Artist Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Ok I will fill this out in more detail later but for now I have a very simple question. I basicly just told my ex who has broken up with me for the 3rd time to never contact me again. I did this to let myself heal as she keeps contacting me. But now I am wondering if doing that makes it even more likely she will contact me. We dated 3 months and she breaks up. Then comes back and wants to go again. We do and she falls in love as do I. Then she breaks up and says she is scared of love. She has had some serious abuse in her past. She asks me to come over and talk which I do and she tells me she broke up because she realized she had fallen in love with me and it scared her to death. It has been about a week since she broke up. I say what do you want? She says "you." I say ok but you cannot do this to me again. She agrees. I tell her she will run again but she needs to talk to me about it. So a few months go by and she breaks up again at the begining of Nov. I say fine..wish you well.. have a nice life. She then immediatley contacts me. The next night she contacts me again and we chat for 2 hours. She tells me she has been crying every night, looking at my facebook page every day. I say why do you keep contacting me if you want me gone? She says I do not want you gone I thought you would want me gone. I say but you broke up with me. She says I know see how screwed up I am..I know it makes no sense. I tell her I have come after her twice and if anything is going to change she will have to intiate it. She says "I will..I just can't right now" So we say goodbye. She canceled on me for halloween night and I find out she went out with this other guy. She lied and told me she was sick. She then started a relationship with him that weekend which was a few days before she broke up with me. But then a week later she is contacting me in the way I described above.?????? I just ignore her and start grieveing and don't contact her anymore. 2 weeks later she sends me this email saying she is glad I am doing so great and I look fantastic. She is visiting my web site and because it has tracking I can see that she is up at 4:30 am looking at it. ????????? She tells me all about her vacation in a way that lets me know she did not spend it with her new guy. Talks about her kids and other stuff. Then comments again how glad she is that I look so great and that my life is going so well. I don't respond. A few days later I find out about her cheating on me for halloween. I send her an email telling her how pissed I am at her for that and hurt but tell I will still be friends but had to tell her how I feel. Later in the day I think screw this. I send her a one line email. "Bye. Please never contact me again." I am not going back to her no matter what she says as she has lied and cheated on me but here is the question. Is she more likely to contact me again after I sent that last email 2 days ago?
Ronni_W Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Is she more likely to contact me again after I sent that last email 2 days ago? It's impossible to tell. But, given her pattern, she is most likely gonna contact you again...whether or not you sent that email. So, I'd suggest not to sweat it. What is it that you are getting out of this totally dysfunctional 'dance' that you guys have got going on over there, that has thus far prevented you from blocking and deleting her from every single way she has of contacting you or checking up on you? Cos if you REALLY wanted her out of your life permanently, that's what you would have done...isn't it?
Author Artist Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Yes you are right. It took me until this past week to let go. She was just so hot and seemed very sincere in getting councling. It was not until I saw she had lied and went out with other guy that I said that is it. I sent the email after reading posts on here. It was hard to do cause I thought an email like that would piss her off and I would never hear from her again. So I was trying to cut the ties. But then today I was talking to a friend and she said, "Oh that is going to totally make her want to contact you now that you have kissed her off." So I was just wondering if what people thought. I was deeply in love with her and have been devistated by what I found out. Greving hard for 5 weeks. But she does not know that. So just wondering if people thought the email would push her away or make her more likely to contact me.
Boundary Problem Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 How about you run your side of the relationship and she run hers. Rather than you trying to run both sides. If she was cheating on you, I can see why you wouldn't give her much more of your time. It is up to you how you choose to spend your time.
Author Artist Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Not sure what u mean? I am not contacting her. Do u mean because I still am grieving and can't help but wonder if she is going to contact me again that I am running both sides?
Boundary Problem Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I told my ex who has broken up with me for the 3rd time to never contact me again. I did this to let myself heal But now I am wondering if doing that makes it even more likely she will contact me. she tells me she broke up because she realized she had fallen in love with me and it scared her to death. I say what do you want? She says "you." I say ok but you cannot do this to me again. She agrees. So a few months go by and she breaks up again at the begining of Nov. I say fine..wish you well.. have a nice life. The next night she contacts me again and we chat for 2 hours. I tell her I have come after her twice and if anything is going to change she will have to intiate it. She canceled on me for halloween night and I find out she went out with this other guy. She lied and told me she was sick. She then started a relationship with him that weekend which was a few days before she broke up with me. A few days later I find out about her cheating on me for halloween. I send her an email telling her how pissed I am at her for that and hurt but tell I will still be friends but had to tell her how I feel. I send her a one line email. "Bye. Please never contact me again." Is she more likely to contact me again after I sent that last email 2 days ago? You are letting her dictate your emotions and your life. She is over-riding your own personal boundaries and decisions about healing and no-contact. Why are you giving her this control? Who cares how she will react. Just determine your own lifestyle and ignore her attempts to take up your time. You control how your time is spent not her. Trying to predict how she will act is impossible because she is a chameleon and she will do whatever is necessary to try to get your attention, until you genuinely move on - ie with another woman. If you are wondering how she will react to this and that, then maybe you are still in love with her. That is what I get from your thread - you are still hung up on her.
Author Artist Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 Oh yes I am. I wish I could take a pill and stop that feeling. Or obsessing over her. Actually it has gotten a lot better in the past 5 weeks. I do feel I am healing. And telling her to never contact me again was hard. It gels like it is happening in stages. I am crying less, obsessing less, exercising a ton and seeing a theripist. Right or wrong I just have some questions so figured I would give it a try.
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