JL911 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Im kind of driving myself crazy here....Been dating my gf now for over 2months...Things have been very fun, very carefree, and definatly worth my while so far. I definatly am on the verge with this one of going head over heals, but I dont think shes quite there just yet and I am debating on what I am suppose to do...I feel she does have a connection with me, but I dont know if shes holding back. She has yet to be very vocal with her feelings...And on occasion has said she thought I was too good to be true. In the beginning she kinda persued me, asked me to come over, asked if I was busy, ya know tried to work her way into my life... We have been very close and seeing an awful lot of one another. We have had a mix of fun dates including, sporting events, plays, local events, movies, dinners, and also quite a few nights at home just kinda laying around watching TV. We have been very intimate with one another. Beginning of the month we took a weekend trip together and had a lot of fun together. Spent two nights together sharing a room and bed. I enjoyed it, she seemed to have enjoyed it as well. The purpose of the trip was for me to meet a few of her very close friends, all of which seemed to like me and are still talking with me. It seems as though she now has somewhat taken me for granted and I dont really understand it. I dont hear from her near as much. She doesnt text quite as often and I feel like I am the one initiating contact and the one who is now constantly trying to organize dates and meetings. I definatly feel as though I am the one who is putting forth the most effort into our relationship and I dont know what more to do other than cut back the amount of contact I have with her and see how she reacts to that. I really hate the idea of playing games, its not really me. I do greatly care about this girl, but I feel as if I may be a bit further along than she is as far as what I want in this relationship. I also feel that she somehow thinks that I am always going to be available and that Im not going anywhere... How do I get her to realize what shes doing...
Yukikazi Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Cut down your contact.. maybe once a week to see how she is doing.. don;t suggest any get togethers for a week or 2.. See if she changes her tune.. if not.. NEXT!!
gtrguy Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Writing on the wall - you already are well aware of the signs. My advice, back off. Just from the way you talk about her, you sound like the woman in the relationship (no offense). Back off, be a man, and make her come to you. If she doesn't, well forget her. There are a ton more out there.
Author JL911 Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 I have no issues being a man here...Just kinda weird how she went from one extreme to the other...I think taking a small break from things is probaly what I need... Basic instinct tells me to push her to be around her, but i need to go against that and just kinda let her go at her own speed with me, but how do I back off without having her thinking im a complete jerk...
DustySaltus Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 JL, remember what I said to you about a week ago: ".... the most important thing to understand is that you cannot control her mind or what happened to her in the past. You can only control yourself. It's only been two months, once the honeymoon period ends (and it will, because it happens to everyone) that's when you'll see her true self and it will either be good enough for you or it won't. You are handling things the right way. Just let her take the lead for now..." She hasn't been taking the lead now has she? It's time to back off. Don't initiate contact for a week, see what happens. It's really a "risk/reward" scenario now. Either she steps up her end or she continues to not live up to her end of the bargain. But remember sooner or later you get to know the WHOLE person and they are who they are. You may really like them as a person but their actions may not change...
Author JL911 Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 (edited) I think the honeymoon period is over after our honeymoon trip we took....Ya know after hearing from her friends how they have never seen her happier, its kind of odd that this is what I am now getting in return. This week we only saw each other one time...Shes sick as hell and in bed suffering...Only text I sent her today was one saying I hope she is feeling better. Probaly all I will send... Here we go again...lol... Edited December 11, 2009 by JL911
gtrguy Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 You are good my friend. And JL, like I said, you know this already since these very words came from you!!! JL, remember what I said to you about a week ago: ".... the most important thing to understand is that you cannot control her mind or what happened to her in the past. You can only control yourself. It's only been two months, once the honeymoon period ends (and it will, because it happens to everyone) that's when you'll see her true self and it will either be good enough for you or it won't. You are handling things the right way. Just let her take the lead for now..." She hasn't been taking the lead now has she? It's time to back off. Don't initiate contact for a week, see what happens. It's really a "risk/reward" scenario now. Either she steps up her end or she continues to not live up to her end of the bargain. But remember sooner or later you get to know the WHOLE person and they are who they are. You may really like them as a person but their actions may not change...
