hogangoatcher Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I am not sure I was ever in love with my husband. When we got married I was at a very low point in my life and he seemed like a guardian angel who had come to rescue me. My husband is sweet, caring, responsible, and he and I get along just fine. So why is it that I have no feelings for him? We have a young daughter together so I really want to make this relationship work, but I am having a hard time living with a man that I am not in love with. I make excuses for why I don't want him to touch or kiss me. He has been very understanding which makes me feel even worse. Does anyone know what to do? Living like this isn't fair to anyone. What I am most concerned about is the effect this is having or will have on our daughter.
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Did you ever feel sexual towards him? Before getting married? Honesty is the best policy here.. As much as you care about him, don't want to hurt him, you have to let him know how you feel, see how he feels too. What if he is thinking along the same lines as you? But is too afraid to communicate this to you?
Author hogangoatcher Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 I did have sexual feelings for him before we got married, and even at the very beginning of the marriage. In the past he had problems with the fact that I had been with significantly more people than he had, and had a much more relaxed view of sex. We fought about it and he said some really offensive things. We have since resolved that issue, but my attraction to him never came back. He is still attracted to me and says he loves me all the time. I am pretty sure he has no idea that I feel this way. I just don't want to say something that could really hurt him if there is another way to fix the problem.
hopeful1980 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 What do you want from him? I mean, what could he do to awaken those feelings in you again? It doesn't sound like he's doing anything wrong, so it's you who has to figure out if this is what you want. If it isn't, move on as quickly as possible. If it is, find a way to accept your husband and regain those loving feeling for him again.
imagine Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I am pretty sure he has no idea that I feel this way. I just don't want to say something that could really hurt him if there is another way to fix the problem. What exactly are your emotional needs and how can he improve? There is a chart in Marriage builders that can give you some clues!
ann09 Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Wow - you situation sounds eerily similar to mine. I've been married over 14 yrs. I thought my H was the right one - but as time went on my attraction to him just decreased so much and eventually wasn't there at all. I remember, like you, having so many excuses as to why I couldn't touch him etc. Also, like your H, he was very understanding and that made me feel worse. I don't know what to tell you - maybe counseling? I wish you the best - I know how hard this is.
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