grfins Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 It's been over 3 months now. Yesterday and today have been particularly down days. I've been off work for 9 days and kept busy with family and friends out of town. Now back to work, back to the grind, back to a lonely house, and it just feels as if I went back 2 months in recovering. I don't want to lean on family and friends too much as i am afraid to wear the subject out. Many think I am moving on well with life and recovery as most have never been through this. Truth is I'm agonizing inside and during the work day it is an hour to hour struggle still. Anybody else feel that as the months go on, the support thins and you feel as if can't really talk about the pain and heartache anymore? Getting over the betrayal and loss is even more difficult with a 14 year old as I am unable to maintain NC very long. (schooling and settlement and divorce issues) Unbelievable how I can still miss her so much and her companionship even after all the lies and damage she has done to me. Please help me find the off switch!
Island Girl Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 The loss of support should directly follow along with how you are moving through the steps of recovery. Perhaps it is time for you to seek therapy. There are coping skills that can help you get more control of the process and understand it better. It will really help if you let it. And you can lay everything out there as much as you want - the entire hour is a venting session with somebody who deals with these kinds of emotions professionally. It may take a couple sessions but you can get a grip on this thing. If you do you will get back to enjoying time with friends and family more. Good luck to you.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Yes, I totally feel the same! I had a lot of support the first month and it helped me feel I could get through this, then it faded away bit by bit to the point I sometimes feel I am totally on my own with this. I mean I can't keep going on about it now it's 5 months can I. And the 2 friends who said to me you can't put a time limit on grief are 2 of the ones who have backed off, I'd asked if I could come and watch TV with them one eve a week and they said that would be a bit much as they're often tired. I thought "I'm crying out here, I need company, to be with people". I didn't think it was too much to ask in the circumstances, considering they know how low I get. They think that just knowing they care about me should be enough! Well it helps, but I really want company. When I've had social things to look forward to I cope much better, if I have seemingly endless evenings alone it's when it hits the hardest. They spend a lot of time with their widowed mum as she needs company but they don't seem to see I am lonely too. Bear in mind they are not busy with work or kids, they are sisters and live together. Anyway, yes I know exactly what you mean! I don't go on about it all the time like I used to, in the end even I got fed up with hearing it! I think people must be thinking for goodness sake it's been 5 months she should be over it by now.
soheartbroken Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I've definitely reduced the amount that I talk about it to people. I let it all out in therapy mostly. But it's hard. I'm still heartbroken. I try not to dwell on it with friends (or sound too negative), but it's constantly on my mind.
madrugada Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Trust me, I know exactly what you're going through. It's only been a month and a half for me, but I'm feeling the same things. Its fitting this is on the coping forum, because that's what you're doing - coping with the loss of someone who was a part of your life for so long. I think it's the same when a loved one dies - at first everyone's there to offer sympathy, be there for you, maybe bring over a casserole. But eventually that stops and you're still left trying to figure out how to deal with that huge hole in your life. I would recommend therapy, as Island Girl has suggested. I'm thinking about seeing a doctor to deal with the depression I'm sinking into. The first few weeks I did nothing but vent about the whole thing to my friends, especially the ones who'd been through the same kind of heartache. I've stopped doing that, as I know it must have started to wear thin. Now, when anyone asks how I'm doing, I say, "Oh, I get by." But dammit, it still hurts. God, it hurts so bad. I took some time off from work myself, and spent the entire week in mourning. I even had to explain why I was taking an unscheduled vacation - the day my ex moved out, I sat down with my boss and said, 'I'll be going home tonight to an empty house. Things are tough right now.' Therapy would be good for you. Sooner or later there comes a time when friends and family just aren't enough. I reached that point over Thanksgiving weekend when family members kept saying, 'you'll find someone else.' Well, I wasn't asking for advice and I don't want to find someone else. I want my old life back, when I could come home to warmth and companionship and passion. But that's gone. We have to learn to accept that and move on, impossible as that may seem. I was talking to one friend who's had two wives leave him and I asked him, how long did it take for you to get over it? He said, 'As long as you want to be miserable.' If only that were true. The hurt just takes a long time to go away, if it ever does. I'm starting to think it's just a matter of figuring out how to live with it, make it work for you somehow. But I know. It hurts so bad.
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