you feel unloved, only self love or positive thinking won't give you the love you need. You have to take some love outside and internalize the love, then you will learn to love others and have good relationships. You cannot give what you don't have. But where to take love in?

 

From God. I learned to love and respect myself more because I have real experiences of how God loves me. I take His love and slowly I make some progresses.

 

From other people. There are many good people out there. Have you tried group therapy? Some good christian group therapy create an loving environment that teach each memeber express themselves and encourage and accept each others, if you find a critical group, then move on, and find another until you find one that you really like. This is a very good place to start :)

 

As long as you venture out, there are pretty many people would love to meet your emotional needs, if you hit a wall, don't get discouraged.

 

Don't isolate yourself from others, only in relationships you can learn how to have and improve relationships.

 

Volunteer activities are also good ideas. :)

JenniferB New Member

JenniferB

Posted
Posted

What got me out of a deep depression was writing out a list of the things that made me feel good. ...food ...walking ...a good movie ..etc.

 

Then I wrote out a list of people who I felt had wronged me ... and forgave them all.

 

And finally I wrote out a list of the things I was grateful for ... my health ...all the stuff I have ...not going hungry ...etc.

 

Hope that helps.

  • Author
Brightmoon Established Member

Brightmoon

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I am so sorry for the not coming back to this thread earlier.

 

I when I read your replies, your compassion moved me so much I was always in tears... and felt unequal for the time and consideration you had given me.

 

I am in tears now and at work... so NOT good.. ... It is very hard for me to look at .... accept kindness.... even though I reached out.

 

A couple of things have happend recently that have shaken me further.. relatively minor.. but I am deffo deppressed and wiil be getting anti depressants and possibly councelling.

 

My gratidude to you all is well overdue but non the less heatfelt.

 

Thank you all so very much.

 

xxx

Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

Posted
Posted

Hugs Brightmoon.

Yes, it's difficult to feel worthy and deserving of love and kindness when those weren't a part of our earlier experiences / aren't a part of our "normal and usual."

But you HAVE accepted it here...and to me that says that there is a part of you that knows you are 100% worthy and deserving of all good things in life!

 

I think that counseling is an excellent idea -- it can definitely help you to get more in touch with, and learn to trust, that inner Wise Part that already knows that you are lovable, important and significant.

 

No worries at all that you needed some time before you came back to the thread. That was your self-loving action...and you deserve love and kindness from your Self, too!

 

Best of luck with your counseling.

 

PS: Feel free to 'private message' me if there are times when you'd like to post but doing it publicly feels too overwhelming.

Jeff1962 Established Member

Jeff1962

Posted
Posted
I really feel a failure.

 

I know I have some stuff going for me. I have a job... I own my own house. I worry about keeping those in the present climate. Other than that I feel like I am the biggest failure.

 

I turned 50 last week... There I said it.

I have never really even had a relationship... not really..

 

I have zero confidence and I am trying to think positive after a lifetime of thinking negative.

 

I had a very un-nurtured childhood. I I was told and treated as if I were unloveable and in the way. I have never been able to shake it off..

I have had therapy and really I only got fleeting glimpses of feeling worthy.

 

In my heart of hearts... I feel I should not be alive. That I am a waste of resources.

 

I know that my thinking these things manifest them, but I am struggling.

Feel so lost. My sig is a quote that I am trying to live by. I am trying to keep going through hell.

 

I needed to express my pain is all. Needed to be honest and say it how it is. I feel so ashamed to have let my childhood affect me so much..

 

I just needed to say all this. Needed to be honest.

 

I have felt totally worthless at times in my life. Frustration, anger, headed in the wrong direction.

 

You have to realize that your parents are human and they make mistakes. Your parents probably feel much like you do inside. How we treat people is a reflection of ourselves.

 

You are not worthless. You deserve to be happy. You have to continue on, you owe this to yourself. I fell that you can embrace something positive out of this though. You know how you do not want to be treated, you know how it is to be un-nurtured, so go out of your way to make sure that you do not treat others like this. You can make a difference in this world by how you treat others.

 

There is someone for everyone. Keep working on yourself. You will get there. If you give up then you admit failure. I don't think that you would choose to fail because you are reaching out.

 

Keep posting. I've seen some good advice on these boards. People do care. We are in this together.

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