GrayClouds Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Possibly I am just poop out or, ironically an uninteresting a case of emotional constipation. I want to let out a rant, a rage. I even take a good manly cry. But could it be I am currently too manly of a man for such unmanly emotions? Considering the source, it is highly likely not and this is no disrespect to myself...I am proud of that sensitive side, damn it (and I kick you A$$ if you saying any difference). Could it be I reach an emotive Cul-de-Sac with a treeless lined street of emotional McMansions in a suburban hell a few miles south of Heartbreakville? A parcel of repetition where the inference of something important is little more then affective facades that houses hollowness. Left to feel neither good nor bad, these once dominate demarcations has been erased by emptiness. Turning around does not seem like a good idea and there does not appear to be another way out. So I sit idling in indifference in a place that is draining my soul. It leaves me thinking the engine of encouragement is running out of the fuel of faith. It will be cold but I will sleep in this car to night and, who knows, tomorrow in the light of a new day, maybe I will find some change between the seats and a station to top off the tank. Lets hope because, damn the needle is getting close to "E". .
Boundary Problem Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Hope you feel better soon GrayClouds
Island Girl Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 wow. Descriptive post. I am sorry you are feeling discouraged that you are idling where you are. But like everything - you aren't idling. You are moving along toward a relationship you can't even see yet. If a woman - fantastic in every way - appeared tomorrow would you be ready? Naaaah. You have to get back to liking life and yourself and the world first. That can take a little while. I'm not sure where you are in the process of getting over it or what exactly happened GC. But I have read posts of yours and I will go learn more at this point. Cheer up GC. I can't stand seeing you like this. And yes. Of course you should be proud of that sensitive side. You're just as proud of that manly capable and stoic side too aren't you?
Kic Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 If a woman - fantastic in every way - appeared tomorrow would you be ready? Naaaah. LOL...that was a good chuckle. You're right, of course. Few men can truly say that they are at their best and ready for such a woman to walk by. Chances are, she'll walk by me tomorrow when my game is around 75% and I'll take look, take a swing of beer and then mosey on over to this other chica with the lazy eye and an STD.
Island Girl Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 LOL...that was a good chuckle. You're right, of course. Few men can truly say that they are at their best and ready for such a woman to walk by. Chances are, she'll walk by me tomorrow when my game is around 75% and I'll take look, take a swing of beer and then mosey on over to this other chica with the lazy eye and an STD. That was really, really funny and absolutely true. But I can vouch for the attractive girl. She just may not get hit on as often as you think. Your 75% might look good to her. You should give it a shot at least - what do you have to lose?
mickleb Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Really, GC? You'd rather have the pain than the ennui? x
sean1970 Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Really, GC? You'd rather have the pain than the ennui? x Letting go of the pain too often seems like letting go of them. I swung from that circus ring not too long ago and now have a firm chalked-up grip on loneliness now.
Author GrayClouds Posted December 12, 2009 Author Posted December 12, 2009 Really, GC? You'd rather have the pain than the ennui? x The emu looks painful to: http://img68.imageshack.us/img68/822/emu.jpg
threebyfate Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Grayclouds, don't you dare turn into one of those guys who hold fast to the pain, since it makes them feel alive. Bad mojo. You'll pass this stage, if you let yourself. Just keep letting go. She won't be your last love.
Author GrayClouds Posted December 12, 2009 Author Posted December 12, 2009 BP, thanks for the encouraging words. IG, If she did show up I would want to take her home but my truck is in the shop, I hope she does not mind a walk in in the 10 degree below zero.
