Boundary Problem Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 What on earth is a pre-engagement ring? Are there any obligations on the recipient? Or is it just a nice piece of jewellery?
New Again Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 What on earth is a pre-engagement ring? Are there any obligations on the recipient? Or is it just a nice piece of jewellery? Well I'm not romantic at all, and I'm very practical for the most part, so my answer is probably pretty nasty. My opinion is also based partially on past experience. Pre-engagement rings are smaller, cheaper versions of engagement rings, given by insecure boys to their g/fs in an attempt to strengthen his control over her by making it physically apparent to other guys that she is taken, all in the name of love and romance...without actually making a real commitment to his g/f.
Author Boundary Problem Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 What if the female isn't interested in other guys, but also isn't interested in getting married either. Isn't he just trying to back-door her on the marriage issue with the "pre-engagement" - but looks like an engagement ring? We agree he's occupying the field. What if she is willing to agree to date him, but doesn't like the finality of "forever" commitment. What would be the harm of wearing the ring (assuming it doesn't look tacky)?
New Again Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 What if the female isn't interested in other guys, but also isn't interested in getting married either. Honestly...I think this is where the boy's insecurity comes into play. Assuming the guy is insecure (and it doesn't have to have anything to do with g/f's past behavior, though I suppose that's always a possibility also): 1. He doesn't get that his g/f isn't interested in other guys. 2. He "trusts" his g/f, but not other guys. 3. Perhaps the fact that the girl doesn't want or isn't ready for that type of commitment also causes him insecurity ("it must be because she's interested in other guys/not that into me!"). Isn't he just trying to back-door her on the marriage issue with the "pre-engagement" - but looks like an engagement ring? Possibly. We agree he's occupying the field. What if she is willing to agree to date him, but doesn't like the finality of "forever" commitment. What would be the harm of wearing the ring (assuming it doesn't look tacky)? Well, I'm assuming that she wouldn't be getting a commitment ring if they weren't already dating and serious on some level, even if it's just the length of their relationship. The harm in wearing the ring is that the guy thinks that by her wearing it, they're practically engaged; that she is "his." Also, the harm in wearing it, if the girl isn't interested in that type of commitment is the issues and resentment that will arise as a result of what the ring symbolizes (which is something she doesn't want).
Author Boundary Problem Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 I don't know. For some of us, it just takes a long time to trust. I'm an attractive woman and I get sick of men hitting on me. I really do. I'm not opposed to wearing a ring. I just don't like the "trapped forever" aspect of wedding rings. I'm not saying I wouldn't get married in the future. I might. I'm just saying that my experience is that people change on a dime when they feel "secure". So it is going to take time for me to trust 100% in a future. I guess they call that faith. Plus a relationship is give and take. If I get the things I want from a relationship, I can see me bending on marriage, just because I'll be so distrated and happy with the things I wanted. My fear won't have room to "occupy the field". My fear would still be there, but it would be pushed to the side by the happiness. I don't know if that makes sense.
New Again Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Well I'm not sure exactly where you're coming from or asking about now...but do you know what Claddaugh rings are?
Author Boundary Problem Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 very interesting - just looked them up
Author Boundary Problem Posted December 12, 2009 Author Posted December 12, 2009 I remember going to the dentist as a little girl and each time we got to pick out a ring. Each time I got a different coloured stone. Loved those rings. Usually lost each one within days. But that was about as "girly" as I got when I was growing up. Rings are like handholding - very territorial. It is like PDA when the other person isn't even in the room.
Malenfant Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 well i never heard of a pre-engagement ring. either you're engaged, or you're not. but i know some people wear commitment rings, really just a way of showing you belong to someone in a serious relationship, but without the intention of getting married. either because you're too young or dont want to get married.
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