Another Needs Space deal

[Twizzz]

Hello all I am new here and just now registered but I check out some posts and figured this would be a good place to start.

 

I have been dating a girl for 3 years now and we've had some bad times and good times, but recently we've went through alot,

When we first met we had both gotten out of bad relationships and were more looking for someone to hang out with and experement with and la la la that changed quickly it got to were we missed each other so badly and could not stay away from each other, it seemed like going more than a day would just kill us, I could not work for her calling and telling me she loved me all the time and she couldnt study or work for me doing the same.

We both are different people I work for a Police Dept and she works at a restraunt, I like old fashion things watching movies, hanging out, BBQ's things like that and she likes Tattoos piercings going out to movies and eating out all the time so were pretty different but we always agreed on several things we loved each other, we wanted to get married and have kids and we understood that we had to work and do other things and could not always be together.

 

Well first thing that started messing with us was my job, I love my Job and was in the change of being a Dispatcher to going on the Road as a Police Officer so I started spending time, Lots of time where I worked and I mean spending days off at work and letting her sleep at home by herself (by the way we live together apartment), well she finally came to me and told me how bad it bothered her and I told her I was sorry and that i would stop so I put that on hold and continued my dispatching and spent my time off with her. Within the past couple months she has been going all the time and getting new tattoo's pirecings and things like that and I was very overprotective and told her I wish she would go get this stuff done because for one I thought it made her look bad and I didnt like the friends she was going and doing this stuff with, Well she came home one day with a Tattoo and I blew up and asked her why? and then she showed me what it was of and it was of my name and she told me that she got it to show me how much she loved me, and I felt very very bad and told her it was ok and I was sorry. One week later she went and did the same thing and of course stupid me blew up again and told her I didnt want to see her right then I need some time to think...... Well the next couple days were very strange even though it only took about 2 hours for me to calm down something was wrong so she comes to me and tells me she needs to talk, She tells me that the reason shes acting funny is because the night I told her I needed time to think she thought it was over and she says she felt awfull and hated her self so she went out and found a random stranger a slept with him, she says she didnt even know his name and she says the reason she did it was because she felt awful for making me feel bad and thought she deserved to be treated like a whore, after a long talk I told her that her sleeping with someone was bad but I still loved her and if she still loved me then I thought we could work through everything she kept saying that I deserved someone better and that she was just a stupid whore and I told her no not to talk that way and it would be ok, well a couple weeks ago she told me that she had been talking to someone the whole time we were having problems but it was not the person she slept with and it was just a friend, then she said " She Needed Some Space" to think about stuff.

 

She says that she loves me more than I can imagine but she doesnt think that its right to love me and have feelings for someone else as well and she says she needs time to think and make sure that I am the person that she wants to spend the rest of her life with and so pretty much I have spent the last couple weeks broken down telling her how sorry I am for ever treating her bad and that I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her and I've told her that I forgive her for everything that I ever did wrong, she still continues to see this person "her friend" and she claims that it is to see if I am the right person BUT she has told me that she will not have a physical relationship with him she just wants to see if she could see him being with her and she says she wants time to think about the last 3 years and make sure thats what she wants, she also claims that she can't stay in the same room as me because it brings back memories and she needs time to think right now and she won't come home because she says theres memories everywhere she looks so My Question is this and sorry for everyone having to read every bit of this but,

 

What am I to do, Is she just letting me down easy or do you think that she is trying to work things out and really make sure that I'm the one I want? and also if anyone has had a similar case please let me know how to deal with it and how to work things out,

 

I really do love here and would love to marry her someday but I just don't know what to do right now

[Island Girl]

She is telling you to wait around while she tries out dating another guy.

 

No matter how long it has been or what she says. That is the gist of it.

 

Do not sugar coat it or wrap it up in so many details it hides from view.

 

What would you do if anyone else said "Hmmm. I really don't know if you are good enough for me. So wait here - stay completely stuck on me though - and I'm going to date someone else. Then I'll let you know what I figure out."

 

If you say anything other than - "I am not a toy to be played with and shelved etc. If you want a break - you've got a break - a permanent one. Figure out whatever you need to figure out but I will not be put on hold, be your personal doormat, or emotional crutch."

 

And then go NC. Get your life for you back - get your back bone back - and she will respect you. If she comes to you she knows you will not accept less than ALL.

If she doesn't come to you for another chance it was over and would have dragged you through the cesspool of grief and tragedy. So you can consider yourself lucky to be able to move on to someone else.

[HLP234]

At least she tells you the truth. I'm told she doesn't know what she wants and she needs time to see if we connect, after knowing each other for so damn long too.

 

If she tells you she wants to see this other guy than don't accept second treatment. I wish I knew what was going on in my situation because I'm breaking myself down just sitting and waiting. She just says she needs her time, time to not worry, and think about it now, wants me to hang out and talk to her, pretend everything is ok.

 

That is what confuses me. I try no contact and she just keeps contacting me, saying I'm giving up, I'm not trying anymore. But when I do try she doesn't want to work it out because she doesn't know what she wants.

 

Its tough and it sucks but we have to focus on ourselves now. I wish I could just let go without regret that I am being rude or ignoring someone and later down the road have her say I really wanted you back but you shut me out.