Author GrayClouds Posted December 12, 2009 Author Posted December 12, 2009 Grayclouds, don't you dare turn into one of those guys who hold fast to the pain, since it makes them feel alive. Bad mojo. You'll pass this stage, if you let yourself. Just keep letting go. She won't be your last love. It is not the girl, it's not the even pain. They are both still there like a rock in the shoe but it there not keeping me from the hike. Thought the hike is starting to feel I heading back to where I came from rather then some place new. As Brightmoon asked what do I want to happen? A sign from my god, a divine message from my dog, something that this process is moving forward. To see I am not just treading water until I sleep with the fishes, to feeling this is more then simple surviving. I am not looking for a life boat even though I can see the sharks circling. I want to see an island, some where to swim to. I want to see that this effort is leading me somewhere besides the place I was before.
threebyfate Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 It is not the girl, it's not the even pain. They are both still there like a rock in the shoe but it is not keeping me from the hike. As Brightmoon asked what do I want to happen? A sign from my god, a divine message from my dog that this process is moving forward. To see I am not just treading water until I sleep with the fishes, to feeling this is more then simple surviving. I am not looking for a life boat even though I can see the sharks circling. I want to see an island, some where to swim to. I want to see that this effort is leading me somewhere besides the place I was before.You're looking for guarantees that don't exist. You're looking for a reward, for what you've experienced. Ain't gonna' happen GC and if you sit down and think about it, you also know this to be true. Reward yourself by continuing to move on. You'll get by this funk. Just kick start yourself when you're ready.
Author GrayClouds Posted December 12, 2009 Author Posted December 12, 2009 You're looking for guarantees that don't exist. You're looking for a reward, for what you've experienced. Ain't gonna' happen GC and if you sit down and think about it, you also know this to be true. Reward yourself by continuing to move on. You'll get by this funk. Just kick start yourself when you're ready. I will grantyou it is quite unnameable to accept all this little happy hoedown of heartbreak is not necessarily for something better... PS. I have not been able to run for a week so I may be having endorphin withdraw
mickleb Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 You have had your belly ripped out by the sharks before and grown a new one. (Almost as painful as that emu having a go). F*ck the sharks - bunch of pussies. (How come - although this is rhetorical - I can say 'pussies' but not 'f*ck'? The former is much ruder..) Your truck needs fixing, you haven't been running for a week, it's as icy as Paris Hilton's nether regions out there and no-one's warming your cockles. I suggest real hot chocolate, whisky - even better - Drambuie, chicken soup, making my curry recipe or a massive fish pie, your favourite films on DVD, tug-of-war with the dog, a bedroom disco, a warm bath with bay oil in it, buying someone near a tiny present, making your work colleagues laugh out loud and teaching chess to someone who's not very good at it. Then really read and think about this poem and remember that Spring will soon be here: I WANDERED LONELY AS A CLOUD I wandered lonely as a cloud That floats on high o'er vales and hills, When all at once I saw a crowd, A host of golden daffodils; Beside the lake, beneath the trees, Fluttering and dancing in the breeze. Continuous as the stars that shine and twinkle on the Milky Way, They stretched in never-ending line along the margin of a bay: Ten thousand saw I at a glance, tossing their heads in sprightly dance. The waves beside them danced; but they Out-did the sparkling waves in glee: A poet could not but be gay, in such a jocund company: I gazed - and gazed - but little thought what wealth the show to me had brought: For oft, when on my couch I lie In vacant or in pensive mood, They flash upon that inward eye Which is the bliss of solitude; And then my heart with pleasure fills, And dances with the daffodils. x
Author GrayClouds Posted December 12, 2009 Author Posted December 12, 2009 I WANDERED LONELY AS A CLOUD yes as lonely as a Gray cloud...sniff, sniff PS Ma'm, this is twice in two days you made me look up words, it is starting to feel like homework, ...now why do I have VH's Hot for Teacher going through my head... .
LovelyDaze Posted December 12, 2009 Posted December 12, 2009 Grayclouds, don't you dare turn into one of those guys who hold fast to the pain, since it makes them feel alive. Bad mojo. You'll pass this stage, if you let yourself. Just keep letting go. She won't be your last love. threebyfate is correct. She won' be your last love. I think ALL of us know we will meet another again. We just don't know when,where or how. We all have to remember that we didn't see our exes coming. All of my exes started off as just simple co-workers, college classmates, or just some guy I sat next to in the insurance company office. NEVER thought of them as a person I could fall in love with....until I did.
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