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How can I ask if he's seeing anyone else without having an "exclusivity talk"?

Scarlett513

By Scarlett513
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Scarlett513 Established Member

Scarlett513

Posted
Posted

I've been dating this guy about a month. We recently started sleeping together, I met his mom, he invited me to his office holiday party, blah blah. The way he talks, it seems like he's only seeing me but I never assume anything.

 

Lately I've felt like he was fishing for info about whether or not I was seeing anyone other than him. On the phone tonight I felt like he was fishing again and so I told him no, I'm not seeing anyone else right now. It was an awkward convo and bc of the awkwardness I didn't ask him if he was or not. But now I want to know!!

 

I'd like to find out whether he's seeing others but I don't know how to do that without saying "are we exclusive, are you my boyfriend?" Especially since that's not the reason I'm asking - I want to know bc if he's seeing others I'd like to keep my options open (in terms of dating, not sex). I also feel that I need to be aware for my own sexual safety.

 

I don't want to put any pressure on him or on us... if this turns into a relationship I want to be sure it's because it's what we both want - not just what he thinks I want. I don't care if we don't label things, but there are other guys asking me out and if he's still looking I don't want to limit myself. But at the same time, I don't want to break any unspoken rules and wind up ruining things with him.

bbasher75 Established Member

bbasher75

Posted
Posted
I've been dating this guy about a month. We recently started sleeping together, I met his mom, he invited me to his office holiday party, blah blah. The way he talks, it seems like he's only seeing me but I never assume anything.

 

Lately I've felt like he was fishing for info about whether or not I was seeing anyone other than him. On the phone tonight I felt like he was fishing again and so I told him no, I'm not seeing anyone else right now. It was an awkward convo and bc of the awkwardness I didn't ask him if he was or not. But now I want to know!!

 

I'd like to find out whether he's seeing others but I don't know how to do that without saying "are we exclusive, are you my boyfriend?" Especially since that's not the reason I'm asking - I want to know bc if he's seeing others I'd like to keep my options open (in terms of dating, not sex). I also feel that I need to be aware for my own sexual safety.

 

I don't want to put any pressure on him or on us... if this turns into a relationship I want to be sure it's because it's what we both want - not just what he thinks I want. I don't care if we don't label things, but there are other guys asking me out and if he's still looking I don't want to limit myself. But at the same time, I don't want to break any unspoken rules and wind up ruining things with him.

 

If you're even thinking about seeing someone else, the relationship must not be that good. That's where the end begins, when you start to think about seeing other people. That's how cheating starts: With a thought. I mean for married people, you're not married or anything but I'm just saying.

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Scarlett513 Established Member

Scarlett513

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Posted

Well, to be honest I'd really rather just see him. But I don't want to put any pressure on it, and it's only been a month. I don't want to rush things. I'm pretty sure he's not seeing other people, but if he is I don't want to be an idiot and put all my eggs into one basket just so he can smash them all, lol.

bbasher75 Established Member

bbasher75

Posted
Posted
Well, to be honest I'd really rather just see him. But I don't want to put any pressure on it, and it's only been a month. I don't want to rush things. I'm pretty sure he's not seeing other people, but if he is I don't want to be an idiot and put all my eggs into one basket just so he can smash them all, lol.

 

Honestly though, if he is seeing someone else, do you think he'd tell you that? I doubt it. I mean I dont know him, but I dont think he'd be honest about that anyway. :)

boogieboy Established Member

boogieboy

Posted
Posted

He already asked you, multiple times. so if you asked him it wouldnt be any kind of surprise. So just come out and ask him.

trueluV Established Member

trueluV

Posted
Posted
Well, to be honest I'd really rather just see him. But I don't want to put any pressure on it, and it's only been a month. I don't want to rush things. I'm pretty sure he's not seeing other people, but if he is I don't want to be an idiot and put all my eggs into one basket just so he can smash them all, lol.

 

I can totally relate with you.

yeah, it's not you want to see other people, but if he is and you're not, then you're the one who'll be hurt later, and feel like an idiot.

 

but you said he asked you several times, if you feel awkward bringing the question up, next time when he asks you, bring it up and ask him. and though he might not be honest, you gotta trust your *gut* feeling.

