9Lives Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I wake up every morning with this thought lingering in my mind that I am still trying to accept this whole thing. We have not talked in about a month now after a off and on relationship of 4 years. He has a girlfriend now. He got with her when we were off. I will probably be bumping into them often and I know that I have to be ready for that as well starting next year as well. I tell myself that he is happy with who he is with and what he is doing and that he really dont care about me anymore. I know that seems hard but I have to force myself to look at it this way to keep from looking back and hoping he will return. I just need to know when you really get in inside yourself that it was done?
xoxo88 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 It's up to you how long this pain si going to last. It can last a few days, a few months or forever. Your break up is still pretty fresh so it's ok to feel this way and there is is also hope that you two might get back together (or not). The worst thing you can do is to have doubts about letting him go. You must really dissect the relationship and decide if you want him back or you want to let it go. Either way it's fine. You know better than anyone what happened between you two. Just decide what you want. There are ways to achieve either of those options. Think it through as much as it might hurt looking back. Good luck.
Author 9Lives Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 It's up to you how long this pain si going to last. It can last a few days, a few months or forever. Your break up is still pretty fresh so it's ok to feel this way and there is is also hope that you two might get back together (or not). The worst thing you can do is to have doubts about letting him go. You must really dissect the relationship and decide if you want him back or you want to let it go. Either way it's fine. You know better than anyone what happened between you two. Just decide what you want. There are ways to achieve either of those options. Think it through as much as it might hurt looking back. Good luck. lord knows, I am trying to just let it be. I dont want to pondering but of course it just pops in your head. I just want to accept it since I cant fix it or make him come back. I am trying
xoxo88 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Considering that your relationship lasted about 4 years and you only broke up a month go that lady might be just a rebound. I can't tell you if this means that he still loves you or not. In case you decide to let him go i recommend you to read the book "it's called a break up beceause it's broken". I'm reading it right now and the pain is starting to ease. You're gonna read about so many people who got through the same you are going on right now and the answer to their painful unanswered (unanswered by their exes) questions. Maybe you stil ask yourself all those questions and you are gonna find the answer in that book.
Author 9Lives Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Considering that your relationship lasted about 4 years and you only broke up a month go that lady might be just a rebound. I can't tell you if this means that he still loves you or not. In case you decide to let him go i recommend you to read the book "it's called a break up beceause it's broken". I'm reading it right now and the pain is starting to ease. You're gonna read about so many people who got through the same you are going on right now and the answer to their painful unanswered (unanswered by their exes) questions. Maybe you stil ask yourself all those questions and you are gonna find the answer in that book. Well I guess I will give it a try. I want to convince myself to let this go and stop living in the past but it just not that easy
Nikki Sahagin Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Well i'm 8 months down the line and hope for me is pretty much gone and really I have accepted it. There are still moments where you miss them. I think of him every day. But the emotions and thoughts toward him are complicated. There is what you feel/think of the person you were with and what you feel/think about the person now. Even if someone broke up with you in a nice way, the process of getting over them involves great sorrow and anger which does muddy and disenchant your view of them until perhaps you come through it and see them as people again; a kind of reincarnated stranger that is familiar but alien to you all at once. I think depending on the way a relationship ended i.e. abruptly, there will always be a kind of distant hope but its more of a fantasy and something you wont realistically want. Sometimes I want my ex but I have so many feelings inside that have shifted. Yes there's love but thats polluted by a lack of trust, by anger, by betrayal, by his abandonment of me etc. You will accept it at your own pace. Life just will allow you to. So long as you live, acceptance will come. Also its fine to look back over your shoulder now and again to see how far you've come. You might feel like you're going to fall back to square one but sometimes its fine to think of them, to reminisce, to miss them, and then just keep going! There is no time line for acceptance and no pressure to get over them quickly. Just take your time. It will happen for you!
stace79 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I read today several things that have helped me: Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.Wisdom is nothing more than pain healed.Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to just leave it broken rather than to hurt yourself trying to fix it.Believe it or not, after a month of me crying and pleading with my ex-fiance, just wanting to be back together, I finally stopped talking to him last Thursday. No calls, no e-mails, no nothing. He called me Tuesday night and left a (stupid) voicemail. I didn't call back. Wednesday he e-mailed. I didn't reply. Thursday (yesterday) he was blowing up my phone, confused and "hurt" as to why I was "shutting him out". Well, duh. We broke up, and you told me you didn't want me anymore. It took me a few weeks, but I got it! Now, I am thinking about that third quote up there, and not really wanting to speak to him or see him, even though that's what he wants. You gotta make up your mind for yourself. I know it's hard. I didn't think I'd ever feel this way. But the power can belong to you -- if you take it away from other people that is.
Nikki Sahagin Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Stace, its none of my buisness and I don't know your story but are you sure you wont regret shutting him out? I think NC is fine and often necessary but unless the break up was bad (and yours may well have been) I think its always best to leave things with an explanation so that the door is open later on for friendship etc, if that is what you desire. Tell me to butt out if i'm all wrong! I just saw the word power and must say, that really no relationship should be about power, although there are inevitable power struggles. What it should be is you taking ownership of your own self rather than stealing any power from them.
stace79 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Stace, its none of my buisness and I don't know your story but are you sure you wont regret shutting him out? I think NC is fine and often necessary but unless the break up was bad (and yours may well have been) I think its always best to leave things with an explanation so that the door is open later on for friendship etc, if that is what you desire. Tell me to butt out if i'm all wrong! I just saw the word power and must say, that really no relationship should be about power, although there are inevitable power struggles. What it should be is you taking ownership of your own self rather than stealing any power from them. Regarding power -- just meaning that a lot of us, myself included, give people the power to ruin our days... make us feel bad. When actually WE have the power to control our own attitude and how we react to bad situations or hurtful events. Re: my ex, I'm communicating with him now, after a looooong convo yesterday and an email today; but have just let him know I don't want to talk a ton and I need time to think about what he's said to me. I also need to think if meeting him in person is the right thing for me -- I still have a lot of scars from our situation. (long story) I'm just not sure that being friends with him is the right thing either. I don't usually do the whole staying-friends-with-exes thing.
Nikki Sahagin Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Yeah I see what you mean by power and I agree. Its hard to disentangle from an ex in that way! Good luck
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