kimmi Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Hi, I never thought I would find myself on this part of LS but here I am. I am at a loss over a "friend". Sorry if this sounds mumbled but I just am trying to sort it out and trying to come up with something and having no luck. I just went NC with my ex about 4 days ago. He contacted me last night asking me to do something wit his face book (the settings thing). Means he called me and I did not contact him I answered the call and went on to do the settings for him. When I logged into his account he was on there chatting with a girl. (did not know 2 ppl could be logged in at the same time) I thought that it would kick him off right away so I continued... It did not kick him off and he was continuing to chat with this lady... I was kinda taken by it and I started to read it because I know that (he told me) that she is married with 2 young kids... and she is always sending him emails with silky nighty's, (she does not wear them) anyways it got pretty graphic about sexual things ... Then It started to get more serious into where she was saying that she is seperated from her husband but he still lives in the house, My ex then told her to get a divorce and leave him, she said no and she would not leave due to her really good job ... He said that he would travel there to go and get her and bring her here to be with him ... She was saying no still but I know my ex and he will get persistant with this... Now the reason that I am worried... Yes I do love my ex still and I am worried that I will lose him to a married woman number 1 but even more then that I am worried that this wil really happen, I am worried that she will come here and be with him (she has 2 pre school kids) and my ex is not the smartest cookie out there ... He gets a thought in his head and that's it he will not stop at anything ... he will end up out there ... now I am worried because I can see this al being very bad and I can also see him being hurt really bad ... Or he can be happy but her life gets ruined with her kids. He is lying about his job, about me about everything ... if she comes out here she will be giving up everything and losing everything ... what the heck do i do .. they call each other, text each other, face book each other... PLEASE HELP i AM REALLY SCARED!! (in the past this has happened to me and I was really stuck with 3 kids across canada) I do not wish that on anyone. Thanks for all the help.
bentnotbroken Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Find out who her spouse is and inform him, is one way that I can think of.
Author kimmi Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 I thought about doing that but I do not want my name in it ... I drafted a email to my ex already and saved her email address ... a part of me wants to think that it will just blow over ... But i know how he is ... This girl does not know him they went to school in grade 4 he is now in his 30's ... they have not seen each other since that year. Thanks for your advise ... I will save his contact info too and if it does get out of hand then I will inform him ... If anyone else can think of something please let me know the more advise the more options ... Thanks again.
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Trust me..She isn't going to leave her husband and move her two young kids to be with your ex.. One thing you said, he is your ex, but you still love him and are afraid of losing him to this MW.. Does this mean one day you might want him back? Just curious.. Honestly, it sounds more like fantasy and fun..
Author kimmi Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Hi, I do hope one day we can be back together ... I do love him and to tell you the truth until I seen this last night (seen this before and he said that it is nothing) but until last night I thought that I could trust him .. I am so second guessing this all now... It feels like he is a stranger to me and I am thinking about how many more lies he told me when we were together .. this has really put my mind into fast forward(if that makes sence) ...
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Look at it this way, you two have broken up and he's your ex. He doesn't really owe you an explanation of what he does and who he talks to or wants to date.. Maybe he feels it's none of your business since you are his ex. Does he know that one day you're hoping to get back together with him? Why did you two break up in the first place?
Author kimmi Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 He does know this information ... He does the push and pull act with me ... He asked if he could come over tomorrow to spend the day with me ... We were still having sex up until I said no more of that it is too confusing for me ... I have told him how I feel and reguarding this information he has told me alot about it ... I have not asked about it at all he gives the information to me. He will check his email right in front of me... he will sit on my couch and use my laptop instead of his phone or my other computer .. then he shows the pictures to me ... So of course I ask questions ... We broke up for trust issues, he was lying to me to much in the past and when e was being honest I had already lost trust and kept on fighting with him about the past .. Found it to hard to let go ... (had a affair with best friend)... I wanted to deal with it but he would not help on that part. he would get mad if I would bring it up.. so I was mostly cranky with him instead of myself ... I would get really mad about it mostly when we had a few drinks together ... I would always scream at him.. I know it is not right but I am the type that I have to deal with issues and not hold on to them .. with him I had to stiffle everything ... Apart of me wants to let him get hurt and let him make a fool out of himself ... but then the caring part of me steps in and I have a hard time with this... Right now I wish I knew nothing about this ...
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Okay, I understand more now.. Look, this guy you love is is immature and you don't trust him, rightfully so. He's cheated and lied, betrayed..His behaviour now still does show that's who he is. Until he's willing to change his ways, become a trustworthy person, do what is necessary to become a better person, shield your heart and back off more.. Detach from him.. It's good you've stopped having sex with him. Doesn't seem like he's done much to regain your respect, trust and faith in him either.
Author kimmi Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 You are VERY right ... I am hoping to stop this action from happening but truly in the end I will look like a idiot... I hope and pray that she does not leave her husband and come out here ...but then again that's something that I can not control either ... He will do the same to her as he has to me ... I was talking to my sister also and she had said the same thing as what I am being told here. It is so hard to let him go ... But it will make me a better person in the end ... The reason that I was wanting to go back to this is that I know this is not healthy thinking either ... Past relationships they had a lot more intense the problems were large ... all forms of abuse , drugs .. Kids being left with nothing (fathers walking out) I always thought that dealing with his lies were not as bad as not going to work because I had physical marks on me ... No matter what though this is just as damaging mentally ... I am shaking as much as I would be while being in a fight ... It is time to start my letting go and let him have his life back ... If she is that much of a fool then That's her fault not mine ... I do love him but I do not get the love in return ... Time to stop wasting my time on him .. Thanks you guys for all your help!!!!
whichwayisup Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 You can't stop this action, that's the thing.. He is making the choice and is LYING to you about certain things about it. Just because you love him, doesn't mean you are meant to have him or be with him as a gf/bf senario. Maybe you two are better off as friends.. But, right now you have to look out for yourself, heal and care a little less about his life choices. Protect your heart.. Bottomline is this, he's a grown man, an adult and if he is choosing to f*k up his life or make selfish stupid decisions, he may have to learn the hard painful way, hit his rock bottom before he will change..his..ways... Sorry you're hurting. It's hard to see someone you deeply care about make bad mistakes.
Author kimmi Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 I know it is hard for me to "stop caring" but I have to ... This will be the test of all time ... lol ... I will give my best shot though...
ADF Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 There is a very good chance your ex carefully orchestrated your "accidental" discovery of his chat with a married woman. He might be deliberately trying to make you uncomfortable. Men often try to create tension in a relationship in hopes they can use it to their advantage. I cannot say for sure that is what happened, but please consider it.
Author kimmi Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Right now I am thinking everything ... You thought's are also in my head ... however he knows the way that I am and he would expect me to react to this and going the full mile with it ... Like emailing her and her husband ... tell them all the truth so I left that thought out of it... He knows me very well and this is all happening in a small town (she lives in one) and he was born and raised there He would not even put it past me to contact his parents (that I would not do) When he showed me the picture of the nighty , he said do not say anything to her about this ... I said no why would I .. That's when I thought he was being honest ... It hurt also because together or not he has to lie to me ... That thought stings ...
Recommended Posts