soconfusing Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 A few weeks ago, after going on a bunch of dates, I met this guy that I fell so hard for that I quit my serial dating ways. In a nutshell, we were done in just a few weeks and I was crushed and obsessed over why he didn't want to date me. (Of course, I never said anything to him). Since then, I've been on one date. ONE. Before I met that guy, let's call him Jimmy, I was going on 3-4 dates a week. Like I said, serial dating. Now, I can't seem to get a single date. I still think about "Jimmy" even though I thought I was over him. Little things remind me of him. I got rid of things that reminded me of him, pictures, his number, etc. But now when I watch tv, I see people say and do things that remind me of him, argh! The crazy thing is I usually take a week or less to completely move on. But since him... obviously there's something I haven't been able to let go of or I would easily been able to jump back into my earlier dating habits. So, basically, recently I've had probably 4 or 5 guys ask me out. One wanted to go to the movies that evening and I told him I would prefer drinks or coffee. He said he'd get back to me in a bit. He did... 3 days later but I ignored the text. Then another guy was just literally begging me to talk to him and when I finally agreed to a date, I stopped hearing from him. More specifically, I told him I might be available on the weekend, depending on how much studying I had to do (I'm in college - it's finals week). Then this other guy just today asked me out to this place that's about 40 miles away from me... I didn't realize he lived so far away though... I told him it was a really far drive. He said he'd call me in a couple days. I'm kinda thinking he won't actually call me, lol. Okay, so TWO questions here: 1) If a guy wants to take you out for an activity but maybe you don't like that particular activity (let's take movies for an example), yet you DO want to go out with him, how do you handle it? Do you suggest another activity that you would prefer? Or do you graciously accept his invitation to whatever he first suggested? And my second question: 2) WHAT is my problem??
davids Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Okay, so TWO questions here: 1) If a guy wants to take you out for an activity but maybe you don't like that particular activity (let's take movies for an example), yet you DO want to go out with him, how do you handle it? Do you suggest another activity that you would prefer? Or do you graciously accept his invitation to whatever he first suggested? And my second question: 2) WHAT is my problem?? Alright, im a guy first of all. If youre interested in the guy, but you dont like that particular activity, then you arent very outgoing at all. Try new things, you may have fun with him. The activity is basically a way to get to know a little about each other in a comfortable setting
Author soconfusing Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 That's a really good point actually. Thanks
boogieboy Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Your problem is youre appearing wishy washy to these guys. What you said to these guys here, to them sound like blowoffs. "I told him I might be available on the weekend, depending on how much studying I had to do" "I told him it was a really far drive." Women typically leave themselves an out when they dont like the guy that much, these guys know this, so they dont bother calling you back thinking youre not all that interested. If you want dates, make a definite DATE, show them youre interested, dont make it sound like youre too busy to hang out. They will take it the wrong way. Dont tell them "I might be available", tell them the night youre available. Make definite plans. Dont tell them theyre too far, show them youre interested by suggesting a place you like thats closer. If you say they have to get past that and try harder, no they dont. And theyve proved that. If I got those responses from you, Id suggest a night right away, and if you didnt agree to one, then I know youre not that interested, and I blow you off.
Author soconfusing Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Your problem is youre appearing wishy washy to these guys. What you said to these guys here, to them sound like blowoffs. "I told him I might be available on the weekend, depending on how much studying I had to do" "I told him it was a really far drive." Women typically leave themselves an out when they dont like the guy that much, these guys know this, so they dont bother calling you back thinking youre not all that interested. If you want dates, make a definite DATE, show them youre interested, dont make it sound like youre too busy to hang out. They will take it the wrong way. Dont tell them "I might be available", tell them the night youre available. Make definite plans. Dont tell them theyre too far, show them youre interested by suggesting a place you like thats closer. If you say they have to get past that and try harder, no they dont. And theyve proved that. If I got those responses from you, Id suggest a night right away, and if you didnt agree to one, then I know youre not that interested, and I blow you off. I appreciate the cold hard truth, I really do! But I don't think they need to try harder. I just figured there was something I was saying that was killing it before it started. But I can only guess it's that my lack of real interest comes across since I seem to have this other guy stuck in my head. *sigh*
ZeGuitarist Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Your problem is youre appearing wishy washy to these guys. ... Women typically leave themselves an out when they dont like the guy that much, these guys know this, so they dont bother calling you back thinking youre not all that interested. Couldn't have put it better myself. If you're interested in the guy, but not interested in the plan, it becomes your job to suggest an alternative plan/time for the date. Most guys worth their salt know the signs that a girl isn't interested, which you seem to be giving (perhaps unwittingly) to them.
Author soconfusing Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Couldn't have put it better myself. If you're interested in the guy, but not interested in the plan, it becomes your job to suggest an alternative plan/time for the date. Most guys worth their salt know the signs that a girl isn't interested, which you seem to be giving (perhaps unwittingly) to them. So then it's not considered rude or incorrect to suggest an alternative?
boogieboy Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 So then it's not considered rude or incorrect to suggest an alternative? Hell naw, unless the guy had a laid out plan and you shoot it down.. But if youre suggesting alternatives, then they know you still want to go out with them, everyone wins. If you got the other guy stuck in your head, then you should be turning down dates until you clear him out. Dont give your number to guys that youre not that interested in, thats a waste of your time. AND those guys apparently arent helping you forget about your guy. Hold off at least until you see a guy that REALLY rings your bells when you meet him...
Boundary Problem Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 If you got the other guy stuck in your head, then you should be turning down dates until you clear him out. Dont give your number to guys that youre not that interested in, thats a waste of your time. AND those guys apparently arent helping you forget about your guy. Hold off at least until you see a guy that REALLY rings your bells when you meet him... Unbelievable.
Author soconfusing Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Unbelievable. I know, I know. I've been trying to go on other dates so I could forget about this guy faster. After all, he made me forget about anyone else I ever dated once I started dating him, didn't he?
Boundary Problem Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I know, I know. I've been trying to go on other dates so I could forget about this guy faster. After all, he made me forget about anyone else I ever dated once I started dating him, didn't he? Exactly. It is important to get out the house and meet people. It is a big world out there. Our lives are finite. Mind you easier said than done. I went out on a 'date' the other night and as usual, he talked about himself the whole time. yawn. Some of his friends joined us and they were more interesting. Married. But just interesting people to talk to.
steve_o Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Yeah, make someone else have to forget you.
MadDriver Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Where are you meeting so many guys that you can sustain a rate of 3-4 new dates week?
Author soconfusing Posted December 12, 2009 Author Posted December 12, 2009 mostly online, like plenty of fish... Admittedly though, 3 to 4 dates a week WAS pretty stressful!
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