Seymore Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Say a guy and a girl are fighting, for the umpteenth time. She's done and said some hurtful things to him, yet AGAIN. The man finally puts his foot down and tells the woman: "If you do this one more time, I'm gone". The girl, instead of saying "let's work it out", has an attitude and says "Bye!" and shows him the door, literally. The man walks out and does not come back. What do you think? Who is the dumper and who is the dumpee and why?
stace79 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I wouldn't assume you were broken up. I'd say that was an immature, childlike fight and you need to speak to each other. If you're in fact breaking up, it should be clearly stated, and not in the heat of the moment.
Author Seymore Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Childlike how? Say the woman has anger problems, a habit of yelling and swearing at the guy or playing games with the guy, and he has voiced his opinion of how this is hurtful behavior, but the woman says to deal with it and will not have a calm conversation about it. We're talking these things went on for over a year. Wouldn't you say the man was setting a boundary by standing up for himself and declaring he would leave if it were to continue? I don't understand how that is immature. Plus, the man is clearly stating that he will leave should it persist, isn't that the declaration?
stace79 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Childlike how? Say the woman has anger problems, a habit of yelling and swearing at the guy or playing games with the guy, and he has voiced his opinion of how this is hurtful behavior, but the woman says to deal with it and will not have a calm conversation about it. We're talking these things went on for over a year. Wouldn't you say the man was setting a boundary by standing up for himself and declaring he would leave if it were to continue? I don't understand how that is immature. Plus, the man is clearly stating that he will leave should it persist, isn't that the declaration? I still think that it should be clearly stated that you're breaking up... I'm assuming you are the guy here... I would e-mail or something so as to avoid another blow-up and just state clearly "Listen, this is not right for me. I need to be with someone who can talk logically and rationally without it turning in to a screaming match. I want to break up but wish you the best" kinda thing. Just so there's no confusion... I mean if YOU are confused then she must be too.
Author Seymore Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 This was almost a year ago, but I was thinking back to it and was unsure. I had said many times that I wouldn't tolerate that sort of attitude from her and that it was damaging our relationship, and I was very, very clear about it each time. She knew I was gone once I walked out the door and she started pleading, but we had that argument far too often. I couldn't put up with that kind of abuse anymore. But my confusion comes from me having told the story to people over the last year. Many people claim that I didn't leave her, she kicked me out when I stated my intentions one last time, so she dumped me. I left, and I said goodbye when I did, so I thought that I was the one who had dumped her.
Boundary Problem Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 So, a year later you are trying to figure out who dumped who? huh
Author Seymore Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Basically, I had always said I left her. Someone today brought it up and I started thinking "what is the deal?" and I figured I'd present the situation and get opinions here, that's all. I haven't been sitting here for the last year saying "I wonder, hmm". It's not a big deal, I was just curious.
kyta Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I think you both just agreed it was over!!!!!!!!!!!
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