 

good luck!

red shoes Established Member

red shoes

Posted
Posted

Do you not see that his asking suggests a good thing? I would think he asked because he isn't seeing other people and would hope that you aren't either.

 

If he didn't care enough, I doubt he would have asked.

phineas Established Member

phineas

Posted
Posted

If I see myself starting to invest more time & energy into a woman I want to know if she's got another guy sniffing around.

 

I'm not going to start giving her more of my free time unless we are exclusive.

gtrguy Member

gtrguy

Posted
Posted

So let me get this straight... You are having sex with him, yet you are afraid to ask him if he is just sleeping with / seeing you? Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? It blows my mind, you allow this guy to do the most intimate / private thing with you, which in itself is risky with a new partner, but you are afraid to come out and see if he is just seeing you... If you met him online, I can guarentee he is seeing others.

 

 

I've been dating this guy about a month. We recently started sleeping together, I met his mom, he invited me to his office holiday party, blah blah. The way he talks, it seems like he's only seeing me but I never assume anything.

 

Lately I've felt like he was fishing for info about whether or not I was seeing anyone other than him. On the phone tonight I felt like he was fishing again and so I told him no, I'm not seeing anyone else right now. It was an awkward convo and bc of the awkwardness I didn't ask him if he was or not. But now I want to know!!

 

I'd like to find out whether he's seeing others but I don't know how to do that without saying "are we exclusive, are you my boyfriend?" Especially since that's not the reason I'm asking - I want to know bc if he's seeing others I'd like to keep my options open (in terms of dating, not sex). I also feel that I need to be aware for my own sexual safety.

 

I don't want to put any pressure on him or on us... if this turns into a relationship I want to be sure it's because it's what we both want - not just what he thinks I want. I don't care if we don't label things, but there are other guys asking me out and if he's still looking I don't want to limit myself. But at the same time, I don't want to break any unspoken rules and wind up ruining things with him.

phineas Established Member

phineas

Posted
Posted
So let me get this straight... You are having sex with him, yet you are afraid to ask him if he is just sleeping with / seeing you? Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? It blows my mind, you allow this guy to do the most intimate / private thing with you, which in itself is risky with a new partner, but you are afraid to come out and see if he is just seeing you... If you met him online, I can guarentee he is seeing others.

 

when you put it that way all I can say is where is this dateing site & are there more women like her on there? :)

gtrguy Member

gtrguy

Posted
Posted

Believe it or not, I think most women on any of the legit dating sites are like this... I think it really depends on where you are located. NJ / NY is notorious for this type of girl.

 

when you put it that way all I can say is where is this dateing site & are there more women like her on there? :)
Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

Posted
Posted

He has asked you and you have told him. Now you ask him. In the very least, it's a good idea to know where you stand on sexual exclusivity, for your health and safety.

InspiredbyYou Established Member

InspiredbyYou

Posted
Posted (edited)

So you slept with a guy, not knowing if he was even dating other women? :eek:

I'll never understand that!?!?

 

You flat out ask him now. What are you going to be pussyfooting around for at this point? You've already thrown caution to the wind by sleeping with a man you know so little about, and you are even more afraid to rock the boat? You need to gain some of your relationship balance back, ask him, let the chips fall where they may.

 

And don't worry you won't put any kind of pressure on him at all by asking, if it were that simple to pressure guys into having an exclusive relationship with you ie. you ask them if they are seeing other women, then none of these types of boards would even exist!

Edited by InspiredbyYou
torranceshipman Established Member

torranceshipman

Posted
Posted

Definitely ASK him!! If, after having sex with you and introducing you to his mom, he has a problem with you asking him, then he a) is a weirdo and b) not worthy of your time, so best to know now and move on.

 

The last thing you should do is sweat it out by keeping quiet (and continue sleeping with him) - that'd be the crazy option...!

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

Posted
Posted

once you sleep with someone you do have the right to ask if they are sleeping with anyone else. unless it was a one-nighter, of course. but don't bring up exclusivity or any of that crap. just ask him if he's doing the horizontal bop with some other hussie.

gtrguy Member

gtrguy

Posted
Posted

Well said!

 

once you sleep with someone you do have the right to ask if they are sleeping with anyone else. unless it was a one-nighter, of course. but don't bring up exclusivity or any of that crap. just ask him if he's doing the horizontal bop with some other hussie.
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