AloneinTexas Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 So i have been talking to a girl for a month almost now, shes meeting me in a few days for our first date. Things are going really well. But let me sidetrack for a second with my concern: I am on a long sabbatical with a friend right now, whos a guy my age. We are both single. He is a guy i trust but not with girls. If anyone can relate, you know what I mean. Well when I first started talking to this girl, he also added her as a friend on FB. So of course I have to pretend like Im unfazed but at the same time keep my distance with this girl. Because I know he would tread on my turf if given any sort of attention from the girl. Well today, I was texting the girl Ive been talking to and thats coming to meet me in a couple days...and throughout the texts, she name drops my friend 3 or 4 times. But I was unsure if I had any leverage to say anything because her roommate had texted me a coupe times over the past couple days (I think both girls were present together while this was happening.) So I was thinking originally that the girl I am talking to was just trying to maybe make me jealous because I had texted the roomie a couple times. I didnt say anything until tonight, in a joking way, "Boy, you sure do bring up ***** in convo a lot. Maybe I should inform you of (something sexual thats a hit on my friend)" Well we talked on the phone again tonight and she brings up my friend towards the end of it all saying "Yeah im just using u to get to him." And before this, she mentioned if he was coming to the airport too, to pick her up. I laughed the whole thing off, but it really is giving me a complex. I just wanna come out and say "look, if you have any interest in ***** then tell me now cuz I dont wanna be wasting my time anymore." Obviously thats too harsh for one. And 2, am I in the "right" to even ask? Is this a test?
Yukikazi Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Depends on her tone when she told you she was using you to get to him and he was coming to the airport also. Then again you could ask your roomie wtf is up
soconfusing Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 If she was mentioning him that often, she is definitely very interested in him. If I was dating someone I was really interested in, I am VERY careful NOT to mention any other guy's names unless I have a completely platonic relationship with that other guy and can solidly back that up. Otherwise, it just invites jealousy and doubt into everything. So yes, she is definitely using you to get to your friend.
ZeGuitarist Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Well we talked on the phone again tonight and she brings up my friend towards the end of it all saying "Yeah im just using u to get to him." And before this, she mentioned if he was coming to the airport too, to pick her up. I laughed the whole thing off, but it really is giving me a complex. Not sure what the context for that quote was, but I'd say that's legit reason to ask whether or not she's into you or your friend. You could also ask your friend what, if anything, is going on between the two of them. One thing to look into in that regard is to see if your name comes up in conversation between them. You might be in trouble if it doesn't. Were it me, I would be direct and simply ask her if she's just using me to get my friend, and then if she said "No," probably improvise a made-up story about how one of my other friends was "hilariously" in a similar situation, but I'll "tell her that story another time," and then change the subject. Listen to what your gut tells you. It's far more reliable that what your mind can rationalize 90% of the time. If you think she's just using you to get to him, something has already gone wrong (and she probably is). If you think about it, if she says she's not into him, how likely is it you'll believe her?
Author AloneinTexas Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 She said the whole "using me to get to him" in a joking manner because we had been laughing the whole time, but it still struck a nerve with me. Regardless...I still sent her an email, and told her I am only interestd in her and if she feels otherwise then to just tell me. She is very blunt and has no reason to lie. I would believe her with whatever she says...
Author AloneinTexas Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 (edited) welll she replied saying this: as the flamingos would say, i only have eyes for you.... and thank you for being expressive! i didn't even know you were really that drunk! i was just joking but also asking about the airport stuff to get an idea of the trip and whatnot. so now i know and i'm still very excited. now the nerves have set in and i've lost my appetitie. we used to call this the nervous love diet, when you have a crush on someone and can't eat. ahhhhhh. ok, talk to you, and only you, later (as i mentioned earlier i think, i had been somewhaat drunk on the phone and we were just making voices and laughing. i am not bringing my friend around either, for our date...and i DO believe her. she told me 2 days ago she had butterflies, which she has never gotten b4 meeting someone.) Edited December 11, 2009 by AloneinTexas editedit
Yukikazi Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I think its safe to say that you are good and not to worry
phineas Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 It really is amazing what direct comunication can accomplish when it comes to the opposite sex.
Author AloneinTexas Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 yeah, my guess is with a large portion of women is this... they will test you. i forgot to mention that earlier in the night she texted me "hey im out wwith 8 other people on a date; jealous? i think so." i didnt give her the satisfaction of knowing i was jealous at the time, but usually when I dont (in my dating history) they will start backing away. When I DO show i am jealous/insecure, as goofy as it sounds, it works. I guess its their way of solidifiing in their head that your in this for the long haul.
threebyfate Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Maybe she was testing you or maybe she was just kidding, like she said. Net result, she's not interested in your friend and that's all that matters. Unless she keeps doing this, over and over again, it's a non-issue.
Author AloneinTexas Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Like i said earlier, we are on the road, have been for 3 months. I told him (my friend with me) yesterday I would be taking my date to our own hotel and doing our own thing to which he was surprised, cuz he thought we would all be hanging out. I told him I wanted to make it a real date (ie just me and her), but really most of it is to make sure he doesnt get on my turf and flirt with my date. And my date is mid 20s, and her history with guys is different than my history with women. She has never had a real bf, but is at a point where she wants something real. I am not going to judge her past. She is from a broken home as well, but is and has been going to weekly counseling for some of her issues. She's being proactive. Honestly, i dont think there has been much game playing. I think things can be worse with a lot of girls. She didnt try to get me jealous she said, she was just joking around with me. But the fact I came forward with my feelings, she appreciated it. Im not going to be positive nor negative about this date. I just want to have fun and have an open mind. I know a lot of you people can be negative or cynical based on my description of this story, as you have a right to be, but i guess I shouldnt have asked advice in the first place; i should have just wrote her my feelings...which I did. Anything anyone writes now just serves to plant the seed of doubt based on a loose desription of a talk last night, which is obviously biased towards me. I do appreciate what ppl have said thus far and I will make a thread in 3 days after the date to let you know how it went.
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