XKatieX Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 (edited) I just had a long talk with my ex tonight, again. He lost his brother in July to MS. Keep in mind though his brother was the closest thing to him, all the family he has left is his mom. He does not have any close friends, but he has been talking to me on and off about this. Tonight he sounded very depressed, more depressed than I've ever seen him in the 3 years that I've known him, he sounded very serious about taking his life..and said it would be any day now before he would do it. I tried to tell him he needs to seek help, talk to someone or talk to his mom, but he refused..he just kept saying there's no other way out. He said that it might as well just be goodbye, he said that he'd know Id find someone else and that he knows I dont want to be with him anymore because he wasnt the same person he was, and he never will be again. I tried to call him, I even tried to call his mom..but he will not help himself, he will not let me help either. I am just so worried, because he has absolutely no one right now, his mom is away right now as well. I know exactly how he feels right now, there has been many times I've felt like taking my own life because I didn't want to be alone, thats why I want to reach out to him. I just don't want him to do something as serious as taking his own life, I want to stop him if he's going to do it. I could not live with out him like this. Edited December 11, 2009 by XKatieX
GrayClouds Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I am very sorry Katie, your obviously a very kind and generous person. My thoughts are with you. I wish I could offer more.
USMCHokie Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I sort of have two differing opinions on this...suicide is certainly a serious matter, but in my experience, real suicide cases are much more subtle in their red flags and warning signs...because they honestly don't care about the repercussions of their actions...and please don't take this the wrong way, but those that make grand statements of suicide are more often than not completely full of sh*t...they may use this tactic to get a response and get sympathy for their situation...or guilt you into thinking that you're the only "cure" for him... I'm not saying that this is the case with your ex, but in my experience with suicide cases in the military, most legit suicide risks seemingly come out of nowhere...but A VAST MAJORITY of them involve a relationship... Now saying that, there are two approaches...if you honestly feel that this is a serious concern, then see him in person. You basically have to force him to let you help him...and you have to be there in person to do that...not over the phone, not online or via text message...you really have to be there with him to help him figure it all out... The other way is to give him what he wants...let him figure it out on his own...you two are broken up...you're not in each others' lives anymore...maybe you being there will be more hurtful than helpful to him...
GrayClouds Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I sort of have two differing opinions on this...suicide is certainly a serious matter, but in my experience, real suicide cases are much more subtle in their red flags and warning signs...because they honestly don't care about the repercussions of their actions...and please don't take this the wrong way, but those that make grand statements of suicide are more often than not completely full of sh*t...they may use this tactic to get a response and get sympathy for their situation...or guilt you into thinking that you're the only "cure" for him... I'm not saying that this is the case with your ex, but in my experience with suicide cases in the military, most legit suicide risks seemingly come out of nowhere...but A VAST MAJORITY of them involve a relationship... Now saying that, there are two approaches...if you honestly feel that this is a serious concern, then see him in person. You basically have to force him to let you help him...and you have to be there in person to do that...not over the phone, not online or via text message...you really have to be there with him to help him figure it all out... The other way is to give him what he wants...let him figure it out on his own...you two are broken up...you're not in each others' lives anymore...maybe you being there will be more hurtful than helpful to him... Yes, it is obvious he needs help but they say it is when they stop talking about it is even more serious.
Author XKatieX Posted December 11, 2009 Author Posted December 11, 2009 (edited) I sort of have two differing opinions on this...suicide is certainly a serious matter, but in my experience, real suicide cases are much more subtle in their red flags and warning signs...because they honestly don't care about the repercussions of their actions...and please don't take this the wrong way, but those that make grand statements of suicide are more often than not completely full of sh*t...they may use this tactic to get a response and get sympathy for their situation...or guilt you into thinking that you're the only "cure" for him... I'm not saying that this is the case with your ex, but in my experience with suicide cases in the military, most legit suicide risks seemingly come out of nowhere...but A VAST MAJORITY of them involve a relationship... Now saying that, there are two approaches...if you honestly feel that this is a serious concern, then see him in person. You basically have to force him to let you help him...and you have to be there in person to do that...not over the phone, not online or via text message...you really have to be there with him to help him figure it all out... The other way is to give him what he wants...let him figure it out on his own...you two are broken up...you're not in each others' lives anymore...maybe you being there will be more hurtful than helpful to him... I wish I could see him in person, but he lives far away from me. It's not like he lives right down the street from me or else I would get in my car and go. You are right though, I told him to please not do this and that I'd always be here for him if he needed to talk. The only thing I can really do is HOPE that he does not do something like this and comes to his senses. The other thing is he's never ever once mentioned suicide until he lost his brother, hes always seen it as cowardly I think, and hes not the type to say something like that just for attention or sympathy from me. Edited December 11, 2009 by XKatieX
USMCHokie Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 I wish I could see him in person, but he lives far away from me. It's not like he lives right down the street from me or else I would get in my car and go. You are right though, I told him to please not do this and that I'd always be here for him if he needed to talk. The only thing I can really do is HOPE that he does not do something like this and comes to his senses. The other thing is he's never ever once mentioned suicide until he lost his brother, hes always seen it as cowardly I think, and hes not the type to say something like that just for attention or sympathy from me. In your situation, you're right, the best you can do is lend an ear to his problems...he will come to you if he needs it and is comfortable enough talking to you about it... In response to the bolded line above: one thing I learned in my past relationship is that no matter how much you think you know a person, you will never truly know him/her...don't assume one way or the other whether he's capable of suicide or capable of faking it...it'll only cloud your judgment when it matters...
Recommended Posts