Author JL911 Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Ok so what is a proper way to react when she does text or contact me?
gtrguy Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 If it were me, I would just act normal. Let her make the next move about seeing eachother or some comment about a feeling. Just let her lead. Ok so what is a proper way to react when she does text or contact me?
Author JL911 Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 And if she suggests doing something???
gtrguy Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Well then that's good.. That's what you want. We aren't saying to dump her on the street. We are trying to see if you leave her be, will she come back to you with more interest again. So, if she calls you/texts you to get together, then of course go with it. But let her do that. And if she suggests doing something???
Author JL911 Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Well she replied to my text about hoping she was feeling better, but I did not respond to it... I guess I need to learn some self control, and just stay away a bit and let her think im slipping away...
gtrguy Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Remember buddy, all girls want what they can't have. Nature of the beast. When I meet a girl who doesn't play games like that, I'll marry her
billy356 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 yup...cant agree more...I have been down this road many many times.... It is a little bit of a game for lack of a better term. You both want the other person to realize how much they like each other. And so you have to alternate backing off a little so the other person misses you...then the roles get reversed... See you are in the middle of her turn right now and it is working! Now you do the same thing and see if it works for you. If it does, then there is more to this than casual dating and you can continue on down the path. Get too clingy and you will get bumped off the path and into the brambleberry bushes...ouch
Author JL911 Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Man Billy, you hit the nail right on the head....Its these times where shes unavailable or seems emotionally disconnected when im just wanting her so much. Prior to this trip we took I was a little distant with her and before the plane ride she was all over me, on the way down, she talked to me, and the entire time we were there it was on. I stayed calm funny, and had a ton of fun with her and we became closer I thought as a couple...I remember standing waiting on our shuttle and her hugging me and just joking with her and her saying what I cant hug you just cause I want to. Then I come back to her being a little distant with me so I in turn persue a bit then back off... Now its like OK...Its your turn now... Its a touchy subject right now to me because shes sick (had a root canal done wednesday)...Part of me feels like I should be there for her and comfort her (which I already have done), and another part of me thinks maybe I should leave her alone and let her call me when shes feeling better... Maybe some time without me will do her some good and make her want me again...Oh the games we play...
DustySaltus Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Jl, how old is she? I know you probably want to bring her chicken soup right now but resist the urge. I think you've been yourself the entire time and she has not. It seems like she hasn't been with a man in the past that either treated her well or made her "step up her game", so to speak. She was dealing with losers and guys who treated her bad. Now, she meets her knight in shining armor and it's almost like she's too overwhelmed to reciprocate your actions. Think about it, she keeps telling you that you're too good to be true. It's like she continues to wait for the other shoe to drop. Well, that shoe is not dropping and won't anytime soon because you have your **** together. Now, how long was the longest relationship she ever had? She may be a good "sprinter" but not a "marathon runner" if you know what I mean. Again, you really need to take a step back and give her another chance to lead. I know you really like her and I know that after all that you've been through in the past it's GREAT to have that feeling again. I would do ANYTHING to have that feeling at this moment. But that feeling can never be more important than your own sanity. If you want, as an alternative when she gets better, call her out on it. Be assertive and ask her straight out why you have to be the leader? It's a two way street.
Author JL911 Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 (edited) Dusty actually I feel if anything Love Shack has greatly helped me... You are correct...She has never had a long term relationship like I have nor been through the demise of one like I have. Thats about as scary as it gets...And I am sure she is a little scared to get in too deep with me and have me flake out like the rest. You're right, from what I got from her, we have been dealing with some less than reputable characters who either used her for what they wanted, or just eventually flaked out...Thats not me. When i decide to get involved, thats what I get. When I choose a person to be in a relationship they get my best, they get it always, I may be her knight in shining armor, but her past mess ups and disappointments wont let me in like that just yet for whatever reason...I guess i have to withstand the test of time...Which even makes me feel even more foolish for having to play these stupid games...Its like playing tag...I try for you, then you try for me...seems stupid. She is a good sprinter... News Flash...Text total for the day is so far 2-1 her I plan on keeping things this way...its much better when shes coming after me...Afterall I am the sane, loving, nice to have boyfriend...Shouldnt I be desired and wanted? Edited December 11, 2009 by JL911
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