waltham781 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 There is a writer out there (Helen Fisher) saying the majority of 50+ yr marriages we see today are the result of two people, "builder" types who managed to get lucky and marry each other. This type of marriage has the best chance of lasting the longest. There is a formula for marriages that work, and in order to find out where you are, you need to put you and your spouse in a class: Explorer : Creative Adventurer / Spur of Moment Builder : Work, Work, Work, traditional Director : Analytical and Logical Negotiator : Touchy Feely Communicator Expolorers do best marrying their own kind, as do builders. Directors must be paired with Negotiators and vice versa. Who out there is paired correctly and not having issues?
hopeful1980 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 My husband and I are both Explorers I think. We are both creative and spontaneous, just in different ways.
rina_r Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 There is a writer out there (Helen Fisher) saying the majority of 50+ yr marriages we see today are the result of two people, "builder" types who managed to get lucky and marry each other. This type of marriage has the best chance of lasting the longest. There is a formula for marriages that work, and in order to find out where you are, you need to put you and your spouse in a class: Explorer : Creative Adventurer / Spur of Moment Builder : Work, Work, Work, traditional Director : Analytical and Logical Negotiator : Touchy Feely Communicator Expolorers do best marrying their own kind, as do builders. Directors must be paired with Negotiators and vice versa. Who out there is paired correctly and not having issues? What book of Helen Ficher was it in?? I am a Negotiator dating a Director. Goes fine so far.
JamesM Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Is THIS the Helen Fisher you mean? http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=youtube+helen+fisher&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=ENoiS-blPIn6nAemp-njCQ&sa=X&oi=video_result_group&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CBEQqwQwAA#q=youtube+helen+fisher&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=ENoiS-blPIn6nAemp-njCQ&sa=X&oi=video_result_group&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CBEQqwQwAA&qvid=youtube+helen+fisher&vid=-4042067818447848728
Author waltham781 Posted December 12, 2009 Author Posted December 12, 2009 I have the study printed out at work, I'll pull up the reference on Monday. Interesting to note. The most lethal combination is TWO explorers. There are tons of stats on this study, but for these two they have their cards stacked against them when trying to manage the "power" compromise in the marriage and when the free time is allocated. I had met a Negotiator a while back and we really chatted it up quite a bit. She was married to an Explorer and her answer was to go on these adventures with him and then stay in the car and read. Or stay in the lodge by the fire and read. They are both forever doing something together and yet apart at the same time. I tried to pinpoint at the time why this didn't seem right to me, but now it makes more sense. BTW they are in MC because of this but trying very hard to get around the issue. I am SURE it is much more complicated than this, but seriously. A little quick and easy roadmap like this upfront would have been helpful to cool down the love/lust in any new relationship and take a step back. The author also notes that some people are raised in such a way that they naturally select the right partner. It's like having a grounded sense of self before they enter into a marriage.
threebyfate Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Interesting. I would categorize myself as a Director/Builder. My first husband was an Explorer/Director, in that order. Our marriage went cablooey, due to his NPD and infidelity. My second husband is a Negotiator/Director/Builder. We had a really easy relationship and it has smoothly transitioned to a very easy marriage. Perhaps there's something to Helen Fisher's theories.
melodymatters Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Hmmm, theories abound....and then life happens ! I CAN say, I am probably a negotiator and was DEF with a director for 6 yrs, and my wanting to be open, touchy feely, and communicative, was soundly rebuffed by the analytical, colder nature of the Director type, and it was Just....Plain...Horrible....
jerbear Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Hmmm, theories abound....and then life happens ! I CAN say, I am probably a negotiator and was DEF with a director for 6 yrs, and my wanting to be open, touchy feely, and communicative, was soundly rebuffed by the analytical, colder nature of the Director type, and it was Just....Plain...Horrible.... Thanks! I just dug my results and I'm a Director with the following breakdown: Director 31% Negotiator 23% Builder 23% Explorer 21% Hey TBF, if you have any single friends like you, let me know!!! :lmao:
threebyfate Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 You need a Negotiator, not a Director! Sowie, none of my single friends are Negotiators, some Directors and Explorers.
jerbear Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 You need a Negotiator, not a Director! Sowie, none of my single friends are Negotiators, some Directors and Explorers. Touchy feely are we?! :lmao: Well if you befriend a nice single negotiator and you think she and I would get along; let "us" know! :lmao: (Being analytical and who says LS/TBF can't be a good matchmaker! :lmao::lmao:)
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