Author insecureeeyep Posted December 21, 2009 Author Posted December 21, 2009 And yes, you need to stop snooping. It sounds to me as if both situations are innocent on his part. I proudly haven't snooped since I made this thread. I agree, though.
dazzle22 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 You need to realize that the core emotion under all the anxiety and the obsessive checking (yes, it is becoming a bit OCD, which goes along with anxiety) is FEAR. You fear losing him, as you develop stronger feelings for him, so you attempt to CONTROL this by incessant snooping. That is an easy cycle to get into, because it gives us a sense that we can control the situation, and prevent the one we love from leaving. BUT, that is a FALSE sense of control. You have to burn this into your brain : NONE OF US CAN CONTROL ANYONE ELSE'S BEHAVIOR, no matter how hard we try, how much surveillance we do. We have NO CONTROL over our loved ones. He could meet a stunning woman on the street and stop and have coffee, and pffft...your relationship could be over - that could happen to any of us, or he could step off a curb, and be hit by a car, and he would be gone. Do you see the point of these analogies - we can't control life, and some losses just happen. But your fear of loss is sabotaging a really good relationship right now, and sadly, ironically, if you don't stop trying to prevent the loss of him in your situation, you really will lose him.
singlemom19 Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 i also found naked pics on my exs phone but they were recent like when we were still dating n i was pregnant wit his baby so i confronted him about it n he told me tht the girl who sent them was a stalker n was obessed wit him n i would have believed it but then there was txts between the two of them wanting to meet up to have sex n then i found pics of him n his ex together kissing n they have been broken up for almost two years but im happy tht ur guy can be honest wit u
Author insecureeeyep Posted December 24, 2009 Author Posted December 24, 2009 You need to realize that the core emotion under all the anxiety and the obsessive checking (yes, it is becoming a bit OCD, which goes along with anxiety) is FEAR. You fear losing him, as you develop stronger feelings for him, so you attempt to CONTROL this by incessant snooping. That is an easy cycle to get into, because it gives us a sense that we can control the situation, and prevent the one we love from leaving. BUT, that is a FALSE sense of control. You have to burn this into your brain : NONE OF US CAN CONTROL ANYONE ELSE'S BEHAVIOR, no matter how hard we try, how much surveillance we do. We have NO CONTROL over our loved ones. He could meet a stunning woman on the street and stop and have coffee, and pffft...your relationship could be over - that could happen to any of us, or he could step off a curb, and be hit by a car, and he would be gone. Do you see the point of these analogies - we can't control life, and some losses just happen. But your fear of loss is sabotaging a really good relationship right now, and sadly, ironically, if you don't stop trying to prevent the loss of him in your situation, you really will lose him. I've been practicing this mentality since I first posted this thread. I still get insecure and think irrationally sometimes, but I've been able to talk myself down for the most part.
brokenglass Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 I know it's wrong but I can't help myself. Yeah well you better learn to help yourself. If you were my gf, and going through my sh*t like that, you would be gone with the quickness. Whether or not he has "anything to hide" what you're doing is disgusting. Whats next, his email? Or do you already do that? You know that's illegal right? Do you know his passwords or do you go through the process of figuring them out to snoop on him? I'm sorry but I just find this whole scenario horribly disgusting.
Author insecureeeyep Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 (edited) Yeah well you better learn to help yourself. If you were my gf, and going through my sh*t like that, you would be gone with the quickness. Whether or not he has "anything to hide" what you're doing is disgusting. Whats next, his email? Or do you already do that? You know that's illegal right? Do you know his passwords or do you go through the process of figuring them out to snoop on him? I'm sorry but I just find this whole scenario horribly disgusting. I know it's bad. My boyfriend had told me if I needed to look through his stuff I should do so. I don't want to though, and haven't since the beginning of this thread. He told me his password. I asked him to change it and he said he wouldn't because he wants me to know it/ would rather me just know it then trying to figure it out. I'm in therapy to fix my own issues and I am getting better at reasoning and leaving him out of them. Sometimes people have problems.. I didn't do this to be malicious. Edited December 29, 2009 by insecureeeyep
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