cbcprincess04 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I got divorced this year and was glad. Soon after I started dating a friend of ours who was also going through a divorce. The issue I am having is realising that myself and my new partner are currently just "dating" and I can't expect the commitment of marriage yet. I don't want to get married yet, don't get me wrong, but because of the situtation I keep getting carried away and expecting too much. Here's the deal: My partnet and ex-husband are both military. They worked together and that how we met. We are all stationed overseas. Any military spouse will understand what a close community that creates when you have friends that you spend pretty much all your time with. Myself and my partner both knew we were unhappy in our marriage and so did the rest of our friends. We both went through mutual and civilised break-ups and our exes are fine with us now being together. But as we are overseas we really had no choice but to move in together pretty much straight away when my ex-husband changed bases and his ex wife moved away. We were wary about moving in so soon but couldn't really see any other option if we wanted to be together. We have our ups and downs just like any couple but now we have been together about 7 months and I am starting to realise that I am asking too much sometimes. Because I came straight out of one marriage and moved in with someone who keeps pretty much the same lifestyle, I find it difficult to not feel like a spouse again and difficult to just act like a girlfriend. I really want to make this relationship work and I really think it will, but how do I stop acting like a wife and start acting like a girlfriend, because that is all either of us are ready for right now. Please help, I don't want to scare him away and I think I am starting to, I need to stop before things get any worse. Thanks
ZeGuitarist Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 At the risk of repeating things you've probably heard and already know, the short answer is to give yourself space, which is admittedly probably a challenge for your current situation. The main difference between a girlfriend, and something more, often times comes down to how much time you set aside for him vs. how much time you set aside for yourself. I was in a similar situation myself a few years back when I started seeing this girl who was very similar to the other girl whom recently walked out on me at the time. I found that I was spending WAY too much time around her (she had a lot more freetime than the ex), and the time we were spending was too...intimate, I guess is the best word. To fix it, I limited how often I'd see her, and got us to get out and do date-ish things rather to just hang out inside, watching movies/tv, etc. when we did see each other. It worked pretty well for us for a while, at least long enough for outside circumstances to run amok and bring things to an end, haha. Perhaps a similar approach might work for you.
ZeGuitarist Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 At the risk of repeating things you've probably heard and already know, the short answer is to give yourself space, which is admittedly probably a challenge for your current situation. The main difference between a girlfriend, and something more, often times comes down to how much time you set aside for him vs. how much time you set aside for yourself. I was in a similar situation myself a few years back when I started seeing this girl who was very similar to the other girl whom recently walked out on me at the time. I found that I was spending WAY too much time around her (she had a lot more freetime than the ex), and the time we were spending was too...intimate, I guess is the best word. To fix it, I limited how often I'd see her, and got us to get out and do date-ish things rather to just hang out inside, watching movies/tv, etc. when we did see each other. It worked pretty well for us for a while, at least long enough for outside circumstances to run amok and bring things to an end, haha. Perhaps a similar approach might work for you.
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