What to expect

[knime32]

I've posted some threads on numerous other forums but I am still confused on what to think.

 

My boyfriend and I of 6 years just broke up last Monday. We've broken up a few times before but we always seem to find each other again. Our last break up was 2 years ago and it typically takes him 2 weeks before he's calling and professing how much he loves me and how much of a mistake he has made. Our earlier breakups I attribute to being young and immature. I've now graduated from College and he's started a successful career as a police officer and our relationship was getting very serious and the talk of a more serious committment was defintely lingering on both of our parts.

 

When we broke up he said that he just needed time and needed time to find himself and he felt we were growing apart (he's said this everytime we've broken up but we get back together and we work so well together for a long time). We're all we've ever really known, since we've dated for so long at such a young age.

 

I just wanted to get some opinions on if you think he's coming back and if he does, what should I do? I love him very much and I felt the same from him. Our relationship was going along perfectly and we were even discussing moving in together and starting our lives together as one and starting a family soon after. Is the thought of committment shying him away from our relationship or does he really need to go out and experience the outside world before he comes back? I want him back and when I envision my perfect match, he fits in every way.

 

Thanks for all of your thoughts and input!

[Yael]

Wow, your story seems similar to mine (if you want more info see my posts). My ex has said he needs to find himself etc, and this was after saying he wanted to marry me. However, we have not done the whole break up get back together thing, as I told him once it is over it is over (however having just seen him - confusion reigns supreme). I think what you need to do is set yourself some boundaries and decide what you want out of this.

 

I also think everything happens for a reason. For me this breakup has allowed me to truly find myself and realise what a wonderful person I am. I also realised that the happiness I felt while with him came from me and is still here, with or without him. I don't need him to find it (and he even said I had a glow about me when we caught up).

 

So i feel I have come full circle, I still miss him and my confusion stems from not being sure of what to do next and where to go (as I also feel he is who I am meant to be with, but I also will not wait around). It will be a month since we broke up this weekend (and I am so proud I am not negative and hiding away - that would be too easy).

 

So stop wondering what he wants and decide what you want. Use this time to become the positive beautiful woman I am sure you are.

[Beeotch]

I've posted some threads on numerous other forums but I am still confused on what to think.

 

My boyfriend and I of 6 years just broke up last Monday. We've broken up a few times before but we always seem to find each other again. Our last break up was 2 years ago and it typically takes him 2 weeks before he's calling and professing how much he loves me and how much of a mistake he has made. Our earlier breakups I attribute to being young and immature. I've now graduated from College and he's started a successful career as a police officer and our relationship was getting very serious and the talk of a more serious committment was defintely lingering on both of our parts.

 

When we broke up he said that he just needed time and needed time to find himself and he felt we were growing apart (he's said this everytime we've broken up but we get back together and we work so well together for a long time). We're all we've ever really known, since we've dated for so long at such a young age.

 

I just wanted to get some opinions on if you think he's coming back and if he does, what should I do? I love him very much and I felt the same from him. Our relationship was going along perfectly and we were even discussing moving in together and starting our lives together as one and starting a family soon after. Is the thought of committment shying him away from our relationship or does he really need to go out and experience the outside world before he comes back? I want him back and when I envision my perfect match, he fits in every way.

 

Thanks for all of your thoughts and input!

 

 

To be truthful....none of us can answer these questions.

 

Anyone who firmly states they know why he is doing this or if he will return, does not know what they're saying as your guess is as good as ours. There is not much detail or any specific thing that would make us able to say for sure how this will turn out...or I should say in some cases there are clearrrrr indications of the directions things might take, but in this scenario, that is not the case.

 

What I can say is, whatever he says, respect it. Hard as it may be. It seems he always initiates the break ups...that is a problem. Take this time away to assess your relationship, to get to a point of not being super emotional where you can think CLEARLY and give him space to work on the underlying issues leading him to do this. One key thing is, you said you are all each other has known, that might be one of the issues. Wanting to grow and explore and all that, feeling trapped. If things are to be....a break will not stop them. If anything, use the time WISELY to make some decisions, think and all that so if he does return then things will be better.

[knime32]

Thanks for all of your advice.

 

I'm still confused and getting a little less hopefull in a return. Its been almost 2 weeks now and I haven't really heard from it about any of it. Usually by now, he's contacted me.

 

I've talked with a bunch of our mutual friends and they said that he's not going out and he's not meeting new people, one of the things he said he wanted to do. Is he really taking the time to just find himself. He makes plans with his friends but then backs out last minute. I've noticed over the 6 years that we dated that he was a little insecure and very shy. It sounds bad but I don't think he'll be successful in finding someone better than me, if that's what he's doing. Another of my friends said that said in talking with him, he thinks that by leaving our relationship, in which he was happy, he thinks he's going to find this "pefect" woman. Perfect men and women don't exist. Does he honestly think he's going to find a woman who will cater to his every desire and do everything for him and be a sex goddess?

 

I still want him to come back and I still want to be with him, but I think he needs to be hit with a massive does of reality...these people don't exist and leaving a happy relationship that you're happy with on the offset chance that something better is going to be out there...is just stupid.